(Closed) My ex got engaged broke it off and wants me back badly, what to do. NEED advise

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

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Aquaria:  I don’t consider OP to be a rebound since he broke off his engagement to try to be with OP again.

 

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uncltredpearl:  agreed

Post # 17
Member
7559 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

So you broke up because of emotional stability and financial issues. a month and a half later he was engaged, three weeks after that, he broke up with her, a week later he was emailing you, a week after that he was sending you stuff… All after you were together for less than a year… I hate to say it but 3 or 4 months (by my count of what’s happened since y’all broke up) isn’t enough time to work through any real emotional stability or financial issues, and if he is from a culture where arranged marriages are still acceptable and he’s just dumped the woman his parents picked for him, there is about to be a shitload of drama in his life. No thanks. There’s only like 3.5 billion men on the planet. Surely there’s a better one out there.

Post # 18
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Im agreeing with the other bees…This whole situation gives me bad feelings. Id cut your losses and find some one who isnt weak/emotionally unstable/ a romantic ping pong ball. 

And from what Im reading the fault wasnt entirely his own. Why did you feel the need to compare him to your ex? wether it was directly or indirectly. It leads me to believe there are some unresolved isses there. Before getting into another relationship you should look inward and see if you are really ready for a relationship as well.

Post # 19
Member
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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Rokketb:  ” . . . having everything off his shoulders with the finical crisis and etc he is more clear headed for a realtonship”

And what happens the next time something stressful happens?  Are you ready to put your heart out there again and have the same thing happen in a year or two or ten?  Even if it never happens, will you be able to move past the fear of it happening again?

Post # 20
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If he can’t handle the bad in a relationship, he’s not worth it for the good. I wouldn’t get back with him. 

Post # 21
Member
1502 posts
Bumble bee

So what happens the next time things in his life falls apart/doesn’t work out?  If you guys are married with kids by then, is he going to disappear and tell you he can’t be married anymore and can’t handle being a father???

You should never judge someone’s character during the good times, but rather who they are when things are tough and sh*t hits the fan.  It’s those difficult and painful times when you will clearly see someone’s true inner self and whether they have what it takes to go the distance.  When things are going well and you feel financially secure, etc. it isn’t that hard to be super charming, more generous, and have a “good” attitude about life. But if you are serious about marriage and upholding your vows, then the ONLY way this is going to happen is if both partners have the maturity and inner strength to weather the rough times and never lose faith.

Unfortunately, your ex shows that he is someone who will come at you hard and pursue you like crazy, but once things get tough and hard he jumps from one relationship to another, and won’t think twice about how he actions might affect the other person.

I don’t know anything about your ex except what I read.  And so far, there are lots of red flags  (i.e.  he is selfish and puts his feelings above others, he loves the chase and the beginning fun parts of relationships but has not shown he has the ability to really commit and stick it out, he is emotionally unstable).  If I were you, I would proceed with extreme caution and if anything, let this relationship go and spend your time dating better emotionally stable/mature and commitment focused men. 

Post # 22
Member
7890 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Without reading the whole explanation, being wishy washy about something as significant as an engagement and marriage this far in the game is a red flag in itself. 

Post # 23
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I would say no way to any marriage proposals for now. If you want to give him a chance that’s ok, but take it slow, you have nothing to lose and only a healthy relationship to hai by doing so. At this point the relationship would not be stable if you two dove right in. You have to build a foundation and this isn’t one I would want to stand on so take a step back and rebuild for a brighter future. You can rebuild together, just restart. I think everyone deserves a second chance (well almost everyone of course not EVERYONE) so if you want start over just take it slow and this time make sure you let him know you aren’t letting him get away with seven a hint of the bs he pulled the last go. If you do let it slide though, even once, he will walk all over you. Just so you know.

I was given a second chance, and believe it or not… I changed. I almost ruined my marriage. But my husband gave me a chance and I was able to save it. I didn’t cheat but I had some problems that caused depression that almost ruined my marriage. But he gave me a second chance. I changed and now we have a much better marriage because of it

Post # 24
Member
2689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Keep it moving sista —–>

Post # 25
Member
13653 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Sounds like both of you are inclined to want things you can no longer have. When you were with him, you didn’t think he compared so well with the ex. Once things broke off, you are both nostalgic and remorseful. I would give some serious thought about what went wrong the first time and why there is any reason to think those things don’t still apply today.

What inherent character traits might  he possess that led  to  financial instability, the tendency to go to dark negative places, and to make mutiple life altering  decisions in a short amount of time, only to change his mind shortly thereafter?     

Think about it. 

Post # 26
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

WOW ……. there is only one word from me: RUN! RUN girl ! RUN RUN RUN !!!!!!!!!!

Post # 27
Member
1378 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

In a situation like yours if I used logic to decide what I should do, I wouldn’t give him another chance.   Since I know how I am I try to tell others to leave logic out of the decision and solely follow your heart.  I wish you the best.  

Post # 28
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

sounds like he has outside pressure to get married  quick since only a month after your split he was in an arranged situation. are you sure he really does love you or does he just have to pick a wife quick and your the better of the options? 

Post # 29
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper

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Rokketb:  You’ve gotten some great responses from many bees here.  But I wanted to say, there’s a reaosn it didn’t work out the first time.  And yes I know you said you had been comparing him to your ex, but your former boyfriend had some major issues as well.  Don’t ignore them because you’re being doted on now.

Post # 30
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013 - Garden

This is drama you don’t need in your laugh. Be firm but fair and cut all ties with him. It sounds like he needs to spend some time alone and learn to be comfortable with himself. Maybe that isn’t an option for him within his family, doesn’t mean you need to force yourself to go through that with him.

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