- 2 years ago
Ok, I do realize that this isn’t really a relationship question but I’d love to hear advice.
I’m kinda heartbroken and I don’t really understand myself. A couple of months ago, I met this guy off Tinder and even though I wasn’t really into him at first, he quickly grew on me and we started seeing each other, spending lots of time together. I even became friends with his friends and a part of his group, I’ve even met his parents. Back then (around May), I realized at some point that I was developing feelings for him. My best friend is a girl, she doesn’t live in the same city as I do, but we talk every day and I tell her everything. She knows everything about him, about my feelings for him and how hurt I was in June when he told me he wants to keep things exactly as they are, but no committed relationship. After he told me that, I told him we wouldn’t be hooking up anymore, but that I still want him in my life, as a friend. I have since tried my best to just see him as a friend, even though in the beginning, it wasn’t easy at all. I remember telling my best friend til like end of July that I think I still have feelings for him etc.
Then, since like August, I’ve been feelings better about everything. I felt I was getting over him, and ready to start seeing other people (I went on dates but I wasn’t really interested in anyone). That guy and I are still talking every day and hang out all the time, but I felt ok about it. We’ve always been getting along so well that I didn’t want to lose him. I even told him that I wouldn’t mind if he slept with someone else, unless it’s one of my friends, and he said of course, he understands. I’ve also slept with someone else since, but I just didn’t develop any feelings for that guy.
Anyways, maybe you can already guess where this is going. This past weekend my best friend came to visit me for two days and I hadn’t seen her in months. We went out within the group that first night and long story short, she got super drunk and started disappearing with the guy I’ve had feelings for, even though she knows the entire story. At one point I took her by side and asked her what was going on, and she immediately said no no, I shouldn’t worry, she’s definitely not gonna hook up with him and she woukd never do that to me. I told her ok, because it would really hurt me. After that, they still kept disappearing together and she ended up going home wirth him, having sex and even staying over.
I feel heartbroken in so many ways. I swear I haven’t felt this terrible in over a year. On the one side, because of her- She’s my best friend and knew everything about my story with him and I even told her not to do it- And she didn’t care. Also, she was here for me and only for two days after not seeing each other for months, and instead of spending time with me she kept disappearing with him and didn’t even sleep at my place the first night. And also, what if one day I present her someone I’m really in love with and she tries to get with him when she’s drunk? And him as well- He told me he would never hook up with one of my friends, and also I guess I underestimated my feelings for him and they’re probablty still there in some way.
Both apologized many times and while I do believe they’re sorry, it doesn’t help much. I just can’t changer the way I feel about it. Kinda heartbroken, sad. I can’t stop imagining them having sex. My best friend went back to her own city two days ago, and I told her I need time to process all this and that I don’t think I want to talk to her for a while. He has even tried harder for me to forgive him, has sent me messages, memes, called me, dropped a gift at my place etc. He has said he has never felt this bad about something in his life and that he loves me so much and doesn’t want to lose me. I even ran into his roommate yesterday and he told me he saw him crying that morning and that he really knows he fucked up. I mean of course, he doesn’t owe me anything, we’re not dating and if he slept with some random girl it might still have hurt, but he wouldn’t have done anything wrong really. I’ve told him already though that I forgive him but that I just need some time. And about my best friend.. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’ve lost my trust in her and have seen a side of her that I didn’t know existed.
Not sure how to feel about everything and what to do. I don’t wanna feel this way, but I can’t help it. It’s terrible. What would you do in my shoes? Thanks for any advice.