My ex boyfriend wants to get back together

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 92
Member
2123 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

megaleg2019 :  Bee, I know it probably feels vindicating that after how he treated you last year, now he is the one begging you for a chance. And I know that despite his behavior, you have good times with him to remember that are hard to ignore.

 

But Bee. You must consider this- Ex didn’t like, try to slide in at all. He didn’t shoot you a casual email asking you what’s been new, and after a bit of correspondence, maybe ask you to lunch or dinner. He just threw all this at you all at once, and then demanded an answer on the spot. And then chased you down when he didn’t get it.

 

You know what that says? He was expecting you to be so gosh darn relieved that you were getting a second chance with him that of course you would welcome him back with open arms! Of course you’d be grateful that he finally came back to you! That is not respectful. He really thought he could throw you on a shelf, go chase after other women, then come back to you like he never missed a beat. And his stalking and crying and begging now? Total panic because he miscalculated. All along you’ve been his safety net. And he just found out he’s falling and there’s no net below him.

 

Bee, this is not a man respectful of his partner. This is a man who expected to get his way and now thinks he just has to adjust his game plan and still get his way. Him saying he’ll do whatever it takes? That doesn’t mean he gives a shit about your feelings. That means he’ll do whatever it takes to get a reconciliation.

 

Because that’s what he wants. A reconciliation. And if jumping through hoops to get it means assuaging your hurt feelings and the end result is he gets his way, then he’ll do it, because his goal is TO GET HIS WAY. NOT to assuage your hurt feelings. If he kills both birds with one stone, fine, but make no mistake over what his actual goal is.

Post # 94
Member
6492 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

megaleg2019 :  It’s perfectly understandable that you’re having a difficult time right now. Take some time to grieve, that’s okay. But re-read what you just wrote.

“I know he has at least 2 ex girlfriends (one being his ex-wife… I forgot to mention he was married for less than a year!) that he has broken up with and gotten back together with multiple times. That’s why I feel like that is just his thing.”

This is a pattern of his. He’s done this before. Good thing you didn’t fall for it! Stay strong Bee!

Post # 95
Member
694 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

It’s also entirely possible that he has started dating someone new and is currently pulling the same shit on another woman. 

This guy is bad business. He’s been a bullshit yo-yoing dbag in the past at least twice before you.  He was a bullshit yo-yoing dbag with you.  This is who he is. Be thankful that you only needed to learn the lesson from him once.

Post # 96
Member
445 posts
Helper bee

Just read your update…glad to hear you didn’t fall for it bc you really do deserve so much better! 

Post # 97
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

heh. If it were me, I’d go grab a drink w/ the ex wife and ex girlfriend. I bet that would be eye-opening, plus you’d get to make new friends with maaaaybe super cool women, AND if he happened to find out you all had become friends, he’d be terrified. muahaha 

Post # 98
Member
965 posts
Busy bee

megaleg2019 :  Poor bee! It can be tough to suddenly re-experience all of these emotions. I think you’ll have a bit of good days and a bit of bad days, because you are mourning the “loss” of someone a second time. It speaks to your kindness, authenticity in relationships and value that you’re going through a bit of hurt periodically over this recent drama he pulled.

But 100%, you are also whip-smart, and protecting your strong sense of self. You made the right decision and freed yourself for healing, and a future with a true partner in your future. This guy? He didn’t value you. I really liked a previous Bee’s summary who said that he saw the amazing, loving, quality person you were and decided to put you on a shelf for someone else. Because it’s true, and you deserve better. Not to dab the eyes of some sad-boy who is acting out in shock that someone isn’t racing to slap a bandaid on his ego. Please! What a joker. 

Singleness won’t last for you, Bee. You’re just in holding, pre-take off, waiting for a genuine someone who recognizes all that you are and doesn’t have an once of question about it.

Men who bounce back and forth between exes are selfish, easily distracted, non-commital, and always playing people falsely to try to keep a “harem” of partners and back up partners around for themselves. They can be tough to get over because they falsely love bomb you with words or actions for a while and leave your head spinning. But none of this sudden intense “love” was about you, it was about him. And you deserve to have someone wild about you in a way that feels deep, and easy and wonderful. Not his stage drama, almost-40-manchild tomfoolery.

You are taking ALL the right steps to put yourself in a position for a real relationship. And you’ve done a kick-ass thing by shutting this joker down, not allowing him to use you as his ego toy, and keeping yourself free to find REAL love elsewhere.

Well done, Bee. Keep coming back here when you have rough patches if you need to, until you no longer have them. We’re all really proud of you!

Post # 100
Member
3397 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

megaleg2019 :  Wow, bee, you’re amazing! I’m so happy you made the decision you made by following your gut & THEN found out that you were absolutely right about the ex situation. Good for you!!! I would interpret the social media stuff the same way you did. Now you know you can trust your gut and I hope you have an absolute blast on your date this week!! You deserve it. 

Post # 101
Member
258 posts
Helper bee

Wow… what a positive end to your story. Now a whole new chapter begins. Good luck on your date this week!

Post # 102
Member
445 posts
Helper bee

megaleg2019 :  Good for you for following your gut on the situation w/ the ex & finding out you were right. I hope you have an amazing time on your date this week bee. You definitely deserve it! 

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