Post # 1
Hello lovely bees!
This is my first post to the hive. Please advise. My hunny and I have been together for a few years, and I know the engagement is coming soon. In fact, I secretly know that he bought the ring in June (but shhh, it would break his little heart if he knew that I know)! Anyway, my best friend was married just a few short weeks ago and since our families are friends… the whole stallion clan was there.. mom, brother, and dear pops! After having a few beers, my dad casually mentioned to my love that he shouldn’t bother asking for my hand in marriage until I’m 30 because he thinks that is a reasonable age to marry! What????? I’m 25 now, and just itching to get hitched to my sweetie. I’m not sure how serious my dad was, but he has told me before that there is no reason to get married quickly. Geesh, I could just tell my bf was crushed, and now even a little freaked out to even ask, but I would be crushed if he didn’t ask my dad. What do you guys think??? Should I just leave well enough alone and let my love deal with it, or should I chat with my dad??
Post # 3
Tell your bf that he doesn’t need your father’s permission to marry you. I think it’s mostly just a sad nod to tradition nowadays, anyway. Your father raised you, yes, but it’s not like you’re asking his parents if you can marry him!
Do what you want, of course, but it’s not the 1800s. Tell your father you’d like to have his blessing, but it’s not necessary.
Post # 4
That’s a tough situation. You said your dad had a few beers, so maybe he would be a little more reserved when your bf asks?
I know my dad would have said yes (he loves DH) but DH was so nervous and is super shy, so I told him he didn’t need to ask mostly so he wouldn’t wait longer until he worked up the courage to ask my dad.
Post # 5
Why don’t you talk to your dad about it and see where he stands on the topic. You should let him know it’s important to you that you have his approval. And if you really don’t care, but know that your SO would want the approval, you should just let your SO know it isn’t important to you to have your fathers approval.
Post # 6
I agree with all the previous posters comments…but also would like to add that I thought it was really important for my Fiance to ask my dad’s permission (we’re about the same age), and now I’m finding that I don’t need my dad’s permissing or approval for anything in my life – much less my love life.
It’s a personal choice, but maybe talking with your Fiance and then your dad about the issue that it would help come to a good medium 🙂
Post # 7
I think your dad was just ‘grumbling’ as he processes the idea that his little girl really is growing up. And it was after a few beers.
Also, he could be just testing your BF. If your BF actually has the resolve to sit down and have a serious discussion with your father I do think it would go well. Probably better than you think.
And I agree that your BF doesn’t need his “permission” per se. He could ask for his blessing, and if he doesn’t get it, you can still get married.
Post # 8
I think when you’re a grown, educated adult in a serious relationship it’s sort of silly to wait on a parent’s approval. Do they approve the job you have, the degree you have or the car you drive? I understand that it’s important to some people and my sister’s husband asked my dad while my other sisters’ did not. Some may think it’s a nice thing to do. . .I think it’s a gesture that celebrates a culture in which women were sold (dowries) from one man to the next.
I do agree that you should tell your dad that you’re ready to get married and while you value his advice, you’ll be making this decision with your Fiance and only him. If you insist on your Fiance asking your dad, make sure you let him know that you’re going to marry him whether or not your dad says ‘yes.’
Post # 9
daddy doesn’t own you. if you want to marry him and he wants to marry you, get married.
now if dad doesn’t want you marrying him because of who it is (not just your age), you may want to listen up. sometimes parents are dead on about things like that.
Post # 10
posted before i was done….
so go talk to your dad. talk to your boyfriend. they’ll have more information than an internet board.
Post # 11
Dad probably wasn’t REAL serious. But if he thinks you’re getting married young, I don’t think it’d hurt to say “dad, i’m going to be getting married sometime in the next year or two” and if he says “you’re so young!” know that it’s mostly just daddy’s little girl syndrome. Chances are you’re out of college and everything and you’re just growing up right before his eyes.
Post # 12
I SO agree with this artichokey—>I think when you’re a grown, educated adult in a serious relationship it’s sort of silly to wait on a parent’s approval. Do they approve the job you have, the degree you have or the car you drive?
Post # 13
I agree. My daddy didn’t want me to kiss my FH (and he said that a few months before we got engaged). lol
Post # 14
Thanks so much for the comments and feedback. I agree that with or without dad’s “permission”, I am going to marry my love. I’m hoping, as many of the posters mentioned, that he wasn’t REAL serious and when the time comes that my boyfriend asks, that dad will be on board. Thanks again!