Post # 1
Member
984 posts
Busy bee
A little bit of background is necessary first. My ex and I were together for 5.5 years from 15-20. It wasn’t a good relationship at all, we fought, cheated, lied (most of this took place in high school), it was horrible. The final straw came when I found out he was cheating on me with a 15 yr old for 5 months. We broke up four years ago. I had very little contact with him after we broke up but I was still e-mailing/calling him when Fiance and I first got together because he owed me money since I paid off a credit card with both our names on it.
Anyway, I haven’t heard from him since December 2007. Good, fine, I was ready to grow up and change my life, I went to therapy I realized some of my own issues and started to change my life, met my Fiance, and haven’t looked back since. Well last night, Fiance says to me “I have something to show you and you aren’t going to like it.” I couldn’t possibly imagine what it could be, maybe he screwed up an invite or something. He pulls up his e-mail and shows me a message that says “i hope she doesn’t cheat on you like she did me for 4 shity year.” My ex found our wedding website and used it to e-mail Fiance because we havee the option of e-mailing Fiance or myself on the website. Fiance knows about my past, I wanted him to know everything, so he knows about how my relationship was with my ex. Obviously I was upset by this, angered and hurt and I wanted to yell at my ex for doing this. Fiance tried to convince me to just let it go, but it bothers me so much. It doesn’t bother Fiance at all, he said it just showed how pathetic and stupid my ex is. Why is he all the sudden contacting me after so long? Why can’t he just let me be happy with the life I created? I’m just so upset that someone could be so petty and vindictive.
Post # 3
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
- Wedding: September 2010 - Casa Real at Ruby Hill Winery
Ugh that is so annoying. I’m sorry that happened. I think your ex is obvioulsy jealous that you’ve moved on and he wants to ruin your happiness. He’s immature and vindictive. I know it’s easier said than done, but don’t let it get to you. Also, I wouldn’t acknowledge your ex. I think it’s much more effective to ignore people like that than get involved in drama with them, which is what they want.
Post # 4
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
Wow good thing you got him out of your life, and if your Fiance isn’t bothered then even better. The idiot just wanted to cause problems because he is prbably bitter and you have moved on with your life. Guys are like that they want you to be crying over them for an eternity. My so-called ex is getting married and he contacted me weird and random. Another ex always seems to im me with retarded comments…why…because I am in a happy stable relationship, and they want to bother. So just brush it off and be happy with your Fiance. If you can, make your wedding website private or somthing.
Post # 5
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
- Wedding: September 2010 - Casa Real at Ruby Hill Winery
Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that I think you should make your website private as well.
Post # 6
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
What a jerk! Seriously! But you know, you’re Fiance is right, you should let it go. Like you said, you went to therapy, overcame your own issues and moved on to a better and happier life. It seems that your ex hasn’t done that and is still dealing with his own issues and wants to project them. Don’t let him drag you down – which is exactly what he’s trying to do. You’re better than that, and you and your Fiance deserve more. An argument with him will just open the door for further contact, and I’m sure that’s the last thing you and your Fiance want. Seriously, I know it’s hard (I still feel the need to contact my ex every now and then just to make sure he understands that I still hate him, as sad as that is) but I would just ignore him.
Post # 7
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
wow he’s a total douche(sorry watching a lot of Jersey Shore)! He obviously is still immature, and why does he even care?? Seems like he may still have some feelings. At least you have a Fiance that is understanding and mature. Your ex needs to get over it!
Post # 8
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
Bean’s right. I’ve had some nutty encounters with an ex before, and the BEST thing to do is ignore them. I once engaged, and holy smokes, he wouldn’t leave me alone because he took my anger to be a sign that I was still into him, ahahaha. So, yeah. Just let it be.
Post # 9
Member
5495 posts
Bee Keeper
Your ex is an idiot, that’s why! At least you have a Fiance who wasn’t bothered by it, and he’s not letting it get in the way. As hard as it is, I urge you to let it go. Contacting him and yelling at him might be part of what he wants. He’s immature, and that’s his problem. I think it’s time to put a PW on your site!
Post # 10
Member
984 posts
Busy bee
Thanks all! I thought posting on here would prevent me from contacting him and it did. He would just love a reaction, when we dated he loved to push my buttons like that. I’m just going to concentrate on our wedding and all the good things in store for us and let it go. I may brood on it for a day or two but that’s just how I am. I’m going to also see if Fiance can make the website private (he created it himself) that way we won’t have to deal with anythingl ike this in the future.
Post # 11
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
You know what I do when I really want to yell at someone but know that it won’t get a desired result? I write it all down in a letter to them and then never send it. It helps me get it all out but keeps me from actually having to contact them at all. You should try it! Say everything you want to say to him and then burn that dang letter! 😀
Post # 12
Member
1675 posts
Bumble bee
This is pretty awful 🙁 It sounds like your fiance is being really supportive though, and that is a great sign. I know it’s hard, but you should do as your fiance says and just try to forget about it… oh, and password protect your wedding website.
Post # 13
Member
1816 posts
Buzzing bee
I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. Your ex is obviously jealous that you are happy and he probably is not. I agree with the above posters that you and your Fiance should not even acknowledge the email. Perhaps your Fiance can block his email account. This guy just wants to ruffle your and your FI’s feathers. He wants you to be unhappy because he is unhappy (and obviously too selfish to deal with it himself). Don’t give him that satisfaction. I think Layla’s idea about writing your feelings in a letter and destroying it sound like a good release for the anger you are feeling.
By The Way, it is awesome that your Fiance is so supporting during this situation. Sounds like you two are destined for greatness together!
Post # 14
Member
5988 posts
Bee Keeper
total douche ex and hes obviously not in a happy place with himself or his life to feel its necessary to inflict drama on you so let the guy stew in his own unhappiness. you being happy will be your own best revenge to this incident
Post # 15
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
I agree with eloping. He’s not happy. He wants still drag you down with him. He also could be jealous that you’ve moved on with your life and away from him. I think he would have contacted you but knew he’d get under your skin for contacting your Fiance. Ignoring him is your best bet. Points to your Fiance for being the better man!
Post # 16
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
Ugh that sucks a lot. I’m glad it sounds like your Fiance is pretty level headed and cool with it all. I hope he can make the website private to keep your ex out of it!