Post # 16
I agree with the bees who say, make something positive about your dress. It is only an innocent piece of clothing after all, and probably beautiful!
As well, find some supportive positive people to spend time with. Take a break from being unhappy about the craziness your mother is giving you.
I hope your aunt was being facetious, not sincere, saying the only way to mend the relationship with your mom is to call off your life, and move back with her!
Post # 17
I meant the coffin as figurative, of course. The dress does feel like the pictoral image of me feeling caught between a rock and a hard place. My mom and I have always been close, so her sudden dislike for my Fiance and desire to have me call off our wedding DOES make me feel like I’m having to choose between two extremes. I don’t feel that it is dramatic in the least. If I wear the dress, I feel that I am basically killing off any hope of repairing this relationship with my mother. And lets face it, as children (even adult children), the parent-child attachment relationship is important. On the other hand, if I don’t wear the dress (hence, I don’t get married), I’m calling for the death of my relationship with my Fiance, which I also don’t want. I think that it is difficult to articulate these feelings, because I was definitely the little girl who was always doodling my “future wedding dress” on napkins and in the margins of my composition books. It is difficult to put the vision of what my life would look like when I found the person that I feel that I am supposed to be with to rest. The realization that I am slowly coming to is that ANY dress would feel like I am making this life altering decision- either for good or for bad. I can’t begin to explain what I have been feeling over the past six months, and there is no way that I could capture everything in a single thread post. Unfortunately I cannot afford individual pscyhotherapy to process this issue at the moment, and talking to my Fiance about it doesn’t seem right because I don’t want him to feel like this is his fault and that he is making me choose between him and my mother. So WeddingBee and its helpful members, right now, is my sounding board.
I appreciate all of your support, advice and feedback.
Post # 18
Unfortunately, I do think that my aunt was being sincere. Of course, she told me that this is something that I should absolutely not do and that I should lean on my aunts and my cousins right now for support. I expressed to her how surprised I am by all of this, because I have never seen my mom act this way. She stated that this is similar to how she acted when one of her older siblings got married, so it is a trend with her. After hearing what she has been saying, I do believe that the only way to make our relationship the way that it was before is to disolve my relationship with my Fiance, but that is something that I am unwilling to do.
The responses to this post have prompted a lot of soul searching from me, and I appreciate each of you and your wise counsel. I guess that what I am struggling with the most is the fact that the way that I envisioned my wedding and the start of my marriage is so drastically different than what I am living right now. The dress is just the “symbol” of that to me right now.
Thank you all for your support and wisdom.
Post # 19
I think you’re overanalyzing this way too much and placing too much on your dress. Your relationship with your mom sounds extremely unhealthy and codependent. I hope you reconsider seeing a therapist to work through all of these issues.