Post # 91
Thanks everyone for your support. I am having a really hard time today. I guess I’m feeling like I’m totally single and the person who I loved and originally had this amazing relationship with – is BEGGING me to take him back and there definitely still are feelings there. I am pretty sure it was the right decision and I am sticking with it. But for some reason I’m struggling. I just don’t see how I could ever not be worried or feel secure in the relationship again. I know he has at least 2 ex girlfriends (one being his ex-wife… I forgot to mention he was married for less than a year!) that he has broken up with and gotten back together with multiple times. That’s why I feel like that is just his thing. He likes the idea of being in a relationship but I feel like he self sabotages and just can’t do it. Sorry thinking aloud. I’m sad
Post # 92
megaleg2019 : Bee, I know it probably feels vindicating that after how he treated you last year, now he is the one begging you for a chance. And I know that despite his behavior, you have good times with him to remember that are hard to ignore.
But Bee. You must consider this- Ex didn’t like, try to slide in at all. He didn’t shoot you a casual email asking you what’s been new, and after a bit of correspondence, maybe ask you to lunch or dinner. He just threw all this at you all at once, and then demanded an answer on the spot. And then chased you down when he didn’t get it.
You know what that says? He was expecting you to be so gosh darn relieved that you were getting a second chance with him that of course you would welcome him back with open arms! Of course you’d be grateful that he finally came back to you! That is not respectful. He really thought he could throw you on a shelf, go chase after other women, then come back to you like he never missed a beat. And his stalking and crying and begging now? Total panic because he miscalculated. All along you’ve been his safety net. And he just found out he’s falling and there’s no net below him.
Bee, this is not a man respectful of his partner. This is a man who expected to get his way and now thinks he just has to adjust his game plan and still get his way. Him saying he’ll do whatever it takes? That doesn’t mean he gives a shit about your feelings. That means he’ll do whatever it takes to get a reconciliation.
Because that’s what he wants. A reconciliation. And if jumping through hoops to get it means assuaging your hurt feelings and the end result is he gets his way, then he’ll do it, because his goal is TO GET HIS WAY. NOT to assuage your hurt feelings. If he kills both birds with one stone, fine, but make no mistake over what his actual goal is.
Post # 93
Tatum : so true. You are 100% correct. Thank you!!!
You guys are such a great little support system and have really helped me view this all much more clearly. I really thank you! I wish we could all grab a drink sometime lol!
Post # 94
megaleg2019 : It’s perfectly understandable that you’re having a difficult time right now. Take some time to grieve, that’s okay. But re-read what you just wrote.
“I know he has at least 2 ex girlfriends (one being his ex-wife… I forgot to mention he was married for less than a year!) that he has broken up with and gotten back together with multiple times. That’s why I feel like that is just his thing.”
This is a pattern of his. He’s done this before. Good thing you didn’t fall for it! Stay strong Bee!
Post # 95
It’s also entirely possible that he has started dating someone new and is currently pulling the same shit on another woman.
This guy is bad business. He’s been a bullshit yo-yoing dbag in the past at least twice before you. He was a bullshit yo-yoing dbag with you. This is who he is. Be thankful that you only needed to learn the lesson from him once.
Post # 96
Just read your update…glad to hear you didn’t fall for it bc you really do deserve so much better!
Post # 97
heh. If it were me, I’d go grab a drink w/ the ex wife and ex girlfriend. I bet that would be eye-opening, plus you’d get to make new friends with maaaaybe super cool women, AND if he happened to find out you all had become friends, he’d be terrified. muahaha
Post # 98
megaleg2019 : Poor bee! It can be tough to suddenly re-experience all of these emotions. I think you’ll have a bit of good days and a bit of bad days, because you are mourning the “loss” of someone a second time. It speaks to your kindness, authenticity in relationships and value that you’re going through a bit of hurt periodically over this recent drama he pulled.
But 100%, you are also whip-smart, and protecting your strong sense of self. You made the right decision and freed yourself for healing, and a future with a true partner in your future. This guy? He didn’t value you. I really liked a previous Bee’s summary who said that he saw the amazing, loving, quality person you were and decided to put you on a shelf for someone else. Because it’s true, and you deserve better. Not to dab the eyes of some sad-boy who is acting out in shock that someone isn’t racing to slap a bandaid on his ego. Please! What a joker.
Singleness won’t last for you, Bee. You’re just in holding, pre-take off, waiting for a genuine someone who recognizes all that you are and doesn’t have an once of question about it.
Men who bounce back and forth between exes are selfish, easily distracted, non-commital, and always playing people falsely to try to keep a “harem” of partners and back up partners around for themselves. They can be tough to get over because they falsely love bomb you with words or actions for a while and leave your head spinning. But none of this sudden intense “love” was about you, it was about him. And you deserve to have someone wild about you in a way that feels deep, and easy and wonderful. Not his stage drama, almost-40-manchild tomfoolery.
You are taking ALL the right steps to put yourself in a position for a real relationship. And you’ve done a kick-ass thing by shutting this joker down, not allowing him to use you as his ego toy, and keeping yourself free to find REAL love elsewhere.
Well done, Bee. Keep coming back here when you have rough patches if you need to, until you no longer have them. We’re all really proud of you!
Post # 99
Thank you again to everyone! This weekend was really good actually and I didn’t really think about him much – was out with friends. I already feel pretty much totally over it and actually have a date set up for later this week.
So one more thing that I wanted to share – and I KNOW this is petty. It’s social-media related, but I think it still tells a story. This proves that all of you who said I was the back up plan were 100% right.
My friend from work is a bit nosy and I had told her the whole story and she asked to see the ex girlfriend’s instagram. So I showed her because her instagram is on public and I’m kind of over the situation now. Just for fun at this point – we looked and noticed that he had been liking her pictures the first 4 months him and I were dating – so this was after him and I had traveled on vacation together, he took me as a date to a wedding, etc. The last interaction we saw between them was in mid-February 2019 of them liking pictures. We checked and they both now no longer follow each other. So 1000% that means (to me) that they were rekindling things and it didn’t work out and potentially ended badly (again) if they both unfollowed each other after having been following eachother for years. This explains why NOW he is crying outside my office.
I know instgram and social media is super petty, but it actually does tell a pretty good story and I definitely feel even better about my decision now. He doesn’t really love me, he’s just alone again.
Post # 100
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
megaleg2019 : Wow, bee, you’re amazing! I’m so happy you made the decision you made by following your gut & THEN found out that you were absolutely right about the ex situation. Good for you!!! I would interpret the social media stuff the same way you did. Now you know you can trust your gut and I hope you have an absolute blast on your date this week!! You deserve it.
Post # 101
Wow… what a positive end to your story. Now a whole new chapter begins. Good luck on your date this week!
Post # 102
megaleg2019 : Good for you for following your gut on the situation w/ the ex & finding out you were right. I hope you have an amazing time on your date this week bee. You definitely deserve it!
Post # 103
How are things going bee? Is he still attempting to contact you?
Post # 104
kellybride09 : Hi! Thanks for checking up – he hasn’t attempted to contact me because after my last text I blocked his phone number. He is also blocked on Instagram, Facebook, and even Venmo lol. The only way he could contact me was through email but I think he gets the hint. I just know now even better that he wasn’t reaching out because of love it was because he tried to get back with his ex, and it didnt work out. He realized what we had was good and he was an idiot but thats a horrible reason to get back together. Also definitely has some kind of commitment issues!
As an update – I have a guy friend of mine that I’ve known since college who I would randomly keep in touch with via social media but never really thought much of it bc he lives in a different state. He came in town a few weeks ago and we hit it off pretty well. He’s not the hottest guy I’ve been interested in, but our personalities clicked SO well. I have kind of an offbeat humor and he’s super quick/witty and gets it which really is attractive to me. So when he left he asked if I’d come visit him in his city. We’ve been talking every day since his visit, and because I also have never visited his city/liked him – I thought it would be fun to go for the weekend! I leave tomorrow afternoon and come back Sunday. I don’t think it’s going to be anything super romantic – I think we will be going out and doing dinners with his friends and stuff, but I’m excited and just kind of going with the flow.