(Closed) My Dress is In- But It Feels Like a Coffin

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

in theory, you can try to sell it and purchase an off-the-rack dress or sample that you don’t associate with sadness. 

or maybe alter the one you have?  shorten it, remove sleeves, add sleeves, dye it, new belt, remove crinoline, add crinoline….if you change what your mother initially saw you in, you might feel better about it.

OR, invite your besties over for drinks and snacks, and have a fashion show.  if you hear positive comments from those who are excited for you, and care for you, you may change your opinion of the dress.  heck, show it to your Fiance if you want!  he may love you in the dress, which may help you love it yourself.

<3

Post # 3
Member
1000 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
crazykoi:  Can you try and sell it? I would honestly just buy a bridesmaid dress from Nordstrom or BHLDN (Jenny Yoo has many lovely dresses) and wear that. I’m sorry I don’t have any good advice for you to overcome your feelings towards your mother, it’s just something that’s difficult to do. 

If I were in your shoes, I would just sell that dress and get a new one, even if the dress is not what I envisioned originally.

Post # 4
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Have you tried talking to your mom about this? It’s not clear why exactly your relationship with her has gone so sour. Is it just that she doesn’t like your FI? Did that not come up before the dress appointment debacle?

My gut reaction to this was that it is completely unfair that your mother tarnished your feelings for your dress and you shouldn’t allow her to have that much power. If you really love the dress, focus on that and what is best for you. Prove how strong and sure you are about your decision to marry your Fiance by not letting your mother stand in your way and wearing the dress you truly want.

If you attempt that and still can’t get past the negative association, I agree with PP that you could try altering the dress to reclaim it or finding a dress that can get to you more quickly. BHLDN, J. Crew, anything off the rack.

Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
crazykoi:  wanna trade dresses lol  j/k but I know the feeling I’m debating my dress for similar reasons feeling some bad karma and afraid I’ll get in a bad mood on big ..  I know it’s hard but don’t let her ruin your big day . If it becomes too overbearing just get a new dress September is 5 months away and it’s doable. I hope you feel better

Post # 8
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Ritz Carlton Laguna Niguel

i can’t help with the relationship stuff but I will say that almost anything is possible when it comes to dresses. I got engaged at the end of February and we decided we wanted a small family only wedding end of June. Most small places attempted to tell me there was no way that I could get their stock in time for my wedding. Id have to buy the floor model etc. I ended up falling in love with pics of a Vera Wang dress and even they said with a rush it would be possible for me to get the dress in time – I wanted to know before I tried it on.

I ended up ordering a different dress form abother designwe at a huge bridal store  mid March and it will be here end of May with time for alterations before our wedding. 

If you really decide you can’t get past the bad feelings associated with the dress try to sell it on Tradsey and buy something else budget prohibiting. 🙂 

best of luck and I hope you can wear your dream dress 

Post # 9
Member
1225 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

5 months is plenty of time to find a new dress. You can pay a little to get it rushed, buy off the rack or online, or buy secondhand. I think it sounds like you will feel better with a new dress that you don’t associate with her. Sorry she is acting this way 🙁

Post # 10
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Wow, your mother clearly has issues with letting go. Is she not aware that children typically move out of their parents’ house, especially when they get married? Like… that’s not a weird or unusual concept in the least, at least not in the US, not sure if maybe you live somewhere else.

And the fact that your aunt straight up told you the only way to fix it is to call off your wedding and move back in with your mom… I mean that sounds like something out of a poorly written soap opera. That is absurd. If your family is going to be so dysfunctional and nonsupportive of you I would frankly just stop letting them be a big part of your life. Relationships like that are toxic to your happiness. Yes, they’re family, but you can’t let them bring you down.

In your shoes I would be seriously considering returning the dress, eloping, and moving some place at least a couple hours drive from your family to start fresh.

Post # 11
Member
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

You can find another dress in five months with options like etsy. 

Post # 12
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I find it strange you had to move out to make room for your sisters fi.

it sounds like your sister has always come first between the two of you which is shown by the above as well as the fact your mum blew your dress off for a pre planned proposal on your dress shopping day- dont even get me started on how rude and weird that is of your sister if there was no other reason besided the dress ahopping- and the fact she is now basically cutting you out.

She doesnt care enough about your feelings so why care about hers.

seconded to the pp that said elope and just be happy with your fi.

youre mum is being unreasonable and it its absolutely ridiculous for your mother to expect ir your anlunt to evwn suggest that you should leave your fi and go back home just to appease your mother.

id be jumping on that get fucked train to nopeville and personally aould tell her where to shove it if she is being thay selfish. Respectfully of course. But still. Something like : if you cant be supportive of me and fi and cant get over your issues than i dont know if i am comfortable with you at the wedding/ being a big part of my life anymore. She should snap out of crazyville if you show her how much it bothers you.

Post # 13
Member
1190 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Look that all sounds bad and crazy but you are the one who is choosing to let it affect the dress. A coffin? Really? I think you’re being a bit dramatic. you should try to use this wedding as a lesson on how to not let your mom get to you. I know it’s not easy but they are never going to change so all you can do is change your own reaction. 

Post # 14
Member
694 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
crazykoi:  I think you really just need to envision yourself wearing your dress walking down the asile to your future husband. Start associating it with your day and your wedding rather than the day you purchased it. 

Go try on your dress, do your makeup and hair, wear the jewlery you might wear on your wedding day. Bring a girlfriend or your Maid/Matron of Honor or bridesdmaid. Geel beautiful in your dress because you picked it for a reason. 

FI’s mom has had a hard time letting him go and there’s been a lot of tears and frustration over it but eventually your mom has to realize you’re an adult and that you need your own life and that you’re growing your family starting with Fiance. It’s an exciting time and she needs to suck it up and realize you’re not her baby forever. 

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