(Closed) My DH and his bank account…Advice, please!

posted 4 years ago in Home
Post # 3
106 posts
Blushing bee

What about having him sign up with Mint.com?  I realize it’s not as effective if he isn’t depositing his cash tips, but it will totalize the overdraft fees.  Maybe seeing the number getting bigger will make him see how much he’s wasting.

Post # 4
1210 posts
Bumble bee

@Twyla_Smith:  I think your Darling Husband needs some financial help. If he is agreeable to it, I agree with your friend to combine into one account. Since he can’t manage his money (and is wasting $$ in overdraft fees), its up to you to manage everything while he learns. His irresponsibility is and will continue to affect you. It will definitely affect your ability to buy a home. What about when you have kids? 

Also, I’m not saying this is the case at all, but he may have an addiction problem if he is spending so much money on gaming that he is constantly overdrafting his account. You could check out http://www.gam-anon.org/ for more info. 

Post # 5
10571 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

Can he have a bank account that doesn’t have overdraft?  Once the money is gone, it’s gone – no going into the negative.

Post # 8
1339 posts
Bumble bee

@Twyla_Smith:  He doesn’t seem to be bothered by his situation. You can sit him down and say we are a couple now and you can’t do this sort of thing etc but he is the one who needs to sense some urgency about his finances. I understand you want to treat him as an adult but frankly he isn’t acting like one. Now that I re-read it I kind of like your friends advice.

Post # 9
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

My Fiance is the same way! She spends a lot on little things that add up to be pretty significant amounts. According to my budget, we should have an extremely comfortable savings growing monthly. But instead, we have nothing to show for it. I recently sat her down and explained that it was becoming an issue so that she would be more aware of her spending. I have always been in control of finances all three years we have been together. We generally do the allowance thing, but she also has free reign to any other money… just will consult me on any bigger purchases. And vice versa.

Post # 10
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Twyla_Smith:  I think this needs to be a decision you come to together.  I like the idea of coming up with a few scenarios (ie like him keeping his tips as spending money) and seeing what works for both of you.  You really need his buy in for this to work

Post # 11
14486 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If buying a home and other huge financial issues depend on his credit score and income, I would try to get over the “mothering” him and letting him learn his own lesson.  He obviously needs help and as his wife, I think it’s approriate for you to provide this help.  If he requires you to take over all the budgeting and leave him with an “allowance” so that your financial futures are more secure, I’d say so be it. 

Post # 13
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

If you are afraid of mothering him then perhaps you need one joint account – managed by you with both of your pay checks. His spending money account – his tips and YOU can have a spendings account of X predetermined amount.

This way this are pretty even and it’s not like he is the one being babied, you both are using the same system.

Any money not for bills or food that would come out of the joint account need to be discussed beforehand. All non-essentials would be from your spending accounts.

But I would first discuss with your bank if this in itself could hurt your credit score. Perhaps what you really need to do is both go TOGETHER to the bank 1) To discuss how your credit scores are looking and what to do to improve them for when you want a loan (this might give him a wake up call) and then 2) To get online banking for him etc etc. Make it fun, it’s exciting to do these kinds of things together when it’s moving you closer to buying a house.

Post # 14
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If I hadn’t taken over the finances, Darling Husband would still be spending more than he takes in. I just took over, but to each his own.

Post # 15
755 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Twyla_Smith:  we have separate accts and joint acct. I manage mine and ours and he has his own checking and credit card too. So, he will give ” house acct ” x amount each payday and do whatever with leftovers. He puts online games etc… On his credit card and will pay that with his checking acct later on. This will/has helped because he doesn’t regularly ck bank balances like I do. So never any issues with insufficient funds. this may help you. His paycheck is for the “house” and use credit card to avoid over drafting if you think he could get to bank once a month to pay that credit card on time. 

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