- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2010
and not with happiness.
A bit of background. FH never actually proposed to me. We just sort of realized at one point in our relationship that we were going to get married and started working towards that goal. He did, however, promise me a real proposal. You know, the one with him on bended knee? Anyway, as part of working towards that goal, we decided to move in together. At the time, we lived a fair distance apart so this was a big move for both of us. We decided that we would just use my furniture since it was in much better shape and we wouldn’t have room for all our of combined furniture in the new place. As it worked out, his lease was up before mine and he went ahead and moved into the new place before me. Unfortunately, he got called away for an extended business trip within a couple of days of moving into the new place. He assured me that the apartment was fine and that when I moved in (it would be during his business trip) that he had not had a chance to totally unpack so not to be surprised if there were still boxes and stuff scattered in the apartment.
Well, when I did get down there to move in, after a terrible flight, a fight with the office to get keys, i walk into the apartment. Oh, and I should mention that he had been gone for about 4 weeks at this point and it is now the week before christmas. At the earliest, it would be another 2 weeks before he gets home. (it turned out to be closer to 3, but he did make it home safely!)So I walk into the apartment, no real expectations since he did warn me that he didn’t unpack yet. I walk into an apartment that has the AC on full blast, lights still on and food left rotting on the countertop. That doesnt even begin to cover the hurricane that looks like it hit his boxes of papers and books. I literally walked in the door, looked around and fell to the floor crying at how much of a mess the place was.
I could do nothing but start cleaning despite how late it already was (remember terrible flight? lol) As I was going through stuff I stumbled upon a gift bag. There was a note that said it was my christmas present but I could open it early since he wouldnt be there. I did the wrong thing and opened it that night. It was a beautiful necklace and ring set with my birthstone. It is so pretty. I should mention that despite how pretty it is, it is exactly what I don’t like when it comes to jewelry…not a fan of the cut of the the stone and yellow gold makes me look sick because i am so pale. Still, it is beautiful and it definitely warmed my heart a bit that he had remembered me even in his mad rush to forget everything in the apartment.
The next time I talked to him I told him how much I loved the ring and necklace, which I honestly do, and he responded that it was a promise ring. He didn’t like the fact that we were planning a wedding but i didn’t have my engagement ring yet. So, he point blank told me it was a placeholder until he could get home and propose officially.
Well, he came home. He never did end up proposing and we are slowly getting closer and closer to our wedding day. He has since told me what kind of ring he was planning on getting for me (EXACTLY what I love and looks great on me) and how he had planned on proposing (incredibly romantic!). Unfortunately, some sudden expenses came up and the ring is now out of the budget, the event at which he planned on proposing has passed, and i am still waiting for him to talk to my dad about marrying me.
I know that right now he views this as a totally economic factor, and I appreciate that. He doesn’t see the point in shelling out money for ring when I can just use my promise ring as an engagement ring. My problem is that the ring doesn’t feel like an engagement ring! It feels like a christmas present that he got for me at the last minute because he knew he would be out of town. It feels like something he got so that I wouldn’t be upset at how messy the apartment is. If I had known he had intended it to my engagement ring from the beginning I believe I would feel differently. I just kind of feel let down and disappointed over not getting any sort of proposal. Seriously, I would be happy with a $5 ring from wal-mart (and I LOATHE wal-mart) just so long as it was not this ring. i don’t care about diamonds or other stones, i don’t care about gold or platinum. I just feel horrible wearing a ring that only makes me think of how angry I was that evening. I hate wearing a ring that feels more like an apology than a declaration of love.
I feel absolutely horrible about this. What should I do? I have tried talking to him about how I feel and all he says is “the only ring that matters is your wedding ring.” Gah, as right as he is about that, he refuses to even think about shopping for wedding bands!!! and we are getting married in July! Please Bees, what should I do?