Post # 1
Ugh so my mom wanted to do a “mommy-daughter” night in NYC last week and so we met up for drinks and dinner and then saw a show afterward. During dinner we got on the topic of where Fiance and I are going to move (our current place has proven way too small since he moved in with me). I told her we were contemplating leaving Manhattan for Riverdale, which for those of you not familiar with the NYC metro area is a neighborhood in the Bronx (north of Manhattan) that is across a small bridge from Manhattan. It is a very nice neighborhood and we can get more space for less $$$, which is my main goal currently as we are not ready for a house purchase and still would like to be close to our friends in NYC. When my mother hears this, she has a fit. She knows nothing of the neighborhood yet she proceeds to completely tear down the idea. She hears “the Bronx” and to her that translates to “the ghetto,” which is like so far from the truth. There’s no talking to her, either. She always says s**t like “Well it’s your life and you can do what you want BUT…” There’s always that effin BUT at the end. So essentially she’s still telling me what to do and criticizing my choices. It’s so frustrating but it has been like this my whole life. I thought MAYBE just maybe the fact that I’m, you know, 27 years old and getting married and starting a life with my husband might have made her get a grip a little bit but apparently not. I don’t know how to deal with her when she get like this.
Anyone else with an overbearing mother want to chime in for some moral support before I end up on the evening news as the modern-day Lizzie Borden?
Post # 3
No advice re: your mom, but I used to live in Riverdale, so PM me if you want any apartment-hunting advice. Personally, I hated living there, but it is nice and I know lots of people who like it.
Post # 4
Argghhh! I know exactly what you mean! I currently live about two blocks from where I work and my Fiance lives about an hour away from me but about 10 minutes from his job. So we’re looking for a house in the middle from both of our jobs so we can commute about a half hour to work. And my mom keeps saying stuff like, “I don’t understand why you’d want to move so far away when you can walk to work.”
I don’t know how to deal with my mom either. Mostly, I just ignore her when she says stupid stuff.
Post # 5
I’m sorry :/ My mom is totally smothering too. I posted a thread about it last week, even. I’ve yet to figure out how to deal with her, she takes it personally when I point out that I need some space. *SIGH* Good luck!
Post # 6
Sorry she doesn’t seem supportive of this. I would keep the details about the move and where you are going to a minimum. If she pesters you, say “Mom, this topic is no longer up for discussion. How is your salad? (change the subject).” If she keeps it up “Like I said, this topic is not up for discussion. If you continue to talk about it, I will leave/hang up” and DO IT!
I honestly hate that she is this way with you; FI’s mom is the same way and I figured that with him being 30 and on his own for awhile she could get a grip as well but not yet. Why do they have to tear every single little thing apart? Why can’t they just be happy for once or show some positive emotion?
Post # 7
My mom can get like this too sometimes, so I can definitely commiserate. I guess this is the downside of having a mother who’s very involved in the wedding and willing to pay for it – they want to be involved and give advice on everything else as well. To put it in perspective, my mom does the constant advice-giving and smothering without paying for the wedding, so I don’t think you’ve got it that bad 🙂
Post # 8
Are you sure we’re not related?
Post # 9
@pendola – You would think that by blatantly telling her that the topic isn’t up for discussion or I don’t want to talk about it, it would stop but, sadly, she does not operate that way. SO.FRUSTRATING.
@GirlWithARing – Ouch. You win.
@bakingbride – I wish we were because then I would have at least one sibling to deflect some of her crap onto! We could “share the love” so to speak.
Post # 10
I hope someday you all realize how lucky you really are to have Mothers that ARE involved and DO care about your lives,decisions, and choices. How many on here lament the fact that they WANt their Moms to be more excited,interested and there for them? Don’t you realize yet that being a Mom never ends,especially when you think it should? It will be interesting for you to reflect back once you have your own children,how very like your own Mothers you’ve become.
It really isn’t smothering….its simply Mothering. Give her a break. She’s doing what she does best,tho you don’t realize it.
Post # 11
Smyley you do have a point, Moms will always worry about things. But just from your posts on here, I feel like you’ve given your daughters a little more freedom and a little less hassle than some of the other posters’ moms.
Personally, I feel you… my mom talks crap BEHIND my back because she thinks I don’t have a plan, I just don’t want to get married… I just wanted to plan a wedding. Yeah, I’d trade the wedding to keep my Fiance any day!
Post # 12
The Bronx gets a bad rap. I went through a similar situation with my mom when I told her I was moving to the Bronx. My advice would be to ask her to go apt hunting with you, let her see the area for herself. Thats what changed my moms mind. I’m in the Throggs Neck area of the Bronx. It’s much more suburbs feeling than other areas and I live on the water and even have a little private beach. Who would have guessed that was even possible in the Bronx! Now my mom is in love with the place! And you definitely get so much more for your money in the Bronx. Let her see all you would gain by moving and hopefully she’ll come around. Good luck 🙂
Post # 13
@smyley – Don’t presume to have any idea what my relationship with my mother is like and has been like my entire life kaythanx. And she coined the phrase “smother” herself so she knows she’s a pain in the ass. At least she’s self-aware about it.
Also, my main problem with her in this particular instance is her complete ignorance when it comes to the Bronx. It’s borderline racist. So, if you’re cool with that then yeah, she’s surely doing her best.