My ex-lover (now really good friend) and my best friend…

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 45
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee

For your own sanity and peace, you should cut both of them out of your life for good. These are not friends.

Post # 46
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

ksks9876:

annabananabee : your response is perfect. She is quick to forgive the guy, that she also told not to sleep with her friends, as if he had no control over sleeping with her best friend.  

sapphire88 :  was he drunk also? If she was completely wasted and he wasn’t, it sounds like he took advantage of the situation. 

What she did was crappy, but is also seems like you are setting this up to throw in her face that she is a terrible person by showing all the responses on here, I really hope I have that wrong.

BOTH of them are guilty of betraying you, maybe you should reevaluate your friendship with both of them, just not her.  

 

OP – ****THIS. SO MANY TIMES, THIS****

 

If you’re going to forgive him, you should be forgiving her too. What he did was just as fucked up so if he gets a pass, so does she.

 

Also, it’s not definite that you’ll see someone unless you make a concerted effort to do so. I live in a relatively small town and haven’t seen people in months/years because I know where not to go if I want to avoid them. 

Post # 47
Member
6231 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I would cut both of them off. Maybe revisit those relationships down the line if you feel open to it. Your “best” friend fucked up. Terribly. Especially since she listened to you share about all of your conflicted feelings with this guy and assured you that she wasn’t going to hook up with him and she did it anyway. Fuck that bitch. You don’t need friends like that- you would constantly have to watch your back.

Regarding this guy- it sounds like he was up front with you about not wanting a serious relationship and you were trying to maintain a friendship but you had also let him know that you would not be okay with him hooking up with one of your friends and he heard you, assured you he wouldn’t and then did it anyway- with your BEST friend. Fuck that asshole, too.

You are better off without them. They may grow and be better friends at some point in the future but I don’t think you need to wait around for it to happen.

Post # 49
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee

Woah I am sorry you got some shitty responses. 

The guy is crap, the friend is even worse. I understand you feel more betrayed by her, but he doesn’t sound like a catch. I’d ditch them both, the only reason why you might be considering forgiving him is because you probably still have lingering feelings. It won’t work out, just cut him off. When you’ll be over him completely and in a happy relationship with someone else, you might think of starting contact again if you miss spending time with him as a friend. 

Post # 50
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

I was in this same situation right out of college and it totally sucks.  I cold turkey cut them both out of my life and they ended up dating and then breaking up. It really hurt and I really ended up missing my best friend. I actually lost an entire college friend group to this because I really needed the space from those two and everyone was so entwined. A few years later, once we hit our mid 20s, I tentatively reached out to her and we began repairing our friendship. It took a few years. I had moved past it but she would once in a while lash out at me (after drinking of course) because she had lingering guilt. We’re early 30s now and time has healed our wounds and I have my best friend back – and my old college crew.

Actually, my roommate in my 20s did this, too. I forgot about that one since I actually ended up becoming really excellent friends with the guy in the situation after another year or so. He felt really awful about it all and has made an effort to be a good friend to me over the years.

It sucks. It really does. Feelings and navigating human passions can be hard all around. You got this. If they’re meant to be in your life in any capacity you will find your way back to them – but you absolutely must take time away from both in the now.

Post # 51
Member
6840 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Bee, you have shitty friends. 

 

I’m more upset about your actual (female) friend. A real friend would never hook up with someone you had feelings for. That is so crossing the line (The line is so far away its a dot!). Sorry bee.

Post # 52
Member
594 posts
Busy bee

You are so much better off without both of them. They seem like really shitty friends, and how your best friend could do this to you I can’t understand. But this is a thing she does then, sleep with other peoples boyfriends or love interests? Nah. Neither he not she is worth any more of your time. I’m so sorry this happened to you.

Post # 53
Member
529 posts
Busy bee

You would be better off without either of them.

A best friend just doesn’t DO this kind of shit drunk or not. They both seem really shitty & how your best friend could do this to you i just don’t understand…neither him or her is worth anymore of your time. I would personally cut them both out – you don’t need people like that in your life! 

 

Post # 55
Hostess
8740 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

sapphire88 :  Sounds like a solid plan bee, get a way, spend some time away from them both and decide whether they are really worth maintaining friendships with. 

Post # 56
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

She was not your best friend, possibly your worst.

Post # 57
Member
3060 posts
Sugar bee

sapphire88 :  Your best friend is a hoe and this guy is bad news.

You just met him and you are not together. Yes, it hurts that he got with someone close to you, but this guy really doesn’t have any loyalty to you. He sounds like an an idiot and i would cut him. What guy is so tore up about this but doesnt want to be with you? He is your F Buddy – which doesnt work when there are complicated feelings involved and there are CLEARLY feelings involved here – time to let go.

As for your BFF, people can argue that you werent with him, but it would be a whole lot different if she had pulled you aside before and let you know what was going on. Still not cool, but i dont think i could get over her looking me in the eyes and saying NO NO, im not when she clearly was. 

Forgive her if you can get past this, maybe your history is worth more than a drunk “mistake”, but thats up to you to decide. 

Post # 58
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

sapphire88 :  Damn… this girl is not your friend. AT ALL. She not only hooked up with someone she knew you had feelings and history with, and someone who mid party you told her you wouldn’t want her to hook up with. She not only still hooked up with him, but also then prioritized a hookup over spending time with you? OH hell no. You do not need a friend like her in your life. 

When I was in high school I was part of a group of 4 girl friends. One girl Julia would ALWAYS go after the guys i liked once I either said I liked them, or kissed them etc. it was so predictable. It was as if to her me liking a guy was as if I was giving him an excellent recommendation to her or something. She was super insecure, selfish and an all around jerk. Over the span of college years ALL of us girls cut off friendships with her because besides that, she dumped her best friend since elemntary school for no reason whatsoever and when this friend had a family member who was ill, and a broken foot. 

YEARS later we were no longer friends but the guy i was dating at the time went on a trip with her friend to visit a mutual friend of theirs, SUprise! she went on that trip too and the minute he told her we were dating she targeted him. I had to see facebook photos of them making out. 

SO trust me, dump this friend. I know people say, no guy is worth a friendship but in this case what she did was show you her true self. What she did was a betrayal of your trust, it was selfish, and gross, and if i were in your shoes i wouldn’t trust her again. If she did that she will do much worse. 

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