Post # 1
well the title says it all.
OK we get on really well, and when i split up from her uncle she has never spoken to him since, and is more my neice than his in that way, but we planned a small wedding, none of my own neices and nephews are invited because we want to keep it small, but she emailed me to say how she cant wait for the wedding.
i dont know how to word it to email her that we are not inviting her, and plus, i’m not sure its really good form to invite family members of my past marriage, even though FI get on well with her, i wonder how he would feel?
Post # 3
I think if you see her more than anyone else that you are related to it wouldn’t be a big deal…she sounds so happy for you!
Post # 4
I would just tell her that you’re really touched that she wants to join you for the wedding, but it’s a very small, intimate ceremony. If she pushes it, gently tell her that no nieces or nephews are being invited. Be sure to make plans to do something with her soon.
I think it’s 100% normal to invite your ex’s family to events, including weddings, as long as you’re on good terms. After my aunt divorced my uncle, his family (parents & siblings) continued to come to our family gatherings – even on family trips! It’s only strange if there’s tension or bad blood.
Post # 5
I agree with MidwestBride. It’s only weird if there’s bad blood.
A couple of years ago, I went to a wedding and ended up sitting at a table with the groom’s ex-wife’s sister and her husband. I thought it was a little weird when I found out the relationship, but they were really cool, and they told us the whole story about how her sister was psychotic, and she fully supported the groom leaving her crazy and drug-addled sister. About a year later, both my friend and the ex-wife’s sister ended up getting pregnant at the same time, and I got to see all the photos posted all over Facebook of the two of them showing off their baby bumps and getting ready! They’re great friends now. It’s only weird if the ex-family and new family don’t get along.
That being said, do find a way to tell her gently that she’s not invited if you just don’t want her there because of how intimate the wedding is. It’s rude to invite yourself to a wedding regardless of your relationship with the couple.
Post # 6
i actually would love to invite her, but if i do , i am afraid that will open the floodgates. my own flesh and blood nephews and neices arnt invited and i think there would be tension if i invite her and not them, and if i invite them all……my intimate 25 people wedding would become 50+ and we cant afford it, and dont want that either. , but i do so want her to come, i just dont know how to handle it. my kids adore her, and she has always stuck up for me against HIS family if anything was ever siad about me. it just doenst feel right to exclude her.
but i do also agree with you, it IS rude to assume that she is coming without even it being mentioned to her.
Post # 7
If you are that close to the couple, I don’t think it’s rude to assume you are invited to the wedding. I already looked for flights to a close friend’s wedding before the Save-The-Date Cards even went out. If you discuss a wedding and date, details, etc. with someone, they can only assume you are inviting them. In this case, Ic an see how it would be weird to invite her when your own family is not coming but if she is more of a friend, categorize her as that and invite her like other friends.
Post # 8
I’d explain to her that you love her and consider her your niece, but that’s why you cant invite her. You’re not inviting any of your other nieces or nephews. To invite her would cause animosity.