Post # 1
So my boyfriend of two years broke up with my last week due to circumstances of abuse and thinking that I couldn’t live with him and his baggage. Our relationship was great until that blind sighted slap to the face- we wanted to marry soon after college, and my whole family loved him. Turns out he hated the long distance and the time that it was taking me to find a job. Well I got him to talk last night and he’s giving me a deal- I need to show him proof of a job offer near him BEFORE he finds someone else to date, and if I do he will drop everything to be with me, including moving in together.
Thing is, I know I can help him with his baggage and I feel like he’s the one for me. But my parents on the other hand are extremely religious and will retaliate if I tell them I’m moving in with him, a man who previously broke my heart. Sometimes it takes a break for people to realize that they need to improve themselves before they can move on in a relationship, and a break up doesn’t necessarily mean two people aren’t meant for each other. I know that we can get through this and eventually marry down the road. Now my best friend, who did leave her Catholic parents to move in with her Jewish boyfriend told me her parents were mad and didn’t talk to her for awhile, but they eventually got over it and now they are married, and their parents love him as a son now. I have to believe that my parents can be that way too, if they see that I respect their wishes but am following my own heart.
If by the will of God I can get a job near him before he finds someone else, how do I reveal the news to my parents? Would you move in with your SO or not?
EDIT: He did not ABUSE me ever. I was talking about the break up- it was like a blind sighted slap to the face because it came out of no where.
Post # 3
snugglepuggle94 : Well I got him to talk last night and he’s giving me a deal- I need to show him proof of a job offer near him BEFORE he finds someone else to date, and if I do he will drop everything to be with me, including moving in together.
What the fuck did I just read?
This man has issues he needs to deal with. You really think people who care about you would make you audition for the role? After dumping you? Scrape up what’s left of your dignity off the floor, run far and run fast.
Post # 4
No way, no how. Tell him you don’t make deals like this.
Post # 5
Wait–he hit you in the face and you are thinking of getting back with him? Or did you hit him? either way, you two definitely do not belong together. Abuse is NEVER OK.
Post # 6
It sounds like there are two separate issues here, your ex and your parents. My first thought is that love should be given unconditionally. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who values me so little that he expects me to race to meet his terms and conditions “before he finds someone else to date.” Think about what he’s telling you there.
The second issue is about whether or not to make decisions that meet your religious parents’ approval. It sounds like you don’t hold the same values as your parents and will have to find a way to let them know that at some point.
ETA: OMG, I read this as the “slap to the face” was metaphorical, and the baggage/abuse came from your bf’s family. If this man has hit you or abused you, that is NOT OKAY. That is a 100% dealbreaker.
Post # 8
my boyfriend of two years broke up with my last week due to circumstances of abuse and thinking that I couldn’t live with him and his baggage.
1. Any kind of abuse in a relationship in unacceptable. I don’t know who was doing the abusing, but it’s unhealthy and obviously a huge red flag.
2. Your boyfriend should deal with his own baggage. It’s not your place or responsibility.
Sometimes it takes a break for people to realize that they need to improve themselves before they can move on in a relationship, and a break up doesn’t necessarily mean two people aren’t meant for each other.
3. While this may be true in some situations, one week is certainly not enough time to improve upon yourself and move further into a relationship.
Your parents are right. Move on… without him.
Post # 9
Nope, run far and fast from him.
No relationship should be built on “he’s giving me a deal.” It should be that he can’t live without you, and you can’t live without him.
Post # 10
Ew this guy?! Wtf. I only wish you got a do-over so you could dump him. But no matter, better this way, DO NOT GO NEAR. This ticking bomb “before he finds someone new” is honestly the grossest thing I’ve heard in quite some time. What a class A idiot.
Post # 11
- Wedding: Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception/The Gallery
Oh honey. You deserve SO MUCH BETTER.
Post # 12
This guy sounds like an ass. Do NOT get back together with him! This isn’t even about your parents, this does not sound like a man anyone should be with.
Post # 13
NO he never hit me. I’m talking about the break up- it was like a blind sighted slap to the face
Post # 14
I was curious too? Or is she saying her ex was abused as a child and has baggage and the news of his unhappiness in the relationship was like “a slap in the face” as in shocking? Either way, it doesn’t change my stance. He’s not worth it. His hurry up and get her before I move on “deal” is a shitty one.
Post # 15
That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.