- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2011
I just want to preface this by saying I’m not trying to rag on my husband, I am just looking for some input and advice. And sorry for the length, I just needed to explain things.
My husband and I have been married two and a half years, and have always had separate bank accounts. We briefly discussed getting joint accounts when we married, but I ultimately decided against it, because, quite frankly, he sucks at managing his money.
It seems at least once a week or every other week, he’s getting a letter from his bank informing him of some overdraft, and the charges associated with that. He claims to have money in his account, but he doesn’t keep track of what he’s spending, and he does a lot of online gaming, and spends more money on that than I think he cares to admit to himself, let alone me.
I think this problem has two root sources, the first being the way he was raised to not worry about money, because it will all work out in the end. That’s all fine and dandy, but there’s a reason he’s in charge of paying the non-essential bills like Internet and TV (what I call the non-essential bills). The second major problem is that with his job as a food server/part-time supervisor, most of his income is tipped based. He still gets an okay paycheck, but he doesn’t want to go to the bank to deposit his tips until he’s got a nice stack of letters from the bank asking for money.
At any rate, I’m kind of torn. I want to help him, of course, but part of me says that he’s a grown man, he can go to the bank on the week he’s not paid to put his tips in his account. And any time I try to broach the subject, he gets very defensive.
The reason this is more so troublesome now is that we are in the process of applying for a home loan, and I’m afraid his less than stellar credit coupled with his persistently negative bank account is going to hurt us. I have pretty good credit and am much better about budgeting and saving, but I still don’t think it will be enough to get a loan.
I have spoken to a trusted friend about the situation, and she suggested the following: Instead of linking my account to his in the event he overdrafts (which I had been hesitantly thinking about doing), have him close his account, put his paychecks to my account, and he can keep all his tip money as his spending money. I would take care of all the bills, and he would have that cash on hand to spend on himself, save, buy groceries, whatever.
Her reasoning is that it will teach DH to be more responsible on an allowance, which I get. But again, the whole “he’s a grown man” scenario, I’m not his mother or a babysitter, and I could see that becoming a major problem in the long run.
So, do you Bees have any suggestions/tips as to what I can do or how I can help him stay out of the red all the time? He has always had an issue with this, but it just seems to get worse and worse as the years progress. If anyone is in a similar situation or has been, how did you/are you handling it? Do we just need to sit down and have a serious, once and for all talk about it, or do I need to drag him to the bank to talk about this with a banker?