My ex boyfriend wants to get back together

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 76
Member
502 posts
Busy bee

Holy crap – reading through this and what he put you through – I am soooooooooo happy you told him that message are done!

The bees here helped me with my own break-up last winter and made me see the situation better. It sucked because I loved him but coming back on here and re-reading the replies helped so much. I still have my sad times here and there, but they are short.

You’ve got this and should be so proud you put your foot down and are doing what is right for YOU! You deserve way better than that douchebag.

He strung you along, tried to get in with the ex, then when that failed tried for you again. Karma is a bitch and she’s slapping him in the face right now!

🙂

Post # 77
Member
11495 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

megaleg2019 :  You said he never told you he loved you. To me that is uncommitted. But point taken, you were exclusive. It doesn’t really change the way I’d see this. He wanted to break up to see if there was anything to salvage with an ex and did it in a particularly insensitive and hurtful way. Dragging it out the way he did was really selfish and terrible. 

Post # 78
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

I agree with a lot of these posts about him trying to get back with his ex.  I also agree that ultimately it’s your choice.  Personally,  I wouldn’t want to have constant trust issues.  I’ve been there and the emotional rollercoaster is not a ride I recommend to anyone.  You are setting yourself up for it, along with a lot of work as a couple to re-establish even a close semblance of what you had.  Let him cry.  You did it for months and he selfishly decided that his emotional needs were greater than yours by showing up at your work with his tears.  NOT a coincidence.

Post # 79
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Now let’s hope he respects your wishes at this point and move on.  I’m not gonna hold my breath tho.

Proud of you bee!

Post # 82
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Damn. Good job. It takes a lot to put self respect, intelligence and dignity over your (understandable) lingering feelings for him. I hope you feel really good about yourself because you just demonstrated that you will not be disrespected or poorly treated and that you are at nobody’s beck and call. I suspect that he will continue to try to contact you. Please stay strong and be vigilent.

Post # 83
Member
690 posts
Busy bee

I am SO freaking proud of you! You handled it so well!! Good on you for blocking him!

I felt compelled to write my first response because I have been through this so many times and made a fool of myself many times lol until I started to get angry and realized that situations like this are BS. 

I know it’s really miserable right now, but you will be feeling SO MUCH BETTER really soon and now you are emotionally available for a much better person!

Every time you second guess your decision, think about or write down all the things that bothered you about this relationship- you will quickly remember why it wasn’t meant to be- and thank God, because now you don’t have to deal with that anymore! You can choose to be free of all the BS and drama and demand more from your next partner.

Do whatever makes you happy- spend time with friends, a nice bath with a glass of wine, get some of your favorite takeout and put on your favorite movie, spa day, whatever you like. Treat yourself because you made a very wise and difficult decision and you are well on your way to bigger and better things!

This is a motherfucking victory. And you will see that soon, OP. You are going to be more than okay. Cheers to you! 

to megaleg2019 :  

Post # 84
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Well done, OP!!! 

Please know that I am giving you a mental slow clap. 

Post # 86
Member
5770 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

megaleg2019 :  Accountability conversations (where you call people out on their fucked up behaviors- like you mentioned you are considering doing) are for relationships. You aren’t trying to have a relationship with this guy. At this point, you’re just trying to get his dense ass to catch a clue and stop love bombing you.

What he is doing right now is barraging your mental space so that you second guess your healthy first inclination which was that he needed to leave you alone. And rather than completely shutting him and his bullshit down, you left a little bit of an opening to try to give yourself space to think and consider, and now he’s trying to pry through the rest of your resistance.

DO NOT engage with him and his games any further. Otherwise, you will likely find yourself in another few months of back and forth fuckery and only after you open up to him and start to relax, he will do something else.

He’s shown you who he is already. You’d better believe him.

ETA – Just got through all of your updates, OP- GOOD FOR YOU!!!! 

Now- you have to put together a break up bootcamp. Pamper yourself (all over again), treat yourself to some good friend time and down time and massages and good meals and go dancing and sign up for a class you always wanted to take and and plan a trip and talk with a therapist if you need it and do ALL of the things you need to do to soothe this wound. Again.

Good for you, calling out his selfish bullshit. Dude’s head is so far up his own ass, you wouldn’t have been able to kiss him without getting shit on your lips. Meh. Psssh

Post # 87
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee

I responded to his last text saying “I have a really busy day today and plans tonight so I won’t be able to talk.  I really don’t like that you are pushing this and not giving me space.”

 

He responded “Well whenever you have the time this weekend please just give me 5 minutes.  I’m pushing this because it means everything to me and I really hope there’s at least some feeling you have that doesn’t want to shut the door forever.  I would do whatever it takes.”

For whatever reason his response really pissed me off. 

 

You were reacting to your gut. His message said: “*I* need to say my piece ASAP. I am pushing this because I am exeriencing emotional discomfort. I want to finish what I had to say, or try to work you from another angle to see if a new technique will work. I need to see you in person because I need to read your facial expressions and body language to understand whether or not my BS is working on you, and how to adjust accordingly. I want to be sure that if you are done, that I have said everything that I want to for closure so that I can villanize you, and romanticize my grand responses as ‘your fault’ if you reject me for real.”

Again, this was an opportunity for him to say to himself (if he were normal, healthy, and truly experiencing love instead of panic over rejection) “I need to slow down. She is saying this is making her uncomfortable. I need to give her the space she gave me. I will apologize and leave the door open for her to approach me when or if she is comfortable.”

None of that happened.  Instead, my above summary happened.

I’m so glad that your knee-jerk reaction was to recognize what he was doing this time and push him out of your life.

I’m sorry that you have been put through this again. And, I know that this will not be an easy “mourning” period. Eventually, as you allow yourself to heal and be kind to yourself, you will realize how happy to be free of this juvenile you really are.

Post # 88
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

If he shows up at your work or apartment, run back inside and call the cops. That’s harrassment and/or stalking.You’ve explicitly asked him not to contact you.

Stand your ground. You’ve done the right thing. 

ETA: The reason he is so anxious is because he needs a quick answer from you so that he can move on to plan C if needed.

Post # 89
Member
2860 posts
Sugar bee

YES girl! That message must have been soooooo satisfying. Even if it’s not right now, it will be in the long run. You’re absolutely right that his pushiness was DISRESPECTFUL not a demonstration of love and care. 

I agree with PPs to keep an eye on your surrounding. His behaviour is almost exactly like an ex of mine that turned out to be very unstable. He basically ghosted me for his ex while we were dating and then came back begging desperately saying he made a mistake, that I was the only one, and hanging around outside my home and work. I eventually had to call the cops on him.

And guess what – I later found out that he was doing the exact same thing to the other ex at the same time. She called the cops on him too and they put him on psychiactric hold. 

Post # 90
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

notmeeither :  and a slow clap for you too! 

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