My dogs are making me regret my marriage.

posted 11 months ago in Pets
Post # 106
Member
266 posts
Helper bee

happiekrappie :  I’m not saying the OP should leave her dogs, or even that she shouldn’t be upset. I’m just saying that I can also empathize with her husband’s latest feelings. It’s a sucky situation.

I tend to think that her husband just couldn’t grasp what it was like to live with pets before it became his daily life. I genuinely think he believed it would work, or at least hoped it would. Obviously it hasn’t and there are major compatibility issues.

Post # 107
Member
2298 posts
Buzzing bee

amongclouds :  I understand what you’re saying, but I believe the onus is/was on him to try adapting to that lifestyle before getting married. OP doesn’t give us any indication that he’s ever even *tried* to not hate the dogs after moving in together. It’s such a shitty situation :/

Post # 108
Member
247 posts
Helper bee

adastra :  One might argue that it’s not entirely accurate to simply call him a “good man”. He’s a person who knowingly entered a relationship with someone who has pets, proposed to and married said person, and willingly chose to cohabitate with said person and her pets… and then decided to manipulate her into having to make a choice between him and the three little lives she committed to BEFORE he was even a blip on her radar. 

He may be a great person in a lot of ways, but his behaviour as OP described it is appalling, and his emotional manipulation tactics to try and “win” are gross. 

A lot of you are saying that he didn’t know what he was getting into, and I think that’s definitely the problem… with him. What if this had been her human child? If they had kids he would have had no idea what he was getting into then, either. Would that make it okay to bail in that case too? I’m not saying humans and animals are exactly the same, but the choices he’s made are pretty telling about what kind of person he is. He made a commitment but when it didn’t suit his own wants and needs completely, he bailed (forcing her to chose is 100% his conniving way of bailing without being the bad guy). Any person who makes a commitment to another living being and then essentially abandons them for selfish reasons is an ass-hat.

Post # 109
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Nepal

I’m not sure why some people keeping saying OP’s husband may have underestimated how much work is involved in pet ownership because he does absolutely nothing to care for them. He won’t even let the dogs out of their crates in the morning if he is up first. Animal lover or not, his behavior is pretty telling. 

Post # 110
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2015

adastra :  for a lot of people pets are a huge source of comfort and happiness. They have also been shown to have a massive positive benefit to mental health (for people who like pets obviously) so it’s not just a choice of animal versus person. It’s a potentially life time commitment to do without something that massively improves many people’s quality of life. My cats have been a huge help with my metal health and are hugely important to me. I love my husband but I would have had to think seriously about the life long impact of being with him if he had been anti pet and it would have been a huge sign of a fundamental incompatability that would have been a deal breaker for me. It sounds like the OP feels the same and unfortunately her husband didn’t realise that he couldn’t cope with it before he married her (or assumed he would be able to change this about her once they were married) 

Post # 111
Member
35 posts
Newbee

I almost married someone who hated dogs and pets..I love them and we could have never gotten past that. It’s fine that he doesn’t like animals in the house but it’s not okay that he lied to you and is now acting like a child because he can’t tolerate it. I’d say seeee ya! 

Post # 112
Member
1435 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

As a dog lover, I have always said I wouldn’t date a man who had ANY animal issues. I mean, if he picks a single piece of dog hair off him, I won’t do a second date. I don’t care what he says.  It’s how he acts. Trust me, I stopped returning A lot of guys’ calls as the years went by. 

That’s what you have to do as an animal lover. I mean, you don’t even know if he abuses the animals when  you are not around. I could never take that chance. So I never got involved with someone who couldn’t deal with animals licking my face, sitting on furniture, whatever. I always feared a guy might even poison themtoget rid of them. Never happened, but I DO love my animals more than any human,  and I have a man who accepts that they are my “kids.” Period. He loves them very much. I’m lucky for that.

As for you, you know you will never have more pets after these die,  right? He won’t let you. Not unless it’s his way.

I have never advised anyone to get a divorce before, but this is a deal breaker to me.  You never should have married him, really.it’s too big of a part of you to compromise. I say that because it just is that way in my life. I have had dogs for damn near 30 years. In the house, too.so no. I can’t marry someone who can’t take my dogs, too. It’s not selfish. It’s compatibility. 

 

Post # 113
Member
35 posts
Newbee

Why can’t you keep your dogs and parrot outside? Would your husband be ok if they lived outside? 

 

Post # 114
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

averagegirl : 

that’s a horrible idea. Parrot needs warm temperatures and dogs as well. Not to mention it’s safer and more humane for them to be indoors.

C’mon now people. I can’t with animal threads, they make me hate humans.

Post # 115
Member
35 posts
Newbee

lifeisbeeutiful :  um animals can live outdoors? I’ve had a cat, dogs and a parrot and they all lived outside because my dad didn’t want pets inside the house. But yeah maybe my mum should’ve just divorced him :/ 

Post # 116
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

averagegirl :  Not buying it. Where do you live that an exotic bird/parrot can live outdoors 365 24/7?  And dogs as well? 

Post # 117
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

 

He knew the package deal. I think the truth behind this isn’t the animals. When someone really loves someone else they want to do what they can to make them happy. You should tell him that. Maybe you just aren’t in love anymore, at least not the way you used to be. TELL HIM. Talk, ask him if he loves you, tell him how miserable the walking on eggshells is. He needs to hear it if there is any hope of a solution. He knew coming in what came with you and your heart, and he ACCEPTED it because he was in love with you and would do anything to make you happy. You have done your part, you have done everything you can to make him happy with it. What ever you do, do not blame the animals, and think you are obligated to get rid of them to make him happy, IT WONT WORK, he will find something else to fixate on and hate that you do.   

Post # 118
Member
35 posts
Newbee

lifeisbeeutiful :  Did the OP mention where she lives? You’d build a little shed for them to sleep in you obviously wouldn’t leave them out in the cold. Unless she lives in an apartment. In which case she probably shouldn’t have two dogs and a parrot. 

Post # 119
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

averagegirl :  so your parrot lived in a shed? Doesn’t add up and I smell BS. 

Post # 120
Member
35 posts
Newbee

lifeisbeeutiful : no the parrot lived on the balcony in her own cage. But we lived in a warm climate while we had the parrot. We had the cat and dogs while we lived in Europe where it snowed in winter which is why they needed a shed. I didn’t realise this was such a strange concept. It was very uncommon to have pets inside the house where we lived actually. 

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