(Closed) My ex-fiance contacted me after 8 months…ADVICE PLEASE!!

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would say be cautious and but if you guys still love each other and clearly you want to meet with him go for it. My Fi and I didn’t have all the history you guys did, but met and hung for a couples months before some stuff went down. We didn’t talk for a year before he randomly called me, I was in a good place but still had feelings and was glad I took the chance!

Unless there is something major he did to you, I would go for it!

Post # 4
Member
4429 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@mrsgutztobe:  i say follow your heart ; ) to hell with what people think.

but i dont know why you guys broke up?

Post # 5
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I would be cautious…

when i was 20 i dated a guy for a year….he broke it off with me, i was pretty devastated….a few months later I called him, out of the blue and we chatted, we got together a few times (hook ups) and then I realized just how over him I was….

Fast forward to me being 32….he’s a good friend and my personal trainer….we have had “that talk” as well, saying how we will always be in each other’s hearts but we’re not meant to be together that way….I will always love him, but will never be IN LOVE with him….

anyways, that’s my little story…sometimes ending one aspect of a relationship opens the door for another

Post # 6
Member
1762 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I agree with both of the comments just be cautious an take it easy let things happen…and see what you really want.

Post # 7
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

good luck be cautious. If I were you I wouldn’t do it because it’s playing with fire and you already have 8 months of “grieving” under your belt.  I just personally believe exes are exes for a reason. 8 months of separation isn’t going to fix the things that weren’t right in the first place.

Post # 8
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think it depends on why you broke up. If it was something like, you weren’t communicating well, started fighting a lot, everything spiraled out of control, etc. that is something that could be fixed. But if it was like, he was an alcoholic and cheated on you….then just no. Save yourself!

Post # 9
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Like PPs have said, be cautious!

 

I got together with my ex-hubs a few months after separating because it was the holiday season, we missed celebrating together and I was invited to his sister’s for a meal. Long story stort – it ended up that we got back together which ultimately  resulted in 4 more years of absolute misery!

Post # 10
Member
1358 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m sorry, but I’m going to be brutally honest because I would want someone to be honest with me. I don’t know why you broke up, but I’m guessing that the issues haven’t just evaporated into thin air. The same issues that were there then would probably be waiting for you if you started a relationship with him again. I’m guessing the fact that you are talking to each other again is a combination of his fear about his impending surgery, and he was seeking comfort, and maybe a big dose of nostalgia on the side.

I also don’t know that trying to have a friendly relationship would be a good idea. The desire to hook up would probably be there, and your confused feelings about him would probably sabotage you from being able to move on or invest yourself in the possibility of seriously dating another man.

Post # 11
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

mrsgutztobe  Thanks for opening up to us and sharing your story…like the other bees said, be cautious and be careful….I am hoping that he is not using this time to emotionally blackmail you back into a relationship with him….and put yourself and your feelings first….love yourself more than anyone else….then and only then can you know if he’s meant to be the one for you….many times we women put our men, and our love for them before ourselves, and this leads to so much heartache and pain, when you love yourself above all then you realize if the person you’re with is meant to be with you or not….

Again tread carefully and please keep us posted….

Post # 12
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@moonadea:  +1. It’s impossible to give advice without knowing why you broke up and who initiated it.

Post # 13
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

i’d say, exes are exes for a reason. but it’s more for you to decide.

Post # 15
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If he is outright rude to your family and others, he needs to reign it in out of respect for you, if for no one else. To unneccesarily put you in a bad position with your family is not fair or loving to you. My Darling Husband is a bit socially difficult sometimes, but he listens to me when I take issue with something he said or did or didn’t do that may have offended a family or friend. He tries to make things better. 

BUT, sorry if this seems like an odd, small thing to pick on, but this stuck out to me: You say your sister’s Boyfriend or Best Friend was “allowed” to sit next to her? Does this mean your parents direct exactly where each person sits? That seems overly controlling. I get it if dad or mom always sit at a certain chair because it’s their home and old habits die hard, but otherwise? I’d be annoyed too if after 5 years of being in a relationship with someone I was directed to sit at a certain seat and not allowed to sit next to my partner, especially if it’s all part of a larger picture. Also, my extended family always welcomes SOs so I guess I don’t relate to that either. How is his family with these things? 

 

Post # 16
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your Fiance sounds like his feelings were hurt on numerous occasions and you didnt step up and defend him. The issue of him being rude maybe because he spoke up for himself because you failed to do so. Now the issue of him being rude speak to him and ask him to please be very aware of how he talks to your family because they will be offended. You should show him that he is just as important as your sister’s Boyfriend or Best Friend if she sits beside him then you should insist he sit beside you. You are allowing your family to disrespect him and he is feeling that you have chosen a side and it is not him. He can filter is response with practice it will take some time. I believe he will change when he sees that you have in regards to your family and how they treat him.

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