(Closed) My dream wedding is canceled, but not by us.

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
4139 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Omggggg. What was so bad that she refuses to gift you with any more money?? So curious….

Post # 3
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I’m sorry bee. I’d either elope as a giant f u to mom or if you must have a wedding, wait until you both can afford it. I know neither option is what you want to hear, but as an outsider, I see them. 

Post # 4
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

It’s hard to give advice without knowing what exactly your fiance said, but it was obviously serious enough that your mother is concerned for you. She’s not acting like a controlling person, but like someone who is very worried about your relationship and wants to make sure you have professional help and don’t marry until you are ready.

From what you said, it sounds like she’s withholding the financial gift until after this issue is resolved. Therefore your options are an extremely inexpensive wedding now, or postponing (so no need to sell the dress).

Do you think her concern is unfounded or does it sound like she has legitimate cause to be worried about you?

Post # 5
Member
2503 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’m assuming that whatever your mother found out about is a HUGE issue and she probably doesn’t want to spend $10,000 or more of her hard earned money for a wedding she isn’t convinced is a good idea. That is her right as it is her money. Maybe you should elope if you can’t afford a bigger celebration? 

Post # 6
Member
575 posts
Busy bee

It’s hard to fully judge the situation without knowing what he told your mom. However…she pays, she says. She obviously thinks something is very wrong with your relationship to do such an about face and willingly throw away her paid deposit. If you feel like you don’t need counseling then don’t go to counseling, but prepare to pay for your own wedding.

It’s ok to be bummed that your original plans aren’t happening, but it’s also up to you to make the most of the new situation. 

Also, your fiancé shouldn’t be airing your dirty laundry to others, past or present. 

Post # 7
Member
7501 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I hate to say it, but I’m kind of with your mom on this one. If you and your fiancé are getting into arguments that are bad enough to make her question your relationship, it’s pretty easy to see why she’d revoke her gift. You can always scale the wedding back (like, all the way back to a church hall/cake and punch reception) and pay for it yourself, and/ or delay things to give you time to save. Use this as a learning opportunity, too— don’t count on money that you don’t have yet, and keep a reasonable head to plan expenses you can manage, even when you do expect a windfall coming in.

Post # 8
Member
47339 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

^^^^ what she said. Every so often we have a thread about not counting on funding from parents. There is always at least one bee who says “my parents would never promise me money and go back on their promse”. Oh, yes they would!

Post # 9
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
howard2saldivar2016:  It must have been a pretty serious issue for your mom to throw away a $1k deposit and demand professional help for you both…and if your fiance is tattling to your mom about your relationship problems in the heat of the moment, it sounds like whatever premarital counseling you’re in isn’t cutting it.

You can mourn the loss of your wedding and all the trappings, but that can happen when someone else is writing the checks. You can still sign a marriage license and celebrate six months from now. You’ll just have to do it on your own dime and field some awkward questions.

If you can’t comprehend marrying your fiance without a ballgown and an expensive party, maybe you should evaluate whether you actually want to be married or if you just wanted a wedding–and I mean that in the kindest way possible.

Post # 10
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

View original reply
howard2saldivar2016:  in a perfect world, money would be gifted without any strings attached, but as we have seen time and time again on WB, that isn’t usually the case.

I have to agree with the others that if your mom is suggesting counseling then this is a pretty serious issue. I don’t know what kind of relationship you have with your mom, but if my mom had such concerns that she would recommend counseling, I would take what she has to say seriously.  Marriage is so much more than the pretty princess party.

If you can’t afford it then you have no other choice but to postpone it or elope if you think your mom is wrong.

Post # 11
Member
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Eeek, I know how awful this must be for you and how the first instinct is to be upset at your mom – but my anger would be reserved for Fiance. It’s just too hard to give advice without knowing what he said/why he said it/etc., because including parents in your arguments is a big no-no. But I can see that your mom is being unreasonable if the past problem was like….dividing household chores or something. But there are a lot of serious past problems that all of us are probably jumping to without more details.

Post # 12
Member
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m curious if there was some sort of abuse/cheating within your relationship that your mom found out about. If that’s the case, I can understand where she’s coming from, and I’d like to think I’d do the same thing as a parent. I’m sure she’s not happy about cancelling. She’s trying to protect you. 

Why would your fiance blurt things like that out to your mom, any way? So much missing from this story. 

Post # 13
Member
3327 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

You can still have a wedding, jus do it on a budget. You don’t have to sell your dress or have your BMs sell theirs.

Post # 14
Member
1935 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Forget the money for a second, as nice as money is…

Whatever your Fiance said was bad enough for your mother to stop supporting you not just financially, but emotionally as well.

Is there some validity to her concerns? My mother is paying for 99% of the wedding and if she ever gave me a stipulation I know there’d be a very damn good reason and I think I’d spend less time pouting and more time soul searching.

Post # 15
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

If it were me, I’d put on my big girl pants, have a courthouse wedding and a lovely dinner out.  And then I’d tell my mother that I would have contact with her when she completes her assigned counseling.

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