(Closed) My Engagement Ring was a big disappointment

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 62
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

my DH is a doctor too, I was more than happy with my engagement ring that cost less than 2k.

priorities, woman…

Post # 64
Member
210 posts
Helper bee

honestly, maybe his first wifes ring was not as good of quality as yours? maybe he really did focus on quality instead of size.

Post # 65
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

@Ringblues:  

Wow. All I have to say is SHAME ON YOU. 

 

I could barely skim through your message because it was so petty. 

 

SHAME ON YOU for being so caught up in your comparisons that you become completely self involved. 

 

You should not only be thankful for having a HUGE engagement ring but also for having a man in your life who isn’t disgusted by your teenage thought patterns.

 

Go volunteer somewhere, go spend time with your kids doing some valuable and meaningful to your family. GET A LIFE. 

 

I hope you listen to what ever small part of you feels shame for being so insufferable. 

Post # 66
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club

It sounds like jealousy to me (of his ex.)

The size of the ring is not an indication that he favors his ex over you.
Do you feel like he shows signs of this in other areas of his life? If not, i think you need to remember that he did pick that ring out for you because he wants to be with you.

Post # 67
Member
893 posts
Busy bee

If there wasn’t an ex-wife with a bigger ring, would your ring be a disappointment? Why compare rings, it’s immature, materialistic and pointless. Focus on your blessings and don’t compare yourself to her or you are going to have a very frustrating relationship with your DH.

 

More than anything, his finances are a HUGE red flag. How can he possibly only have $150k in assets given his income level. You both need to prioritize your retirement savings. Given your current lifestyle – complaining about a 2 carat ring, you don’t have enough for retirement and that should be far more important than a piece of jewelry. I highly encourage you to go online and use some retirement tools that calculate how much money you will need in retirement based on your current income and lifestyle. One million dollars is not going to be enough, not even close when you factor in inflation. Good luck re-prioritizing and best wishes!

 

Post # 68
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

Whatever happened to getting proposed to with a ringpop, or a twist tie? 

I’d be very apprehensive about making such comparisons with his ex starting off your marriage.

Post # 69
Member
1258 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

sorry 🙁 you know, I’m not going to judge you. I feel that honestly, this isn’t about a diamond, I feel this goes deeper then that.  Do you feel because he gave you a smaller diamond compared to his ex-wife that he “loved”her more or cared more for her? That’s almost what I’m reading.  Correct me if wrong.

Also, I’m assuming that you talked with your fiance about the diamond and he explained to you as why he purchased that particular stone. Do you think maybe he thought since you were doing a small wedding and keeping costs down that, that  also applied to your ring? Did you tell him what you wanted (ring) before he purchased it?

Guys don’t always think about the same things we do…as far as the fact that this diamond wasn’t as big as ex-wifes…now, I have no idea why he brings up how nice her’s was…have you asked him?

Anyway, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I (as I’m sure many women) would LOVE to have a 2 carat diamond, and I’m sure it’s beautiful.

Congrats on your engagement and you know….if you aren’t already it might be an idea to go to couples counseling….it sounds like there is some hurt all the way around.

Good luck! Megan

Post # 70
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way and I’m sorry that so many bees here are calling you shallow and immature.  Yes, you are lucky and it’s hard to feel bad for someone that has this type of problem, but then again, everyone’s problems seem big to them.  There’s always someone less fortunate and more fortunate than you. And I’m sure that these people that are being mean have complained at one point or another about something that a person with less financial means would scoff at.  So we should all remember that.

Having said that, it is important to deal with the jealousy you’re feeling towards the ex-wife. I understand the feeling, and I think I’d be a little upset, too. It’s not right, or rational, but I get it.  I don’t know how much of an extensive talk you’ve had with your fiance and if he knows the extent of your feelings towards the “inadequacy” of the ring in your eyes.  At this point it sounds like you’re upset about what the smaller ring represents, less love for you? And getting a new one won’t help. So you need to spell out the way you see this and try to get a clear picture from his side.

 

 

 

Post # 71
Member
7367 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Dump him. clearly he doesn’t love you….

 

Post # 72
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t know if it’s because I’m youngand not |the second wife” but you shouldn’t  be basing your worth based on the size of the ring he gave you – based on what he gave his first wife. That’s petty.
What I would compare if I compared marriages, is the quality of the relationship, not on the material things.

 

My Fiance could have bought me a plain band, and I would have loved it  – because he picked it out himself and wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

 

There are much bigger problems in the world than what size your ring is.

Again maybe I don’t get it, but if it were me , I wouldn’t be stressing so much over it. 

This is a happy time for you. Relish in the engagement and impending marriage rather than fretting over ring size and “worthyness” he is marrying you isn’t he? 
There’s a reason he didn’t work out with his first wife , and he loves you. So i’d just appreciate  what you have rather than what oyu don’t have.

Post # 73
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

@Hyperventilate: +10000000 my thoughts exactly. If my SO ever proposes I’d be fine with whatever, I’d just be happy to be with him forever.

Post # 74
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@Ringblues:  I’m sorry you are upset about your e-ring. Like some other bees on here, however, I am having a difficult time sympathizing with you about your carat size, considering it sounds like you were given a very substantial ring. So, that’s all I’m going to say about that. 

On another note, I agree with the bees that have brought up revisiting your priorities.

“He pays about $100k in alimony and child support and has about $150k in assets.   I make about $200k. I have approximately $1 million in assets and own my home.  We have 4 children between us and all are under 10 years old.  I have 1 child and he has 3 children.”

Four children under the age of 10, a fiance with a surprisingly small amount of assets given his current income and age, fiance’s child support… and you’re worried that your 2 carat ring isn’t big enough?!! You may want to put off thinking about an upgrade (at least for a few years) and re-evaluate your priorities. 

Post # 75
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee

I can understand your point to a degree. Comparisons, to a degree, are a very normal response, they’re a very natural occurence and very much a part of social psychology. I think you’ve latched on to this one token and it’s bringing to light a lot of other areas in which you think your relationship is deficient in comparison to that of your Fiance and his ex wife.

As far as the reactions you’re getting, OP, I think it’s hard to wrap for everyone to wrap their heads around such large figures (both money and carat size) but if it were scaled back a bit it might seem a bit more relatable. Of course there are many bees who feel that one should be happy with her ering no matter what size, color, clarity, cut, stone, etc just because it’s a gift of love. But for those who don’t subscribe to that…imagine if it were the difference between a quarter carat stone…and his ex wife’s ring were a carat. Would that make it better? He used to make $30k and scrimped to buy his ex wife a large stone but now he made $60k but chose to skimp for hers? I see where you’re coming from…and I would be annoyed too. But as for you getting flamed, perhaps if everything wasn’t on such a grand scale…the perspective would change and there would be more sympathy for you…but it’s hard to sympathize with #firstworldproblems ya know?

Post # 76
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Ringblues:  I haven’t scrolled through all the comments so someone may have posted this already but it sounds like you’re a pretty smart and independent woman so my only advice and/or comment would be that this isn’t all about the ring size, I think it’s deeper than that. Is there a reason why you compare your situation with the ex wife and is there a self worth or self esteem issue going on? And at the end of the day when you look past ALL the chaos what REALLY matters to you? 

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