My dogs are making me regret my marriage.

posted 1 week ago in Pets
Post # 2
Member
286 posts
Helper bee

sentimentalgirl :  I’m sorry I usually don’t say things like this but my dog is my baby. I would leave my husband in an instant if he treated her badly. It’s so sad that you have to leave the dogs behind to go hiking. It would not make any difference to him to bring them. I’m sorry you are going through this. He sounds so mean to helpless animals. 

Post # 3
Member
2325 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I’m so sorry bee, but it seems like the two of you are incompatible on a fundamental level. And to be honest, I am not a dog person, but they way your husband treats them makes me really sad. He should not have pets.

I agree with you that his behaviour would make me absolutely never want to have children with him. Even if he says it will be different.. well he said the same thing to you in the past about the dogs. 

Post # 4
Member
46 posts
Newbee

^Agreed. He knew the animals and you were a package deal and he sounds like an ass for how he treats them. You don’t have to have had pets growing up to not treat them like objects instead of living beings. I’d absolutely leave anyone who couldn’t deal with my pets and at minimum be kind to them. I’m sorry you’re going through this, it sounds awful. 

Post # 5
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

My FH and I have had some of the biggest arguements of our relationship over our pets. It’s really hard to merge two peoples pet preferences when they are so different. While I am nowhere near as extreme as your husband sounds, I’m definitely not comfortable with pets in the bed and on the furniture, and constantly involved in absolutely everything. That was a really hard adjustment for my FH who couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to sleep with him and his 90lb lab in a small bed…SIGH. I love our pets like crazy. I cry just thinking about not having them in my life.  But I definitely need some boundaries to maintain my sanity. 

The level of frustration and aggression it sounds like he has towards them is pretty concerning though. That seems like a whole different level of pet issues. It sounds like you have been willing to make some compromises and it doesn’t sound like he is willing to budge much. Have you thought about talking to a counselor to get an unbiased third party involved? 

Post # 6
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Your husband is a selfish and mean person. You can’t be the only one compromising when he knew what he was signing up for. He’s manipulating you, when he says stuff like you love the animals more than him just to get his way. I would put my foot down, and let the animals be animals. And your title is wrong, it’s not the dogs who are making you regret marrying your husband. That’s all on him.

Post # 7
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee

sentimentalgirl :  him saying that he can’t wait for your dogs, whom you clearly love to the moon and back, to die is some hateful ass shit. I don’t see how you could claim to truly love someone, yet say something so hateful as to wish death upon something they’ve raised and consider family. 

 

Hindsight is always 20/20, and yeah it was a bad idea not to live together before marriage especially knowing how he feels about animals, but he’s being completely unreasonable. He said he’d be okay with it, but he’s making you feel guilty for even having the pets around. Whatever you do, please do not think that getting rid of them will save your marriage if push comes to shove. Your husband is having some serious jealousy issues and it’s exteemely unattractive and childish. I truly don’t understand people who don’t consider pets as family, or at least can’t understand why other pet owners feel that way even if they don’t love animals themselves. It’s very telling that he doesn’t respect this about you. It’s quite selfish of him…

 

Can you get couples counseling? Either way, your husband seems to have a shitty, mean character overall and I don’t know if it’s worth reconciling. Regretting getting married seems like the point of no return, to me. 

Post # 8
Member
85 posts
Worker bee

This post is the the opposite view of a post from yesterday about a wife upset that her husband priorities his dog over her. You’re a lot more reasonable and sane compared to the husband of that post.

Honestly, this seems like a compatibility issue. He’s not a pet person (that’s okay) and you are (that’s okay too).

You already have your fur babies and you should not feel guilty or feel like you have to walk on eggshells for them. They deserve to be happy too. Even if you are constantly living up to your husband’s expecations, you won’t be happy and neither will your fur babies. If you give them away, you will resent your husband.

I’m sorry, Bee. You can’t force him to change and you shouldn’t be expected to bend over backwards.

So what if he thinks you’re choosing them over him. You can find someone who will accept you and your babies with open arms and love you all unconditionally!

Post # 9
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

sentimentalgirl :  I think it’s reasonable for you to do all the looking after of the pets.  We have a dog that  I love to pieces, but she was Dh’s before I met him so it’s his responsibility to do all the caretaking.  

BUT the rest is ridiculous.  I’m sorry, he gets JELOUS over bringing the dogs for a hike??  He’s rough with them? 

I am a huge dog lover, but I don’t really like cats.  I’ve lived with people with cats before, and I just ignored them.   If they came over for a pat, I’d give them a quick pat because they are animals that should still be treated with some love and respect, even if you aren’t feeling it. 

I honestly don’t see a further compromise here.  Even with all the rules you’ve put in place for the dgos,  you can’t make your husband change his attitude towards his pets, and you aren’t willing to neglect them (obviously).  I’m sorry bee, it sounds like a fundamental incompatibility and I have no idea how it could be resolved. 

ETA: My mother hates all pets, and especially dogs with a passion.  She thought they were filthy and unclean etc.  That didn’t stop me from being a dog lover.  I understand your Dh isn’t a dog lover, but don’t let him use his mum as an excuse to treat your pets like shit. 

Post # 10
Member
286 posts
Helper bee

We are our pets whole life, I can’t even imagine not letting my pets on the furniture and making their world smaller 

Post # 11
Member
905 posts
Busy bee

The biggest red flag here is what is at the bottom of his behavior. Pure and simple he is being cruel to animals and mean spirited. Those qualities should be the deal breaker for you no matter if he directed them at a pet, or old person, or child, or someone of a different culture or race or lower job title. His ability to so easily be cruel and unfeeling is horrible. For that reason alone I’d divorce him. I couldn’t be with someone who thought being cruel and wishing death on innocent animals was ok. You are right to be concerned for how he behaves with loud unruly children. If he cNt be generous and kind to an innocent animal, I’d sure as hell not trust him around a child. 

Animals are your life, they bring you joy and purpose. I know divorce isn’t the ideal but you did say that If this is how he is always going to be, that would make you very unhappy. If you think couples counseling would work go for it. If not I suggest you divorce and find someone whose sense of kindness is never a question. 

 

sentimentalgirl :  

Post # 12
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Oh bee I am so sorry you have to go through this. You were very forward and upfront about your fur babies in the beginning. He should not be treating you or them this way at all. I mean if he doesn’t like them (clearly he doesn’t) but treating them the way he does is down right wrong. He is trying to put a wedge inbetween you and them. They don’t understand what is going on. They don’t get to ask question why this man doesn’t like them. Or why they can’t go for a hike with you and him. Your their voice. I’d bring them anyway. Either way he is going to be pissed off at them that day about something. Clearly this was a red flag when you to met. But he inisted that it wasn’t going to be a problem. I wouln’t even consider having children with him unless he gets some real therepy for himself. He seems like a very self centered jealous man. You bring a child in this world is he going to throw it in your face that you never put the baby down? Your always worrying about the children. He says it’s differant but his actions will problary show the same. 

Post # 13
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m a huge animal lover but I’m more of a cat & rabbit lover vs dogs. I’d have a dog if I lived on a rural property (a big dog). 

I volunteer at the local animal shelter. 

I live in an area that doesn’t get too hot or cold. I personally don’t like dogs inside. They smell and shed so much fur. My friend has her French bulldog sleep in her bed. I’d never do that!!

However your husband sounds like he isn’t nice to animals. How you treat animals says a lot about yourself as a person.

Post # 14
Member
5035 posts
Bee Keeper

I feel like you chose to overlook these red flags before marriage. I am surprised that a self proclaimed animal lover would even get serious with someone who has such distain for pets. 

It doesn’t sound like this is fixable, and might even get worse if his behaviour is escalating. Sorry bee.

Post # 15
Member
3716 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

He sounds absolutely awful.  I already had my dog prior to being with my hubby and he is absolutely amazing with him. Takes him for walks, bathes him after, feeds him, never EVER complains about our little furbaby. I feel so bad for your animals- what a horrible atmosphere to be living in. I’d worry that he would do something to them while I was away 😑

I would leave your husband and find an animal lover like yourself. They’re out there! And you wouldn’t have to do everything alone. Your husband is a selfish prick.

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