(Closed) My engagement ring makes me cry…

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

At this point I would get a really nice bridal set (ring and ering together) for your wedding day! That way both rings will be very special!

As far as him not wanting to go shopping for wedding rings that is a problem. Sometimes it takes 6 weeks to get the rings in so if you are going to get the rings in time for the wedding you better get out there!

Post # 4
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Well I can understand his point of view- my husband never got down on one knee or gave me an engagement ring (I told him I didn’t need one if it meant more financial security in the future and a better wedding). To me, the wedding ring is the most important. Since your promise ring isn’t an engagement ring, and it makes you feel angry, why not just put it away? The real ring, your wedding ring, will come soon. You wil be picking what you’d like out, and it’ll be perfect. Meanwhile, maybe you could talk about that night specifically with your Fiance as it sounds like you’re still a little angry?

Oh and also, tell him to get his booty moving to the wedding ring store. Tell him the girls on weddingbee say to stop procrastinating and pick out some bling already! Wink Boys just don’t understand!

Post # 5
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am so sorry because I am imagining the situation and I would feel like you do. So instead of offering advice, I’ll tell you quickly something that happened with me that is similar. I was engaged only once before. Before fiance proposed, he said “I have $1300 with your name on it ! Wink wink !”.  Great ! Awesome ! Butterflies, right? Well, let me tell you that what I actually got was NOT what he promised because he “needed the rest of the ring money to pay for his rent”. I ended up not marrying him. Why? Not because the ring was small, but because this guy didn’t have it together enough at 37 years of age to be able to buy a ring and pay rent. Not only that, the hurt I felt at expecting something he promised and then didn’t deliver never really went away.  My point is, there may be a deeper issue here with your fiance? I would want to find out now, before the wedding. I would ask point blank “Why don’t you want to go shopping with bands with me???” If he answers “it’s not his thing” well, it dosen’t sound that starting from the proposal he is very keen on making you happy. That is the point 🙁 I wish you all the best !

Post # 6
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

im kinda confused with this post –

does your family know you are getting married???

Post # 7
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree, I think you need to be honest with him about how the ring makes you feel and that night. It’s seems like a small issue to some, because Yes the wedding ring is far more important but it seems to be really upsetting you at this point.

Maybe you should talk to him about all the things that are important to you during this time. Like “It would mean a lot ot me if we got some of the formalities out of the way. Can you formally talk to my dad?” or ” I really would like to go wedding band shopping with you, that would help me get excited for the wedding.”

I think it’s great to get a good venting session out with some Bees or close friends but in the end you need to face him.

Post # 8
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

In this situation I would be less concerned with the rings and the formal proposal etc. and more concerned that he hasn’t spoken to my dad (agree with spaganya’s Q–does the rest of your family know you are getting married?) and left our new place a complete mess – with rotting food on the counter.

I obviously don’t know you or your Fiance, but it seems from this post that he doesn’t appreciate or care about what you consider important.

Post # 9
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Have you told him all of this?  He may got understand (guys often dont get it).  He may think you’re happy if silent and nagging if asking.  Make sure to make your feelings clear – exactly the part about any other ring – even walmart!  Tell him you’ll pick it out together – set a date to go shopping… try and save as much as you can before then.  You can always upgrade later – maybe 1 yr anniversay!

Post # 11
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

What a brutal situation to be in. I honestly think the only thing you can do is to be honest with him. Sit down and just be honest and nice and explain to him how important it is.

I defnitely see your side, but I also understand how important it is to have a ring that symblizes your commitment and love for someone.  Now our days, anyone can get an expensive ring. Stores have all sorts of options set up(I know because we did some shopping), so regardless of the income end of things, it’s duable. What he needs to understand is the importance of you see as missing right now.

Good luck with things, and keep us posted 🙂

Post # 12
Member
92 posts
Worker bee

It sounds to me as though maybe he hasn’t listened to you very well.  When you told him why you would like an engagement ring, the point is that you want a ring from him with very different symbolic associations than the promise ring.  For him to say that the only ring that matters is your wedding ring isn’t correct, because he hasn’t understood why an engagement ring matters to you, in these circumstances

I think this is the most important point – it doesn’t matter if he feels fine about the current ring, what matters is that it’s making you upset.  I think you should have another shot about talking about this with him – it could be a communication issue. Good luck! 

Post # 13
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Couldn’t agree more with @ls18. You shouldn’t let someone else tell you what is and is not important to you — especially your significant other. And I’m sorry, but “old-fashioned?” He didn’t even propose to you… even after you asked him to and he promised to do it. Something just seems very off to me.

I hope I’m not coming across as “judgemental,” and I do hope you consider WB a safe place to vent, but you should know that a lot of people here are very concerned with each others’ well-being in their relationships. We don’t like to see anyone be treated with less respect and consideration than they deserve!

Post # 15
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

That’s great that you were able to talk with you Fiance and work this out! Good luck planning in these upcomming months!

Post # 16
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m sorry, I don’t understand the excerpt below. When are you getting married? If he can’t afford the ring, he can still “afford” to make you a picnic at home on the floor with music going and ask you to marry him properly. Aside from the romance bit, if you are getting married soon, how can he afford the wedding but not a ring? My ring was not expensive, it was under $1000 for the set.

The outcome of the conversation was that while he does respect how my feelings towards a ring and proposal and such have changed, that he really does not feel comfortable being pressured into anything like that this close to the wedding.

 

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