Post # 62
My FI’s mother laughed at the engagement ring he had given me while we saved for a bridal set. She laughed in front of the whole family and mentioned something in Vietnamese about it being small to which I replied “I love it. It’s perfect and quite frankly, I’m the one wearing it”. He has since purchased my bridal set and I have a larger engagement ring but I still wear my other one daily. It’s still my favorite and only 1/4ct. So don’t let these things get you down. You’re the one wearing it and what matters is what it means to you and your Fiance <3.
Also, that ring is beautiful :).
Post # 63
Your ring is amazing! Some people get so caught up in size. A big ring dosen’t mean your fiance loves you anymore than having a smaller ring. An e-ring should represent the commitment and the life you plan to share together. You should feel proud of that ring!
Post # 64
Everyone else has said pretty much all the stuff that I wanted to say, so I’ll just tell you that your ring is perfect and congratulations on your engagement! I’m sorry that your family is being petty and unsupportive. It sounds like there is a lot more going on with your mother than just the ring, and I really hope that you can sit down with her and explain how hurtful and inappropriate her behaviour has been before it leads to permanent damage to her relationship with your Fiance. Best of luck, and congratulations again!
Post # 65
Ugh. Bitches! Seriously. Your ring is lovely.
Post # 66
Your ring is gorgeous! You and your Fiance love each other and the ring and that’s all that matters. Let them be jerks. Don’t let their rudeness change your opinion on your ring. Flaunt it!
Post # 67
Clearly, your marriage is doomed because your ring is “only” .5 carats. *eyeroll*
Your Mom has lost her marbles and your ring is beautiful. I’d tell her to stick it next time she gets all preachy about your ring. That’s close to the most shallow thing I’ve ever heard.
Post # 68
I think your ring is gorgeous. I’m guessing that since you helped pick it out, it suits you perfectly.
That being said, I want to turn my ring to the inside and slap your mama for you. How dare she belittle such a darling token of love & commitment. And your aunt, too! They should be ashamed of themselves! I wouldn’t change a thing about the ring. You & FH chose that ring together. It has special meaning already. I feel like changing it to please those crows would be insulting to your FH & your relationship. It would be setting a precedent for your entire marriage that you really don’t want to start. I suppose you could balance by getting an extroadinarily gaudy band. ;D
Post # 69
This is sort of a bulk answer to a bunch of the questions here.. First off, WOW, thanks for the amazing responses everyone! I have been reading them over and over since last night, and checking out other threads about the negativity brought on by engagements. I can’t believe how many others have experienced this. Some of the stories you guys have told are unbelievable. Somehow the reiteration of my mothers crazyness makes me feel much more peaceful about the whole thing, as I suppose it reasures me that I’m not over reacting!!
I do believe my ring is perfect for me, I loved it from the second I saw it. I feel like instead of nipping those rude comments in the bud, I got upset and anxiouse about them later on, and instead of dealing with it I’m projecting my insecurities with the whole situation onto my ring. Sad. SAAADDD. Fi is having a very hard time understanding this and now thinks I hate my ring, so I’ve just had to suck it up and make some decisions about how I will react from now on.
Judging by what you guys said, I have to learn to emotionally distance myself from haters by not partaking in their games, even if the haters are my flesh and blood. Fi and I have decided to nip it in the bud when those comments come up again, regardless of time or place they will be politley shut down. It is NOT okay to allow people to shut down my ring..God, I’m still so angry about it. I can’t just ignore stuff like that and stew over their negativity later. It’s taken too much out of my experience already, and I can’t allow them to emotionally sabatoge my wedding to.
It’s extremeley difficult to accept that your mother is not perfect. We have always been very close and this behavior is totally unexpected. We have spoken a few times about the ring issue but it always ends in an argument. She has admitted to me that she was wrong, she has apologized to my fiance and me, but still insists I had some part to play. I suppose I just have to accept thats who my mother is now. She will never truley believe she ruined my engagement.
The “tradition” I am referring to is for the for the fito ask permission of the parents, and then bring the mother along to pick the ring, basically allowing her to determine the price and style of the ring. We did ask for my parents blessing before hand but made it VERY clear my mother would not be a part of the process early on. She is far too concerned with what others think when it comes to material things. My fi is not Italian while my ENTIRE family as far back as can be traced is. Not a word of concern was uttered about this untill the ring was seen…It appears that the size of the stone was a bit of a catalyst for a landslide of other emotional crap.
Shout outs to my Italian wedding bees! Its a rough road ahead…lol
Post # 70
oh and as requested, here are a few more pics of my ring:) I’m SO glad atleast a few ladies on this planet are actually positivley interested in it! You may have saved my sanity! Its great to have a place to be shamelessly proud of your sparkler without being torn down by bitchy women. THANK YOU!!
Post # 71
I’d tell her that if she doesn’t start being supportive then she’s not invited to the wedding (and come up with an elopement plan if needed). There is no excuse for being materialistic and selfish like that.
Post # 72
your story absolutley stunned me. I am so sorry that happened to you! I’m glad you guys are still together. It’s really, really unfortunate your parents reacted that way…They did rob you of something preciouse, as did mine. But I intend to follow your example and accept that I control my own happiness. Thanks so much for sharing that!! You are amazing, and congratulations a zillion times. You deserve it! I have to ask though, did you experience any other parental negativity during the wedding planning process? This is something I’m really scared of! If so, how did you deal with it? Have you had to distance your parents/ set new boundaries?
Post # 73
Honestly I would stand to them and tell them you will no longer tolerate their comments. Your poor fiancÃ©, what a horrible way to be welcomed into the family! You need to stand up for him like you would want him to do for you. Italian mom’s can be totally overbearing IF they are allowed to be.
Post # 74
@blueandcream: LOL that is just what i was thinking when I read your post. But i added that we will be making payments on it for a long time just so you mom was happy. LOL
I think your ring is beautiful. The two of you picked it out and mom should shut her mouth!!
Take some time mom free and enjoy each other
Post # 75
I almost always too lazy to log in these days, but I had to in order to tell you how beautiful your ring is! I love it, and if you do too thats all that matters. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, and it must SUCK! My mom and grandma disapprove of my wedding colors (black, ivory and red) and my mom tells everybody that the wedding color is pink, my shower (although wonderful) had pink everything. And my grandma feels the black is too morbid. I just had to let go and stop caring! Easier said than done I know….but hopefully you can start to love your ring all over again soon!
Post # 76
@blueandcream: I am so glad that sharing my experience was helpful in some way =] as far as wedding planning is concerned it hasn’t been too bad. Now having said that things aren’t finished yet but there hasn’t been anything major at all. Little tiffs about where to have the wedding our town or theirs (we won lol) how many of their friends should be on the guest list. Nothing has gotten even to the point of raised voices (which..well italian..that’s saying something lol) Anyway it hasn’t been too bad.
As far as setting new boundaries…uhm..my Fiance talked to them IDK what all exactly he said but it helped lol =] they treat both of us with more respect now.
I really commend you deciding with your Fiance to nip such things in the bud. It’s hard for parents too but it is as good a time as any to make them start seeing you as a grown woman and wife. Good Luck & hugs!
Again your ring is beautiful thanks for extra ring porn!! =]