Post # 1
OK so the wedding is over and it’s kinda funny now to think about and talk about but it was not funny when it happened. So I posted a few months ago about my friend putting in food requests for her two friends for my wedding reception. I told her sorry but I can’t accomodate her friends and welcomed them to the welcome BBQ and the day after excursion. It seemed clear and understood and I didn’t think I would have to deal with it anymore.
So day of the wedding comes and I am zen, relaxed, and thinking only positive thoughts. I am feeling fine! The phone rings in my hotel room and it is one of the friends of my friend who is aforementioned. She says "what time should I be there?" I pause in a very long akward silence and eventually say "be where?" Then she replies "the wedding." My heart sunk and I then told her very bluntly "I had no idea you were coming, have you spoke with Kelly?" She states "yeah she said it is fine to come to the wedding and not the reception." OMG all you brides know all the thoughts that would be going througn my mind. Despite my strongest feelings, to avoid friction on my wedding day I tell her the time hoping she could take a hint since I didnt expect her and I was obviously hesitant. The hint was not taken though and her and her Boyfriend or Best Friend show up to my wedding in another country uninvited! Then twice: once during the photo session and once while I was dancing, my friend asked me if they can come to the reception. First time I said "absolutely not" and the second time I said "I do not want to hear about this again, this is my wedding day NO MEANS NO". She was trying to put a guilt trip on me since apparently they were sitting and waiting in the hotel room alone. A. Not my problem B. I don’t care and C. THEY WERENT INVITED! I was so irritated that these two random people are in my wedding pictures. We did not invite some of our closest friends because we wanted an intimate wedding. How dare Kelly take it upon herself to invite her friends. They can come on vacation but why is it so hard to understand that if you do not get an invite and I already said no that I do not want them there??? To make it worse I heard when the friends said "She did not even know were were coming" Kelly says "don’t worry just wait, I will get you in" AS IF IT WAS A FREAKIN’ NIGHT CLUB or something!
My dad thinks I should cut ties with Kelly and write her a nasty letter. My mom says just ignore it and leave it alone. I am pissed though. Who does this? Seriously! What would you ladies have done???? I personally see Kelly as a different person. Either she is completely clueless and stupid or she is rude and imposing. Either way don’t really want anything to do with her. We are all laughing about it now but our relationship is called in to question because of this. What would you do???
Post # 3
Well, I might not end the friendship over this, but I would definitely talk to Kelly. Find out why she thought her behavior was acceptable, and then let her know how much it upset you. Maybe point her to a wedding guest etiquette site. This one addresses the issue:
She might really be clueless, so at least give her the benefit of the doubt. If she shows other signs of being rude and imposing, then you might consider cutting her out of your life.
Post # 4
OMG, I had been wondering what ended up happening in this situation. That’s horrible! I admit to having wedding crashed before (my whole family was crashing and I was just kinda along for the ride … Hey! Stop looking at me like that! LOL), but in another freaking country? That’s ridiculous.
I don’t know if I would cut ties with this girl without talking about it, though. Can you not just sit down with her and be like, "Look. what you did was downright rude. I’m very hurt by your actions. I was very accomodating, offering to allow your friends to attend our other events and all I asked was that they not attend the wedding and you didn’t listen to me at all!"
See what she has to say for herself. Hopefully you can at least get back on netural terms, if fully mending the friendship is impossible.
Post # 5
Wow, that is totally awkward and rude for she (and them) to have put you in that position! I think you handled it well, and good for you for standing your ground when she hounded you about the reception! Has she ever showed signs of this type of inconsiderate behavior before? A friend like that seems so exhausting, I’d cut her off if she is always like that. However, if this is kind of shocking/new behavior for her, I’d talk to her in person so that she can see things from your perspective. Maybe she has some kind of explanation and will realize how rude she was and apologize! Btw, I probably wouldn’t write a letter because it might get misinterpreted (especially if she is clueless as it is).Good luck!
Post # 6
I’d beat her to death with my wedding favors then bury the body at the venue. Just sayin…
Post # 7
I’m with Mighty. Kill her.
Post # 8
Ugg. Who wouldn’t be TO? Does this friend do this stuff often? Or isthis a one time thing? If this type of behavior (disregarding people’s requests, insisting on her own way, thinking others are in the wrong etc.) is typical and you’re sick of it, maybe you can just lose contact. If this isn’t typical and could say that it was just for this Destination Wedding, maybe you could try to take osme time to calm down and let it pass.
You could ask her what happened, if it would make you feel better. Personally, I don’t think she could say anything that would make me feel better. But we might be different like that.
Also, am I alone that what sticks out to me most is that this friend, you don’t know, would be calling you on your own wedding day? That is the goofiest thing. I would rather try to get in touch with the Queen of England.
Post # 9
although talking to her sounds like the logical and best idea, it obviously doesnt work with this girl because all the time you spent communicating very clearly with her didnt matter because she did what she wanted to anyways, even going as far to having them come to your destination wedding and trying to sneak them in. unacceptable. she obviously doesnt care about your feelings or anything that you have to say about your OWN wedding and took it upon herself to do what she wants and copmletely disregard your no answer over and over. i hate losing people but you know what, i say write her off.
i dont know the backgrounf od your relationship with her but she obviously doesnt take you seriously and walks all over you, at least with this. your wedding is a big deal and to crash your destination wedding when you have told her over and over no? yea thats a big problem. i agree with your dad, except that a letter is too easy, tell her to her face and be done with her.
im really sorry that happened, like you said, you werent a bouncer and your wedding wasnt just a club. you dont need people in your life that will treat you that way. *hugs*
Post # 10
@Tanya123 – right on. I actually plan on handing my phone off to my Maid/Matron of Honor and asking her to prevent me from using it. Partially though because I have a crackberry for work and they are just crazy enough to call me on my wedding with questions about my customers…
Post # 11
Thank so much for all the replies! This is sort of an isolated incident but we haven’t hung out much in the last few years. She is more like a family friend who I will see on occassion. I agree that talking to her might be pointless since she obviously disregarded my feelings the first time around. I may just let the friendship fade away…who needs friends like this anyway? I don’t even think the friendship is worth the confrontation especially since we aren’t that close anymore.
I loved hearing the empathy from the bees and I value all your advice. LOL kill her! =)
BTW other than that the wedding was stunning and pefect in everyway. I can’t stop looking at the pictures and reliving it in my mind. Is there such thing as postwedding depression?
Post # 12
I would love to say that you should give her the benefit of doubt but you were very upfront with her from the beginning. It seems like she cared about her friends being entertained (if there were two of them ‘just sitting alone in the hotel room’, I am sure they could have found something else to do together) more than she cared about your feelings. I would probably just let the friendship fade, especially since you two aren’t that close.
My wedding isn’t until next year, but I have heard that there is definately a type of post-wedding depression. The way most people I have heard of have handled it has been to organize things to look forward to, even if it’s just a date night with your husband.
Post # 13
The inconsiderate nature of your friend and her friends is just unbelievable. I agree that it sounds like your friend is totally clueless. Don’t make a big stink about it, just point her to a reference to etiquette as amandapolis suggested and just tell her you think it sucked that you had to deal with that. Then leave it. Enjoy your wedded bliss and other wonderful memories of the wedding. Sounds like you are already laughing about it, so that shows that you can have some humor about people acting like dumb-a**es!
Post # 14
Laughing at MightySaphire!
SOrry these people crashed. I blame your friend but ALSO these clueless people who would want to come even though it’s obvious they’re not even invited. I would be mortified to even ask to come to someone’s wedding. Really people it’s not a keger it’s a wedding!
Post # 15
OMG. I cannot believe how rude some people are! Good for you for being able to laugh about it now.
Agree with Stormy about letting the friendship taper off; writing a letter to vent might feel good but I probably wouldn’t mail it. Now here’s my vindictive side… you could make "pulling a Kelly" be an inside joke to mean someone who’s either super oblivious or just rude– the story will get funnier each time you explain it and if it gets back to her, maybe she’ll realize exactly how far off base she was to impose on your wedding.
Post # 16
wow a bit insensitive if ya ask me