(Closed) My ex confessed he still loves me

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
4324 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@Applejema:  Welllllllll…. I would take a look at the script of your vows and review them very carefully. Did you mean them when you said them? If so, you know you’re going to have to use your impulse / self control. It’s not a good situation to have your husband so far away, but having someone 3 hours away isn’t a good enough reason to give up on your marriage. Mitch made his bed by “dumping” you. Now he has to lie in it.

Post # 5
Member
1975 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

i noticed in that you never said you love your husband. Why did you marry him if ‘I still love Mitch with all my heart”??

Post # 7
Member
1975 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Applejema:  sorry but thats not a reason to marry someone, or to remain married to someone. I think you know the answer you just have to listen to your heart.

You may loose Jack as a friend but is that better then loosing your soulmate??

Just do things right, dont cheat that is worse! Talk to your husband first

Post # 8
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Pokemon:  I agree!

I think at this point it has become very clear to you that you shouldn’t have married your husband. Why did everything progress so quickly? You need to fess up to your husband and make the choice to leave him or to never see the other guy again.

 

Post # 10
Member
1975 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

im not sure what you want from this post then? i only really see three options

  • you decide you want to be with your ex: both you and ‘Mitch’ be honest with ‘Jack’
  • you decide you want to be with your husband: you be honest with ‘Jack’ and isolate yourself from ‘Mitch’ (im sure Jack would be in agreeance regardless of friendship to him. as his frendship can continue without you going to dinner parties ect)
  • you decide to live an unhappy life of what if’s: Dont tell ‘Jack’, may or may not cheat with ‘Mitch’

Post # 11
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Applejema:  Imo, you have one option: be honest with your husband! It’s his choice what to do about his friend, but I truly think if you continue to see mitch, even just in social groups, you are done for.

Personally, I think you made a huge mistake and you posted this to gonfirm what you already know– you don’t love your husband, you shouldn’t have married him, and based on how you feel now, it won’t last the next year, let alone a lifetime.

Make it easy and get out now while you are still able to get out without any huge financial implications, or kids.

Post # 12
Member
3820 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You are the only one who can make this decision. As PPs have said don’t cheat on your Husband….think about what you want first…

Can I ask does mitch really want you or does he really only want you because he can’t have you??? He may only really want you because you moved on pretty quick with his best mate….it could be an ego thing.

Why did he break up with you in the first place??? Lots of people in relationships get deployed and stay in a relationship.

Another question you need to think about  is….did you and mitch really get along well….what was your relationship really like??? Ask people who know you well what they thought of him and you together. they will usually mirror the more accurate picture of your relationship with someone. Sometimes we tend to romance the past and blur over those important issues in a relationship…it can create a sense of escapism from reality.

Think about what you want…..in life what seems easy and exciting is  not often  the best  thing for you…..good things take work and lots of effort before you even get a hint of a reward.

 

whatever you choose… your husband deserves to be loved by someone whole heartedly….if you can’t do that then I think it is better to let him go….if you decide to stay….you need to commit to him and your future together….

 

Post # 13
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Applejema:  You shouldn’t have married him. My Fiance was in the military and I noticed that there is a pattern with a lot of military couples getting married very quickly right before getting deployed.

I kind of have a feeling I know why you guys got married and I am guessing it’s the same reason why some not all military couples get married very quick especially right before they get deployed. But whatever I’m not going to get into that.

You need to be honest with your husband. Either get out or stay and forget about the other guy.

Ugh! I want to say so much more! Especially because I see another pattern with your situation and some other (not all) military wives. But I don’t want to be mean.

Post # 14
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I feel sorry for your husband. You are his wife, and this is his best friend..the two people he’s supposed to be able to trust most in the world. That’s not advice because I have none, more just how I feel. 

Post # 16
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I think it was pretty assy of Mitch to confess his love to you after you married his supposed best friend. Itreally sounds like he broke up with you and then when he realized you had moved on he regretted his decision too late. 

Maybe you didn’t get married for the right reasons or maybe you do love Jack but the distance and fighting in your relationship at the moment is making you forget that. Since he is far away and deploying so soon, I feel like you at least need to wait until you are in the same place for some time before giving up on your marriage. I also feel like you are not doing him a favor by hiding Mitch’s behavior as he is clearly not being a good friend but maybe this is not the conversation to have before deployment. I have never been in a military situation but I assume the added stress of knowing your best friend confessed his love to your wife is not healthy before entering a war environment. 

I would also agree with a PP who suggested you may be only remembering the good parts of your relationhip with Mitch. 

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