- 5 years ago
I considered going anonymous for this, but, eh, I’m fairly anonymous anyways! Also, sorry for the novel!
Darling Husband and I got married after almost a year of dating. We had been friends my freshman year of college, but then he flunked out of college in 2006, and we lost track of each other until I went to his brother’s birthday party back in 2008 (I was friends with his brother at college). We got married right after I graduated, and quite honestly, we did not know that much about each other, since we lived about 90 miles apart, and we did not move in together until after we got married.
I love him very much, but we are both codependent, although I’ve gotten much, much better over the past year and a half. For Darling Husband, though, it’s gotten so bad over the past couple years that Darling Husband rarely sees his friends anymore…maybe once a month for gaming. He only wants to be with me, and he gets really depressed when I go away for a couple days.
What’s even more concerning is that Darling Husband seems to have chased most of my friends away. To put it bluntly, he is a snob. He is egotistical, and he likes to pick apart other people so he can find some area where he is superior over other people. I get why he does it. He has low self-esteem (he IS a college dropout who can’t easily hold a job), so he picks people apart, goes over their flaws in his head, so that he can feel smugly superior to them.
And unfortunately, it shows. Every single one of my friends has told me, over the past couple years, that they do not like Darling Husband. That they feel he is a jerk, towards them, and towards me. Most of my friends have deleted Darling Husband off their Facebook, and some of my friends don’t even hang out with me anymore because they don’t want Darling Husband to come along. Even my BFF doesn’t like my Darling Husband to come to her things. I feel like I’m walking this tightrope, trying not to upset anyone too much.
It’s not like I can say, “Well, I support my Darling Husband above my friends,” and then go make new friends. Darling Husband would alienate any new friends we make anyway. I have discussed this over and over and over with Darling Husband so many times, but to no avail.
I don’t know what to do. I made a vow to be with Darling Husband until one of us died, and to be painfully honest, I have occasionally wished that Darling Husband would get in some accident or something so that I wouldn’t have to deal with this anymore. My BFF has urged me to consider my future happiness, but I feel like I have no right to do that. I feel like my happiness does not matter. I have a duty to stay with my Darling Husband, no matter what. It would break him if I walked out, and I don’t want to hurt him like that.
I am in serious need of advice, and I most likely need counseling. Do I keep trying to help Darling Husband change (which, logically, I know he will not, and he has refused counseling)? Do I stay, knowing that eventually, he will alienate everyone else that I love? I don’t know what to do.