My ex boyfriend wants to get back together

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Truth is only you can know what to do! It seems you already know what’s best for you and are standing firm.

It’s natural to grieve a relationship and what could have been. If only and what if’s are haunting. Could you ever feel secure in a relationship with him? Seems like you two would now have a lot of baggage and issue moving forward.

Him not respecting your wishes to not see him and showing up crying outside your work seems a little crazy. Couldn’t he have had flowers delivered and try to win you over to agree to see him rather than stalk your workplace.

 Him connecting with his ex makes me wonder if he has a history of doing this and looking back, always thinks things in the past were better than what he has in the present. 

Post # 4
Member
805 posts
Busy bee

I think he tried to get back with his ex because she’s the one he really wanted. Maybe she finally rejected him once and for all so he come back to you. And he think you’ll just be there waiting for him. Personally I wouldn’t take back a man who essentially dumped me for another woman. That means you’re the #2 girl and now he’s moving you up to the top spot because the ex rejected him. I just think you’re finally getting over him, stay strong and keep moving forward, that’s my advice. 

Post # 6
Member
3070 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Don’t do it. 

1. This is waaaaay too much drama, especially for such a short relationship.

2. I guarantee, his regret is because he tried getting back with the other ex and it didn’t work out so now he’s back to plan B and assuming you’ll just be there waiting for him. This will be a theme in your relationship going forward if you take him back… You being put on the back burner when something “better” presents itself. Ugh. 

Post # 7
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I’ve been there. Why couldn’t you have done this a year ago? And I loved him so after persistence I caved. Eventually getting back to the place feeling wise that I was before but the damage had been done. The relationship didn’t last long. Without that baggage, who knows what would have happened. I had to re get over him, it wasn’t fun. But that’s just my experience. I learnt a lot! And am now so happy it didn’t work out! 

I know you are saying it’s all about what other people would think. But what about your own self respect. What would you think of yourself taking back someone who crushed your heart and kept it up for quite awhile knowing they were hurting you. 

megaleg2019 :  

Post # 8
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

 

I was in this exact same situation with my now fiance. 

It wasn’t an ex that caused him to break things off, it was deep-seated commitment issues that I learned about later, and that he went to counseling to wrestle with.  We actually broke up TWICE following this exact same pattern, and I took him back twice (which was a very scary thing to do).  Like you, I feared what people would think because I had leaned on friends and family heavily when I was grief-stricken and confused.  But ultimately, after also seeking counseling on my own individually, I had to gather the strength to do what I really wanted, not anyone else, because you get this one life.  I let him know that I would consider a reconciliation if we first went to couples counseling  (we are both in our 30s and both wanted marriage/kids), which he agreed to, and we worked slowly but surely through the mess.  This was in late May/early June.  Through consistent counseling and brutal, scary honesty on our parts, we worked to get to an amazing place.  In December he proposed, and in October we’re getting married.  We’ve lived together for a while now and, quite frankly, are happier than I ever thought we could be.

All I can say is that if you look deeply enough into your own heart and soul, you’ll know what you really want – and when you recognize it, don’t let anyhting hold you back from trying for it.  I didn’t want to live with any regrets and I’m so glad that we put in the work to get to where we are. As my counselor said, no relationship has a rom-com trajectory; it’s not all of a sudden magic and butterflies!  Real relationships are messy, we are human, and your story is your own, no one else’s. 

Sending hugs as you try to figure this out! <3 

Post # 9
Member
1321 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I gotta admit bee my first reaction was that things with the ex didn’t work out and now he’s back for #2.  

Stop worrying about what other’s think this is YOUR life and only you will live with your choices.  That being said, if you choose to take him back be prepared for more of the same….doubts, lack of committment. I’m not saying he shouldn’t have doubts but using the old “I’ve got feelings for my ex” excuse means he was never emotionally available to you to begin with and just played the part until he didn’t want to anymore.

You need to ask yourself….what changed that makes him so sure of you now?  Let your answer help you decide.

Post # 10
Member
69 posts
Worker bee

I think if you decide to talk with him again you need to ask:

-What really happened during those few weeks?

– Why dont you have doubts now?

– How many times have you talked to the ex? Did they try and get back together? What actually happened?

-Why NOW is he not having doubts?

Post # 11
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

I’m another one thinking he’s only come crawling back because the ex didn’t work out. He’s full of remorse now because he’s ended up alone and he doesn’t like it. It shouldn’t take the rejection of an ex to make him realise he should have stayed with you.

My advice is to stay strong and stay well away from this one, bee. You’re worth more than this and you can do better.

Post # 12
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Don’t do it. This man is not worth even a second of your time. It can be temping to try again with an ex, but he’s an ex for a reason. 

Post # 13
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I’m sorry, but I have to agree with the other posters that I think he tried to get back together with his ex and it didn’t work out, so now he’s back for you, his second choice.

Personal experience with this: I dated a guy that treated me this way. We had an amazing fling (cause it was too short to call it an relationship IMO) and he wasn’t ready to be serious with me because he was fresh out of an 8 year relationship with his high school sweetheart. For an entire year, he kept ghosting me and then reappearing months later expecting me to still be interested, and I was foolish and kept welcoming him back. He talked a lot of game about how he was ashamed of how he kept doing that to me and I deserved better but nothing changed each time he left and came back.

If you really want to give him another chance I would not jump right back into it full blast, because I think you’ll end up in the same position you were before. If he wasn’t over his ex when he was with you he surely didn’t get over her overnight after he failed to make it work with her the second time. If you choose to give him the opportunity to try again with you, I would stay in touch with him, hang out with him, and try rebuilding a friendship with him, but don’t become his girlfriend immediately, until he has proven to you that he deserves your trust and he is really there for you.

Post # 14
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

megaleg2019 :  If you take him back, make him fight for everything even once you are back together. Otherwise he will not learn to value you as he seems to yearn for what he can’t have.

Post # 15
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

Hell.no.

This guy got rejected by his ex and now he’s lonely. You deserve better than being someone’s second choice, particularly after he jerked you around the first time. Please do not go back to this man. And showing up to your place of work? Uh…no. 

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