Post # 1
I’m currently on disability due to depression and anxiety. I can sort-of handle going to college, but I definitely cant handle working.
Right now I’m not in school because I moved, so I had to apply to the local school here… so pretty much, M-F, I’m at home. All day. Every day. While the FI works.
He leaves at 830am, and I fall back asleep by 930, and sleep until 130pm. It’s hard to drag myself out of bed even then. I could keep sleeping all afternoon. I just feel worthless.
We can’t afford therapy anymore, and I definitely cant afford medication. I lost my SSI benefits because after we moved, when I called to give them my new address, because my boyfriend is now my fiance, that changes things for some reason. So now because of his income, I wont be getting SSI anymore (i’ll just be getting disability checks). This is just awful. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
I’m so sick of seeing other people with my problems get better. I hate them. Bloggers writing about how they “won” the battle. Good for you and your $80K a year. I cant win this. It has complete control over me.
So every day, at 930, I fall asleep, and wake up at 130… because, why else do I need to be awake anyway? 🙁 Sigh.
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
@AquaGrey8962: Oh I am so sorry, love! My FI has been going through this too and I know (from a second-hand perspective) how hard it can be 🙁 I’m going to offer a lot of advice below, and I hope you can follow up on some of it!
There has GOT to be a free/discount mental health clinic in Chicago that you can go to. Medication is SO important for so many reasons, but most importantly so you can A) get your life back on track and B) not do any damage to your brain (recent studies show that untreated depression/anxiety actually causes damage to your brain that will worsen depression in the future). Here is a google search link with a lot of promising-looking information about free/discount clinics! My FI goes to one of these because he’s excluded from mental health coverage on his insurance (bullshit) and it’s wonderful. They charge him $2/hr and make sure he’s prescribed generic medications that cost only $10-40 a month. PLEASE think about doing this!! https://www.google.com/search?q=discount+mental+health+clinic+chicago&rlz=1C1LDJZ_enUS502US509&aq=f&oq=discount+mental+health+clinic+chicago&aqs=chrome.0.57j0l3.7692j0&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#rlz=1C1LDJZ_enUS502US509&sclient=psy-ab&q=discount+mental+health+clinic+chicago&oq=discount+mental+health+clinic+chicago&gs_l=serp.3…0.0.0.15922.214.171.124.0.0.0.0.0..0.0…0.0…1c..14.psy-ab.PKMbBYTZe2g&pbx=1&bav=on.2,or.r_qf.&bvm=bv.46751780,d.aWc&fp=f1433583f34d9a3f&biw=1160&bih=679
Also, try taking Tylenol every day. Recent studies have shown it has a significant affect on depression. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/12/091222154742.htm You should be sure not to drink much though – acetaminophen can be really hard on your liver when combined with alcohol.
If you can force yourself to do it, exercise is also AS EFFECTIVE as SSRIs. Even just a 20 minute walk around the block can really make a difference. http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/08/31/prescribing-exercise-to-treat-depression/
Last, low levels of Vitamin D are correlated with depression, and tons of people have low Vitamin D – it’s really common. Take a couple thousand milligrams a day (2 pills) and it could really make a difference! http://www.naturalnews.com/039643_depression_vitamin_d_deficiency.html
My heart goes out to you. Good luck, hang in there, it’ll get better!
Post # 4
Churches will often provide free or sliding scale counseling, and you don’t have to be a member. I went to one in college, and also used my school’s services.
PI have been where you are and my heart goes out to you
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Can you pass some of that info on to your FI and he can help you figure out about a reduced clinic, etc? I know I had to do a lot of that for my guy because he was just totally debilitated. I was happy to do so, and I would think/hope your guy would be too.
Post # 6
You’re in Chicago, not in the boondocks of the middle of Montana. You have LOTS of discounted and free mental health options. I understand that this is difficult, but you have a choice. You can choose to seek help, or you can choose to do nothing. I can’t guarantee that treatment will work for you. I CAN promise you that if you do nothing, your life will never get better.
Low cost or free clinics: http://leslieslist.org/chicago/find-clinics/
Target’s $4 prescriptions: http://www.target.com/pharmacy/generics-condition
Walgreens $5-$15 scripts (listed under Mental Health, not Antidepressants): http://www.walgreens.com/images/psc/pdf/PSC_2_0_VPG_List_FINAL_32312.pdf
Post # 7
I’m really sorry to hear that 🙁 I do not have depression, but I do have a diagnosed anxiety disorder, so I feel for you. I wish I had advice to give you other than what everyone else has already said 🙁
Post # 8
@AquaGrey8962: Aw sweetie, I AM SO SO SO SORRY. Depression is honestly the worst thing in the world, I’d take the flu, a stomach virus, ANYTHING over depression. BC there is nothing that can pull you out of it besides time/medicatio/and or therapy. It is debilitating and turns you into a person you do not recognize.
Please follow the links that other posters here have provided. It is SO important that you get help and I swear there is a light at the end of that very deep dark tunnel you are in there. I was in an extremely bad episode of depression Jan-Mar this year and was completely disconnected from everyone, crying uncontrollably, had no motivation, just laid in bed all the time…nothing could pull me out…and I honestly thought there was no way I was going to get out. I was convinced I was going to be hospitalized and lose my FI and my family. I do promise you though, it WILL get better and I know its not what you want to hear because you want to be better now, but it will. Go through those links, get therapy, GET MEDICATION.
Also, this website is pretty good for venting when you are in the deep dark hole, its a place to go when you feel like no one else understands:
Feel better, vent away to us, and please get help <3
Post # 9
@MariContrary: The thing about free clinics is, a lot of them dont offer one-on-one therapy, because of budget cuts, so you’re in a group of 8 people, (and the 7 other are all recovering meth heads). I’ve been to 2 of them before. I didn’t fit in. They were all recovering alcoholics and drug addicts. I felt like I was just visiting. Plus I’m not comfortable talking about my own problems in front of a giant group of strangers. Sigh.
Thank you for the Target link though, I had no idea they offered cheap generics 🙂
Post # 10
@SoonToBeMrsD921: I’ve been on medication before… about 4 different kinds. One of them helped me a *little* (Wellbutrin) but the generic version is known to be vastly different and ineffective compared to the name-brand, but its over $300 a bottle. I was on it for a year, but then had to stop because I couldn’t afford it anymore. And it has the most severe side effects. My hands were shaking so bad, I couldn’t put on nail polish anymore. Things like Zoloft/Lexapro (SSRIs) don’t do squat for my depression (my doctor reffered to those as “housewife medications” and they’re for mild depression).
Post # 11
@lolot: That’s really interesting about vitamin D. Last time I had my blood tested, I had extremely low levels and my doctor told me to take supplements. I haven’t started those yet. Maybe they’ll help.
Post # 12
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
@AquaGrey8962: My FI sees a therapist in a one-on-one meeting and is charged $2/hr. Just because you had some bad experiences doesn’t mean they’re ALL that way. It’s important enough that you should just search til you find the right setup.
Have you tried the generic Wellbutrin? It’s true that it doesn’t work for everyone that the name-brand one does, but it DOES work for some people.
I don’t know if there are any clinical trials going on in your area, but ketamine (the anesthetic / party drug) has been shown to immediately treat very severe depression for at least a while. http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/782455 We thought about trying to get my FI onto this if other things didn’t work (which thankfully them seem to be doing). His doctor even mentioned being able to prescribe it? Not sure. But the description is crazy – depression relieved within hours. Something to look into.
Keep at it – there are a lot of options that could help! The worst thing you can do is just do nothing, even though I know it’s really hard to do anthing else.
(ETA: not to lecture you. This is my “keep it up, you can do this!” pep talk tone I give to my FI too. xox)
Post # 13
Try the psych departments of universities. FI and I have been looking at going to one for our premarital counselling, and it’s on a sliding scale of $0-25 for the public. They offer services for depression as well. You see students under the supervision of highly experienced specialists.
Post # 14
@AquaGrey8962: These aren’t all free clinics. A lot of them are normal offices, with free or discounted services to those who are unemployed or disabled. So you went to two clinics, didn’t do your research and were displeased with the results. That’s what the phone is for. Pick it up and CALL them. Ask what programs they have and go from there. Explain that you are seeking treatment for severe depression. If they can’t help you, they can refer you to someplace that can. Trust me, I’ve done the free/cheap clinic dance before. You said it yourself, you’ve got nothing better to do all day.
And by the way, https://www.wellbutrinxlcoupon.com/Page/Co_pay1.aspx
I work for a pharmaceutical company. They all have discount programs if there isn’t a generic available.
Post # 15
I’m sorry to hear this.
I’ve heard of a free website that does a CBT approach to depression (made by psychologists or psychiatrists) but I don’t remember the name. I know it’s not the same as an in-person therapist but you can’t beat the price. Maybe google it?
Hope the fog starts to lift soon.
Post # 16
Get help!!! Go see a doctor!!! Thinking nothing can be done, it’s not worth a try, it’s hopeless is part of your condition. I know that first hand, I’ve suffered from depression the last 16 years. Found the right combination of medication and I am fine. I am a wife and mother and balance my life very well. Please try. You can get well if only you want to. You just have to try a little. I am here if you need anything.