(Closed) My ex husband has asked me to remarry him……

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It depends on the reasons why you got divorced. Given that he divorced you and immediately got married again, it’s a safe assumption that he was cheating on you, either emotionally, physically or both. The other issue is what drove him away to begin with. If you can resolve those issues in therapy, then go for it!

Post # 17
Member
4522 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Did he leave you for his second wife? If so, I don’t think I’d remarry him – I can see him doing the same thing next time a woman catches his interest (or just cheating on you because he thinks you’ll take him back again, since you would’ve done so once already).

If there were issues between you and he that led to the divorce, then maybe remarriage would work – but I would give it time and make sure to seriously address the issues that broke up the marriage the first time.

Post # 18
Member
283 posts
Helper bee

My aunt is almost 60, and is remarrying her high school sweetheart, who she dated for 4 years and nearly married. When they broke up, she dated my uncle for a year, and married him. Their marriage lasted over 20 years, and he initiated the divorce. She by chance re-met this old boyfriend, whose wife also divorced him, and they’re getting married.

Things happen, sometimes for a reason. I hope that you do continue to receive counseling, and that you guard against another heartbreak, but at the same time I wish you only happiness and success in this reattempt at forging a healthy connection between one another.

Post # 19
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Blue Horse Farm

My grandparents were married for around 15-20 years and then divorced for seven years and then remarried until my Grandmother’s death in 2008.

The reason for the divorce was my grandfather was an alcoholic and abusive and my grandmother could not take it anymore.  It took her divorcing him, being engaged to another man, and my mother getting pregnant with me to turn him around.  He sobered up and once he proved himself they were remarried.

In their case it worked out, but for a much different reason.  I think if he had left her for another woman out of the blue she probably would not have gone back to him.  I personally would have a really hard time trusting my Fiance if he did that to me.  If you work on trust issues and think you can move past it and get to the bottom of why it happened in the first place, then maybe it could work out. 

In the end though only you really know if it is the right move or not.

Post # 20
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I can’t imagine a world in which I would remarry my ex, because he left me another woman and she is happily keeping him even though he’s repeated things on her BUT I have a dear friend who, while not divorcing, did fully separate from her Darling Husband a few times along the way but they both fought to get back to each other, so I never say never, just not for me 🙂

Post # 21
Member
3339 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

Honestly, it sounds like he just wanted to sleep with someone else and is now missing what he had with you.  You can do better than your ex.

Post # 22
Member
460 posts
Helper bee

Have some pride!  He dumped you, hurt you and now because he has decided he wants you back you are considering it!  There are so many many other people in this world why would you even think about going backwards?  I would never ever ever re marry my ex after what he put me and our kids through!

Post # 23
Member
1047 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I wish you the best of luck, but wow, sounds like everything’s happening pretty fast. In the space of 6 months, you two divorced, he married someone else, left her, and now has proposed to you again. I wouldn’t rush into anything here.  It is possible to get the trust back, but there are no shortcuts. It’s going to take time, and I would be waiting quite a while before accepting his proposal. 

Post # 24
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Sounds like he wanted to fuck around.. Hence jumping into another relationship/ marriage so soon. I don’t think I would be able to trust someone of this character with my heart, no matter how big the diamond.

I do hope it works out for you, but I’m of firm belief that exes are exes for a reason. Especially exes that you marry and they leave you.

Post # 25
Member
964 posts
Busy bee

I would be too suspicious that he just wanted his former lifestyle back. Especially if he is paying a lot monthly and not living the way he used to because of it. I’m cynical like that.

I don’t understand the point of bringing up all the ring info though. If you truly believe that *diamonds are nice but love is worth much more*, then why bring up the diamonds at all? Sounds like the diamonds are a factor for you. I dunno. Maybe he knows you’ll be partially blinded by them and that’s part of why they’re being *offered*.

Post # 26
Member
2480 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’d be very, very cautious. It sounds as if your husband did the classic “relive my lost youth” thing having got bored after 26 years of marriage and convinced himself that the grass was greener elsewhere. But having dumped you for a newer model, things didn’t work out quite as he’d planned so now he’s run home again back to the safety and comfort of married life with you. 

It might work out just fine but only if he takes responsibility for his former action and has taken time to ask himself some difficult questions about what he really does want in life and can promise, sincerely, that he won’t try this trick again. Because you deserve to be treated rather better than a safe haven for him to run back to when his Awfully Big Extra-marital Adventure goes wrong. 

At the very least I would want to wait for some time before planning any remarriage and certainly, carry on with your counselling.

Do I know anyone who has successfully remarried their former spouse? Not really, no. Especially when infidelity was at the root of their divorce. I do know couples that have on-off relationships and I’m sorry to say that the default setting usually concludes in “off”. There are reasons why exes are exes.

Post # 27
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Jobelle:  your exhusband’s behavior seems incredibly impulsive and unstable for a man of his age. Has he always been this way? If not, is there a possibility that he has substance abuse issues, or an undiagnosed medical issue that is causing his erratic behavior?

Post # 28
Member
7851 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

How were the 26 years that you were together?  Past behaviour is the best indicator of future behavior.  I would proceed with extreme caution.

Post # 29
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I wish you the best and that some counseling will lead you to the right answer. Also, I think that given everything that’s happened, you need to wait at least a full two years before getting engaged/remarried.

Rushing into things isn’t what you want, and clearly didn’t work out so well for him last time. While it’s hard because you are older and have history, i think the only way you can be sure this time around is waiting a few years to make sure things are where they need to be.

Post # 30
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

A lot of what you posted would be enough for me to not get back together with him if I were you. My parents had two kids and were married and divorced three times to each other from before I was born until they divorced the last time when I was in 6th grade. My dad wasn’t the faithful type. But they are still best friends and my dad has another girlfriend of 6ish years. I’d be careful if I were you. Not a great sign his marriage lasted 2 weeks…

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