My ex cheated on me and then got married. Now his wife wants to talk to me

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 61
2298 posts
Buzzing bee

KittyYogi :  perhaps our responses are biased because we’re only being given OP’s perspective. also, I love “ho’s before bro’s” lol

Post # 62
2678 posts
Sugar bee

KittyYogi :  I agree with you and I would 100% talk to her on my terms.  I wouldn’t just send screen shots over, I would want to have a conversation with just her and he cannot be present.

He is trying to somehow spin things in his favor and I would make damn sure she knows what a scumbag he is.  

And yes, he was most likely already married prior and there are probably many women he has met “online.”

Post # 63
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

You do not owe his wife or him one single thought, much less your time.  I would not engage with either of them in any way, shape or form.  

Their marriage’s wellbeing isn’t on you at all.


Post # 64
6445 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Well, I am sure she will believe there’s nothing going on between you two if you continue to text him and send him the things he’s requesting… NO! That’s ridiculous. Block his number and never speak with him again. His drama is NOT your problem; don’t insert yourself into this situation.

Post # 65
1239 posts
Bumble bee

It’s called two way communication.   He would also have a copy of the email’s/text’s so why can’t he show her his copy of it?  Why involve you at all?

Post # 66
5 posts

If you still have those emails/texts, delete them now. Tell him to sort his own crap out, because he is the one that caused the issues. Then tell him to get stuffed and never contact you again. Then block him – you don’t owe him a thing.

Post # 67
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I agree with KittyYogi – I’d tell the wife the truth (without the ex there) so that she can be informed about what her husband is like and make an informed decision. I wouldn’t do it to help the ex.

Post # 68
2510 posts
Sugar bee

KittyYogi :  Agreed. 

I think she deserves to know the details (and not have things twisted to make it sound like you were the aggressor or “crazy” or anything else he might tell her). I would talk to her, but alone. I’d be willing to send emails/texts etc directly to HER to use in her divorce proceedings, so long as they don’t have sensitive info about you in them.

Post # 69
12125 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

KittyYogi :  “I’m shocked at how many posters here would just block the guy and leave his wife hanging in wind.”

That’s because again, this is a proven liar reaching out for his own self serving purposes. Who knows what his true motives are?  If it had been the wife contacting OP directly herself, maybe it would be a different story, depending on her approach. 

Post # 70
4498 posts
Honey bee

weddingmaven :  In addition to this reasoning, I’ve also just never really found any situation is really helped by someone (other than a licensed professional specifically sought out by the couple) inserting themselves in someone else’s relationship.  That’s just asking for a WHOLE world of messy complicated shit you have no business being in the middle of.

The wife either trusts her husband or she doesn’t and if she doesn’t then the relationship is dead anyway.  There is nothing a third party can do or say that changes that.  It can only bring unnecessary hassle and heartache to the OP, who owes no one anything.  Sometimes you make your own closure and you just don’t get to have incontrovertible proof nor are you owed that proof. 

Post # 71
442 posts
Helper bee

I wouldn’t send him anything. He likely deleted everything on his end to try to conceal the emotional affair from his wife, and that’s why he asked you to send it. He now wants it to try to twist the narrative in his own favor. He made his bed, let him lay in it. Block.

On another note, for years you have come with the same issues – online “relationships” that end swiftly with you in misery. Please try to meet someone IN PERSON, as other Bees have said, it’s much harder to conceal who you are in person than over the internet. In the long run, it will bring you more happiness and save you more heartbreak. There are dating apps out there, meetup groups, etc. where you can meet someone with similar interests. There is someone who will love you for you, face to face – you don’t have to keep hiding behind a screen.

Post # 72
1999 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Nope. Id block him and tell him to sort out his own problems, why does he need you to screenshot emails and texts for him, he should have saved them himself on his own devices. Or better yet why doesnt he have anything to show and expects you to have saved it all. 

Yes you were techincally the other women, but you clearly didnt know and once you did know you bounced. Your not in the wrong here in my opinion. And correct me if im worng, but this also sounds like it was long distance, and you only met up a few times, his wife and him truly cant put all the blame for their problems on you, if you only ever physically saw him a handful of times. 

Post # 73
688 posts
Busy bee

Just ask for her contact info, then block his slimy ass. 


Post # 74
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

WOOF. Don’t touch this with a 10 foot pole.

Post # 75
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Just offering another perspective, but is it possible that the wife already knows that this guy is a scumbag and just wants the screenshots of the messages because she is planning to divorce him and wants proof of his cheating for legal purposes?

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