My dogs are making me regret my marriage.

posted 11 months ago in Pets
Post # 121
Member
4814 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

averagegirl :  lol we had birds too and they could be in the cage ourside for periods of time when it was summer but no way in the winter or overnight when it gets colder. Domesticated animals like OPs dogs are used and have been brought up living indoors, not in a shed. 

Post # 122
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee

OP, can you build your husband a cage for the porch? That way he can be nearby, but not have to be around the dogs and the parrot. If it’s cold where you live, you could always get him one of those heating pads to sleep on. Not all husbands need to be indoor husbands.

Post # 123
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee

duchessgummybunns :  this is the PERFECT solution! Had you just mentioned it before, you could’ve saved us all 9 pages worth of grief. Better late than never, I s’pose :/ 

Post # 124
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

I dated someone who had a problem with my dog sleeping in bed with me. One night he asked if my dog could sleep on the floor instead. My dog has been with me for 5 years before I met this guy. I told him he had three choices: 

1. Sleep in bed with me and my dog.

2. Sleep on the floor so I can sleep in bed with my dog.

3. Go the fuck home.

 

That was the last time I saw or spoke to him. And in all honesty, I would have kicked him out right then and there had he not been drinking. No one gets to tell me where my dog can sleep. She’s my family and will come before a partner. 

 

I’m really sorry OP but it’s just a fundamental difference between the two of you. I think you should cut your losses. I know it’s way easier said than done but I cannot imagine not harboring some really negative feelings towards my partner for making me feel like I needed to choose between defenseless pets and their love. 

 

Post # 125
Member
970 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Tizer Gardens/Carroll College

duchessgummybunns :   Finally! A reasonable solution!

Post # 126
Member
1679 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’ve already commented, but I just wanted to add I do think some of the bees are taking the “can’t wait until they’re dead” comment out of context.  

My Dh came with a 4 year old dog, who is now 11.  I love her dearly, I really do.  But she has aggression issues with other dogs.  That means we can’t go away anywhere because no one will babysit her, we are cautious to have children, and since we are renters all our houses have been whatever we could get with a dog clause, rather than houses that are right for us.  I refuse to babysit my nephews because I refuse to lock her up outside and I don’t trust her with small children. 

We have both spoken about her life expectancy and how in a way her death will be a relief, since so much will be able to change.  This is just reality that she has a much shorter life span than us.  We would NEVER harm her and will be devastated when she does pass, but many aspects of our life are waiting on her to die. 

I still think OPs husband is a douche, but I think it’s unhelpful to OP to focus on that comment.  I do think his comment about “hypothetically what if I asked you to get rid of them” was much worse. 

Post # 127
Member
6592 posts
Bee Keeper

youngbrokebride :  “he says he can’t wait for twelve years to be done so the dogs will be dead and we can just have one”

I don’t think you can say people are taking this out of context when there isn’t any, but this sentence is harsh no matter what context you put it in. If someone told me they could fast forward time JUST for the fact their dog would be dead, I’d have the same reaction.

Post # 128
Member
1027 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Bee, I’m sorry you are going through this. I would be devasted if my FH acted this way towards my pets (luckily we each had a dog before and now get to share two!). I think this is past the point of one person not being a pet person. He has said that he can’t wait for your dog to die. Most of us who have pets know that pets are like family members. Would you be okay with this if he made the same comment about a person that you loved? I would leave someone if they acted this way towards anyone I love (including a pet).

Post # 129
Member
1679 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

jellybellynelly :  There were quite a few people honing in on that comment in their responses, and saying the dogs were in real immediate danger if he thinks that way.   I don’t think from what the OP has said, that the dogs actual lives are in danger from this man, those he definitely mistreats them.  Her dogs have a lifespan of 12 years, while I agree it is harsh to say to her, it’s not an indication that he wants to end their lives prematurely.  I think the OP has enough on her plate without being scared for her pets lives is all. 

 

Post # 130
Member
348 posts
Helper bee

OP I’m sorry you are going through this.  I can relate.  I am the owner of a super ill tempered parrot.  She loves me, but is aggressive to pretty much everyone else unless I am absent. She needs daily and intense interaction, and she completely hates my husband.  She hated him (and pretty much everyone I dated), as she has jealousy issues.  She bites him so hard that he bleeds when they are together and she just latches on.

It’s not an ideal situation for him.  She’s loud, she poops in the house, and she needs a few hours of attention a day.  However, I love her.  I adore her.  He knew when we got married, we were a package deal.  He understands this and doesn’t mind when I leave him alone to play with her. I keep them separated, but sometimes he walks in and she bites him.  She cant help ot, shes a parrot.  (She occasionally bites me too.)

I guess the thing is, even though he would prefer if she weren’t in his life, he knows what she means to me.  He tolerates her, because he knows how much I love her.  He loves me.  And I love her so he deals.  We thought the bird was sick, and he was upset for me.  

That’s what a good partner does.  They support you even when it’s not in their interest to be supportive.

The issue here isn’t the dogs.  You told him about the pets.  They are just animals relying on instinct and totally dependent on you. The issue is a grown man who is rational and loves you, cant put your needs and the needs of dependent creatures above his own.  

 

Post # 132
Member
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

youngbrokebride :  I agree. While not ideal words I think it speaks to his level of frustation from his living situation. I’m sorry living with two large dogs and a parrot does sound like misery from someone who is not an animal person. I honestly feel sorry for your husband not knowing exactly the life he was signing up for, being miserable in his own home.

My advice, is to sit down with a counsellor and you both have a free non-judgemental space to vent your frustrations. Really listen to both parties side of things and see what changes can be and must be made to ensure you BOTH can have some semblance of a happy home moving forward.

 

Post # 133
Member
4814 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

picturemeurs :  oh please. He doesnt help her at ALL with the pets and only.b*tches and moans about the attention they get. He knew what he was signing up for. Let’s not be delusional.

Post # 134
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

sentimentalgirl :  I support you.  I would ask him to leave, OR from now on the dogs will go on hikes, and do everything as you had done before.  He tricked you into believing he was cool with your beloved pets, before living together.  Ugggh. 

Post # 135
Member
10671 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

jellybellynelly :  

Totally agree.  What’s disturbing about the husband’s comment is his thinking that death will solve his problems.  If those damn dogs would just die, everything would be perfect.

That is not how normal people think. If your SO had a pet of whom you were not particularly fond, would you talk about eagerly awaiting the pet’s death?

It is not a quantum leap from that to him being the one to bring about the dogs’ deaths. 

I don’t know that it would be fully conscious on his part. But, when there is that much venom, you have to watch for things like “accidental” poisoning or gates left open. Something that allows plausible deniability.

If it were me, I would never again leave him alone with my dogs.  

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