- 3 months ago
I don’t know how else to put this, other than I regret marrying my husband. I know it sounds terrible, but I am at my wit’s end here.
I’ll try to refrain from a novel, but some backstory. I met my husband right after I graduated high school. We were friends for roughly a year, and then decided to become more. I was very clear from the start on how much I love animas – I fostered throughout high school and college, cleaned kennels, did transportation for shelter pets. I love animals, and I always have. My husband grew up with a single mom, and never had pets. His mom (who, let me be clear, was an OUTSTANDING woman), just thought having pets indoors was nasty, and my husband grew up with that mentality. Even dating, we would get in arguments about our future together and if it would include animals. I was very clear that I would always have a dog, and I would not leave my dog to be some lawn ornament. They would be indoor companions. We actually broke up (for a day, if that counts! ha) because he felt that I was prioritizing animals over him before we were even married. Then, he came and apologized, we had a huge talk, and he said he wanted me to be happy even if that meant having a hundred dogs.
So, we got married without living with each other first, which I feel that if we had we probably never would have gotton married in the first place. I already had two dogs and a parrot and, he KNEW they were all a package deal with me. He expressed over and over that he wanted me to be happy, was fine with the animals, etc.
Now, we’re married. We’ve been married for over two years now, and truthfully I am miserable. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband. He has a good heart, but there is some serious resentment when it comes to the animals and how I care for them. He literaly complains almost every day about the dogs. And any time the bird makes a noise, it’s a big o’l “SHUT THE BLEEP UP” coming from him. I constantly feel like I have to keep the dogs quiet and the bird, it’s like walking on eggshells all the time. The dogs can’t be dogs. They can’t play or run in the house (Okay, fine compromise). They can’t get on any furniture or the bed. (I agreed to that). They sleep in their crate at night, and even though my dogs love hiking I will leave them at home and just the two of us will go on a hike if it means appeasing my husband. He says that he doesn’t like it when the dogs have to be involved in every thing we do.
Also, I take care of the animals 100% myself. I let them out in the mornings, I feed, I water, I bathe. I go to all the vet visits alone with them, I clean the parrot’s cage and feed/water her, I take care of buying the food, etc. My husband walks right by their crates every morning and never offers to let them out, he just goes and gets ready. Which, I’m fine with. The animals have always been my responsbility and I have zero resentment about taking care of them myself. I love them. But anytime I do anything for the animals, or want to take them hiking, my husband always acts like a jealous child and says “I dont’ know why we have to take the dog(s)” or “I don’t want them in my truck.” Honestly, I could go on and on about his comments but again, I’m trying not to make this a novel.
We argue constantly about the animals. he says he can’t wait for twelve years to be done so the dogs will be dead and we can just have one. he acts like its the fact we have multiple dogs instead of just one that is the problem, or the fact that the dogs are big that’s the problem. he says, “If we had one small dog I would be fine with it,” and at first, I believed him, and thought, “He does like dogs, but mine are bigger so I can understand..” and then I caught myself. How on earth is it acceptable for him to tell me he can’t wait for my dogs to die??
this morning, it was muddy and rainy so i took the dogs out and brought them back in (feet cleaned first, of course) and he was just so dang mad that the dogs had to stay in the house this morning and that they wanted to be in our room with us, it just blew into an argument and we have hardly spoken. what else is there to say? we argue weekly about the animals, if not daily. he hates them, they’re too loud, why are they barking, why is the parrot whistling, etc. if the dogs put their head on the bed or the couch, he shoves them away with either his hands or his feet. he acts like he is playing with them, but he’s way to rough. he is like a bully who likes taking out things on the dogs, and this was a side of my husband i had never seen before. I asked him recently how on earth he expected to be a father if he didn’t like loud things or messes, and he said that dogs and children were different, and it would be different if a child were making this mess or this noise.
I just…I don’t know what to do any more, guys. i’m exhausted from the constant arguing, I don’t enjoy being around my husband any more. I feel like I’ve done every thing to make living with pets easy – I take care of them all, I sweep AND mop EVERY DAY, I try to keep them quiet when he is home and agreed to zero bed/furniture privilages…but I jsut feel so defeated. I’m not the kind of person who takes marriage lightly, but when I think of spending the rest of my life like this, I just cry. He makes me feel so guilty for loving my animals, and that by loving my pets it must mean I love him less. He constantly says I love the dogs more than him.
I don’t know why I needed to make this post, I just need to vent and get some different perspectives, even from some non animal people. When you love animals, it can be hard to see from a non animal person’s persepctive but I feel like I’ve been trying.
what do i do?