(Closed) My DESTINATION wedding was crashed!!!!

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
773 posts
Busy bee

Well, I might not end the friendship over this, but I would definitely talk to Kelly.  Find out why she thought her behavior was acceptable, and then let her know how much it upset you.  Maybe point her to a wedding guest etiquette site.  This one addresses the issue:



She might really be clueless, so at least give her the benefit of the doubt.  If she shows other signs of being rude and imposing, then you might consider cutting her out of your life.

Post # 4
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

OMG, I had been wondering what ended up happening in this situation. That’s horrible! I admit to having wedding crashed before (my whole family was crashing and I was just kinda along for the ride … Hey! Stop looking at me like that! LOL), but in another freaking country? That’s ridiculous.

I don’t know if I would cut ties with this girl without talking about it, though. Can you not just sit down with her and be like, "Look. what you did was downright rude. I’m very hurt by your actions. I was very accomodating, offering to allow your friends to attend our other events and all I asked was that they not attend the wedding and you didn’t listen to me at all!"

See what she has to say for herself. Hopefully you can at least get back on netural terms, if fully mending the friendship is impossible.

Post # 5
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Wow, that is totally awkward and rude for she (and them) to have put you in that position! I think you handled it well, and good for you for standing your ground when she hounded you about the reception! Has she ever showed signs of this type of inconsiderate behavior before? A friend like that seems so exhausting, I’d cut her off if she is always like that. However, if this is kind of shocking/new behavior for her, I’d talk to her in person so that she can see things from your perspective. Maybe she has some kind of explanation and will realize how rude she was and apologize! Btw, I probably wouldn’t write a letter because it might get misinterpreted (especially if she is clueless as it is).Good luck!

Post # 6
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

I’d beat her to death with my wedding favors then bury the body at the venue.  Just sayin…

Post # 7
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I’m with Mighty. Kill her.

Post # 8
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Ugg.  Who wouldn’t be TO?  Does this friend do this stuff often?  Or isthis a one time thing?  If this type of behavior (disregarding people’s requests, insisting on her own way, thinking others are in the wrong etc.) is typical and you’re sick of it, maybe you can just lose contact.  If this isn’t typical and could say that it was just for this Destination Wedding, maybe you could try to take osme time to calm down and let it pass.

You could ask her what happened, if it would make you feel better.  Personally, I don’t think she could say anything that would make me feel better.   But we might be different like that.

Also, am I alone that what sticks out to me most is that this friend, you don’t know, would be calling you on your own wedding day?  That is the goofiest thing.  I would rather try to get in touch with the Queen of England.

Post # 9
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

although talking to her sounds like the logical and best idea, it obviously doesnt work with this girl because all the time you spent communicating very clearly with her didnt matter because she did what she wanted to anyways, even going as far to having them come to your destination wedding and trying to sneak them in. unacceptable. she obviously doesnt care about your feelings or anything that you have to say about your OWN wedding and took it upon herself to do what she wants and copmletely disregard your no answer over and over. i hate losing people but you know what, i say write her off.

i dont know the backgrounf od your relationship with her but she obviously doesnt take you seriously and walks all over you, at least with this. your wedding is a big deal and to crash your destination wedding when you have told her over and over no? yea thats a big problem. i agree with your dad, except that a letter is too easy, tell her to her face and be done with her.

im really sorry that happened, like you said, you werent a bouncer and your wedding wasnt just a club. you dont need people in your life that will treat you that way. *hugs*

Post # 10
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

@Tanya123 – right on.  I actually plan on handing my phone off to my Maid/Matron of Honor and asking her to prevent me from using it.  Partially though because I have a crackberry for work and they are just crazy enough to call me on my wedding with questions about my customers…

Post # 12
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would love to say that you should give her the benefit of doubt but you were very upfront with her from the beginning. It seems like she cared about her friends being entertained (if there were two of them ‘just sitting alone in the hotel room’, I am sure they could have found something else to do together) more than she cared about your feelings. I would probably just let the friendship fade, especially since you two aren’t that close.

My wedding isn’t until next year, but I have heard that there is definately a type of post-wedding depression. The way most people I have heard of have handled it has been to organize things to look forward to, even if it’s just a date night with your husband. 

Post # 13
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

The inconsiderate nature of your friend and her friends is just unbelievable.  I agree that it sounds like your friend is totally clueless.  Don’t make a big stink about it, just point her to a reference to etiquette as amandapolis suggested and just tell her you think it sucked that you had to deal with that.  Then leave it.  Enjoy your wedded bliss and other wonderful memories of the wedding.  Sounds like you are already laughing about it, so that shows that you can have some humor about people acting like dumb-a**es! 

Post # 14
217 posts
Helper bee

Laughing at MightySaphire! 


SOrry these people crashed. I blame your friend but ALSO these clueless people who would want to come even though it’s obvious they’re not even invited. I would be mortified to even ask to come to someone’s wedding.  Really people it’s not a keger it’s a wedding! 

Post # 15
32 posts

OMG.    I cannot believe how rude some people are!  Good for you for being able to laugh about it now.

Agree with Stormy about letting the friendship taper off; writing a letter to vent might feel good but I probably wouldn’t mail it.  Now here’s my vindictive side… you could make "pulling a Kelly" be an inside joke to mean someone who’s either super oblivious or just rude– the story will get funnier each time you explain it and if it gets back to her, maybe she’ll realize exactly how far off base she was to impose on your wedding.

Post # 16
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

wow a bit insensitive if ya ask me

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