- 2 years ago
- Wedding: January 2017
OP, can you build your husband a cage for the porch? That way he can be nearby, but not have to be around the dogs and the parrot. If it’s cold where you live, you could always get him one of those heating pads to sleep on. Not all husbands need to be indoor husbands.
I dated someone who had a problem with my dog sleeping in bed with me. One night he asked if my dog could sleep on the floor instead. My dog has been with me for 5 years before I met this guy. I told him he had three choices:
1. Sleep in bed with me and my dog.
2. Sleep on the floor so I can sleep in bed with my dog.
3. Go the fuck home.
That was the last time I saw or spoke to him. And in all honesty, I would have kicked him out right then and there had he not been drinking. No one gets to tell me where my dog can sleep. She’s my family and will come before a partner.
I’m really sorry OP but it’s just a fundamental difference between the two of you. I think you should cut your losses. I know it’s way easier said than done but I cannot imagine not harboring some really negative feelings towards my partner for making me feel like I needed to choose between defenseless pets and their love.
I’ve already commented, but I just wanted to add I do think some of the bees are taking the “can’t wait until they’re dead” comment out of context.
My Dh came with a 4 year old dog, who is now 11. I love her dearly, I really do. But she has aggression issues with other dogs. That means we can’t go away anywhere because no one will babysit her, we are cautious to have children, and since we are renters all our houses have been whatever we could get with a dog clause, rather than houses that are right for us. I refuse to babysit my nephews because I refuse to lock her up outside and I don’t trust her with small children.
We have both spoken about her life expectancy and how in a way her death will be a relief, since so much will be able to change. This is just reality that she has a much shorter life span than us. We would NEVER harm her and will be devastated when she does pass, but many aspects of our life are waiting on her to die.
I still think OPs husband is a douche, but I think it’s unhelpful to OP to focus on that comment. I do think his comment about “hypothetically what if I asked you to get rid of them” was much worse.
I don’t think you can say people are taking this out of context when there isn’t any, but this sentence is harsh no matter what context you put it in. If someone told me they could fast forward time JUST for the fact their dog would be dead, I’d have the same reaction.
Bee, I’m sorry you are going through this. I would be devasted if my FH acted this way towards my pets (luckily we each had a dog before and now get to share two!). I think this is past the point of one person not being a pet person. He has said that he can’t wait for your dog to die. Most of us who have pets know that pets are like family members. Would you be okay with this if he made the same comment about a person that you loved? I would leave someone if they acted this way towards anyone I love (including a pet).
OP I’m sorry you are going through this. I can relate. I am the owner of a super ill tempered parrot. She loves me, but is aggressive to pretty much everyone else unless I am absent. She needs daily and intense interaction, and she completely hates my husband. She hated him (and pretty much everyone I dated), as she has jealousy issues. She bites him so hard that he bleeds when they are together and she just latches on.
It’s not an ideal situation for him. She’s loud, she poops in the house, and she needs a few hours of attention a day. However, I love her. I adore her. He knew when we got married, we were a package deal. He understands this and doesn’t mind when I leave him alone to play with her. I keep them separated, but sometimes he walks in and she bites him. She cant help ot, shes a parrot. (She occasionally bites me too.)
I guess the thing is, even though he would prefer if she weren’t in his life, he knows what she means to me. He tolerates her, because he knows how much I love her. He loves me. And I love her so he deals. We thought the bird was sick, and he was upset for me.
That’s what a good partner does. They support you even when it’s not in their interest to be supportive.
The issue here isn’t the dogs. You told him about the pets. They are just animals relying on instinct and totally dependent on you. The issue is a grown man who is rational and loves you, cant put your needs and the needs of dependent creatures above his own.
My advice, is to sit down with a counsellor and you both have a free non-judgemental space to vent your frustrations. Really listen to both parties side of things and see what changes can be and must be made to ensure you BOTH can have some semblance of a happy home moving forward.
Totally agree. What’s disturbing about the husband’s comment is his thinking that death will solve his problems. If those damn dogs would just die, everything would be perfect.
That is not how normal people think. If your SO had a pet of whom you were not particularly fond, would you talk about eagerly awaiting the pet’s death?
It is not a quantum leap from that to him being the one to bring about the dogs’ deaths.
I don’t know that it would be fully conscious on his part. But, when there is that much venom, you have to watch for things like “accidental” poisoning or gates left open. Something that allows plausible deniability.
If it were me, I would never again leave him alone with my dogs.