(Closed) My engagement ring problem

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am sorry, but if I got a $5,000 ring, the only thing that I would complain about is the fact that it cost way too much. Your Fiance spent time picking your ring out for you and I am sure he would be really hurt if you traded it for something of less quality, but bigger.

Post # 4
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

do you think you could jazz it up with a band or two?  I think if you got bands that were a bit more extravagant and blingie it would jazz up your ring and you wouldn’t notice. 

Post # 5
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I second crebre’s suggestion…get a coupld of nice sparkly wedding bands to go on either side.

Post # 6
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

While I think you might be approaching it a little harshly (no one else’s opinion should matter), it is something you have to live with and thus, should like. Have you thought about getting a ring enhancer that has side stones that fit around the center stone? More diamonds = more sparkle. Or bands, like crebre said, can really make the ring stand out more.

Is this really a materalism thing though? I mean, no offense, but it’s America/the western world, and I understand if it is. I think maybe you should pick out a really beautiful right hand ring and ask your fiance for that for your next big celebration. You changing your ring now, after all your friends have already passed judgment on it, is not going to change their minds–they’ll probably still think you could have gone bigger. I think you should start trying to find something you LIKE about the ring, if your Fiance does not want to exchange it, and remember what it represents. Perhaps if you have children, when a son/daughter is getting ready to get married, you can pass your ring down to the proposer/fiance and get a big new ring!

 

Post # 7
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

You could always get it reset. It’s one thing to bring up that you may want to change the setting down the road, it’s another to blatantly tell him that the main diamond is too small.

Honestly, that would be like him telling you, “I know I proposed, but I have decided that you are too ugly to marry.  I’m not happy with how you are going to look as my bride, so please lose 30 pounds and get some plastic surgery.”

If you reset the diamond in a setting that has diamonds on the band and also a halo around the center diamond, it will make the whole ring pop and also make the main diamond appear larger.

Also, he did the right thing by going for the quality.  Down the road, if he does upgrade you, you could also buy an additional .75 ct princess diamond and turn your pair into earrings.  An ideal quality diamond looks bigger than one that is of less quality because of its brilliance and how much it sparkles. 

No offense to those who feel differently, but I think that going for size and begetting all other facets of the diamond is like buying a knock-off Chanel purse. It’s tacky.  Also, for those of us who can spot a high quality diamond, we aren’t impressed by sheer size while all other “C’s” are lacking and if you only want a bigger diamond, isn’t that who you want to impress anyway?  Random people who see your finger and friends?  Why not just return the diamond and buy a high quality 2.5 ct cubic zirconia diamond?

Also, keep in mind what the ring signifies – his promise of his unending love for you. 

 

Post # 8
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I always have to wonder who these people are insulting someone else’s ring…especially since you’re ISN’T small (national average is .5-1.25 ct – I worked in diamond and fine jewelry wholesale).

That being said, you should love your ring and I’m sure your fiance WANTS you to love your ring.  Can you guys go together to see about upgrading/changing?  As tempting as it is to get bigger and lower quality, I warn you to try to meet in the middle.  You don’t need an D/IF but steer clear of anything under an I or J for sure and if you opt to go so low as SI make sure you really study it.  Inclusions there you can actually SEE in person.  It may be big, but a big black dot in the middle or dark wavy line will get noticed just as quickly.

Post # 9
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

I’m wondering if you had talked to your FH beforehand about what styles of ring you preferred, etc…If not, and he just bought you your ring without knowing, then I think it is fine to get it reset with a more sparkly setting! You’d be amazed at what .75 can look like when it’s surrounded by diamonds…I totally totally understand the “wanting a bigger diamond” thing but it sounds like your FH isn’t on board with that idea…I think either getting a more diamond-y setting or getting 2 sparkly beautiful wedding bands will help a lot and then maybe for your 1-year anni or 5-year anni, you can approach hubs about upgrading…I think being a couple years removed from the engagement can help a guy feel more amenable to upgrading a ring…

Post # 10
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I second everything Mrs Louboutin said.

Can’t fight a woman who knows her shoes.

Post # 11
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I can’t say it better than Mrs. Louboutin did.  The jewelers we spoke to always said buy the best quality you can afford and don’t worry so much about the size.  Once we started looking at diamonds, the sparkliest and most eye catching were always the best cut diamonds, no matter what their size.

Post # 12
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It shouldn’t be the size that matters, but rather the fact that you and your Fiance are getting married. When we started looking at rings I knew my Fiance couldn’t afford a lot, so I found a less expensive ring because I didn’t need 2ct on my finger to know that he loves me. And I agree with what others have said, that you can get an enhancer or two (wedding bands) to add pizzazz to the ring. I guess the most important thing to me is wearing the ring my Fiance proposed to me with.

Post # 13
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

One more thing, I think your Fiance said ‘no’ to upgrading bc he was probably offended….he picked out that ring bc it made him think of you and it symbolized his love for you.

Post # 14
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Completely agree with Ms. Louboutin! When we picked out my stone, there was a bigger option in our price range, but it was less quality. I am NOT the kind of person who can tell good diamonds when I see them; I do not have much exposure to fine jewelry, and even I could see the flaws and noticed the lack of sparkle in the lesser quality one. I also agree with what people have said about how he put thought into it and it probably hurt him. I do think you should look into bands or enhancers or see if maybe you can get the diamond reset. You should love your engagement ring, but at the same time, you should remember its significance, not just that it’s bling to decorate yourself with.

Post # 15
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

This topic comes up so much and it’s always the same thing…the original poster get chastised for being materialistic and ungrateful. I really don’t think just telling someone “feel lucky you have anything at all” is going to make the feeling go away.

I understand it completely…if I’m expected to wear this for the rest of my life, I want to like it! My marriage has NOTHING to do with the ring…I have no emotion towards the ring. It’s jewelry. I have the man already, this is just an accessory and has no meaning beyond an outward symbol of “I’m taken”.

Sinitsa, you should bring it up to your fiance. First find out if it’s returnable, if not…then there’s really nothing you can do aside from re-selling it, probably at a loss, so the best option is to enhance it with a halo setting.

If you can take it back, tell him you appreciate the research that went into getting a “perfect” stone, but that you’d rather go for a bigger bang. It has nothing to do with him, yes, he put work into it, but it’s not right for you…would you return a shirt that didn’t fit? Hell yes. Why not something that you’re going to have for generations?

Post # 16
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

You know… I’m really, really annoyed by some of the comments on here. Now, my boyfriend has yet to pick out a diamond. But no, it won’t be the BEST quality or the biggest stone. But he’ll find a happy medium. But the fact that you’re saying that choosing size over quality is tacky, well. It’s rude. I don’t care what anyone spends on shoes seeing that I love my Prada, but there are some people who say that buying designer shoes is “tacky” because they cost what it takes to feed a child in a third world country for a year. Declaring something to be tacky IS tacky.

Anyway, back to the OP, if you’re unhappy with the ring, you should let him know- GENTLY that maybe in a couple of years you could try it with a different band? The ring is just a symbol. But it’s also one you wear every day. That being said, it was super rude of your friends to make you feel bad about it.

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