(Closed) My ex messaged one of my friends?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

He’s not your boyfriend. You don’t get to scold him. It wasn’t “so wrong” of him. It really only matters what your friend did with it – which was tell you. Who he dates is no concern of yours. Laugh this one off, he obviously got shut down. 

Post # 3
5059 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
papayagirl :  

You don’t know why he reached out to her, it could even be that he found her attractive and was trying to start something. It could also be that he did it knowing that it would get back to you, but after a month, I don’t find that likely.

I would just ignore it and not contact him.

Post # 4
1217 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
papayagirl :  Let it go.  Your friend already put him in his place.  If you contact him now you’re going to come across as one of those crazy exes.

Post # 5
220 posts
Helper bee

He’s your ex boyfriend. He can talk to whomever he wants to. 

Post # 6
191 posts
Blushing bee

DO NOT TEXT.  You are letting him win if you let him know he’s getting to you.  Be happy in the fact that you are no longer with someone like that!

Post # 7
7225 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

He’s your ex. He’s allowed to talk to whoever he wants for whatever reason he wants. Texting him that “you would find out about this” is dumb. He hasn’t committed a crime, and so what if he thinks your friend was hot and wanted to see if there was an opportunity? This is only between him and your friend, and while she made the decision to involve you in the conversation, this whole scenario doesn’t involve you at all.

Let it go.

Post # 8
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I agree with everyone else, you’ll come off as crazy if you try to follow up about this. Honestly it sounds like a perfectly respectful interaction: he expressed interest, she declined, he said he understood and backed off. I get why it bugs you that he’s reaching out to your friends, but you need to process your break up and move on. Contacting him will only make things worse.

Post # 9
7268 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I was about to write a whole thing about how you shouldn’t care about this, but then I realized you only broke up a month ago. So of course you care, everything is still fresh and raw. But just take it as yet another piece of evidence that shows y’all are not good for each other. A month after breaking up and this guy is hitting on your friend? Not cool – to me there’s an unspoken code about that sort of thing and your ex is violating it.

I’m at the point where I wouldn’t care if my friends dated any of my exes because all those relationships ended ages ago and I just have no feelings at all about them…but if an ex had hit on one of my friends a mere month after the breakup I would have probably felt very differently about it.

Post # 10
745 posts
Busy bee

Don’t text him. 

Post # 11
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I think that was a shitty thing for him to do. He knew that his contact so soon after your breakup would get back to you so he’s trying to hurt you or doesn’t care if he does. Either way, do you want to be in contact with someone like that? You’re getting off easy. Ignore him.

Post # 12
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Sorry bee. He’s not your boyfriend anymore. He can text/date whoever he wants to and you have zero say in it. Your friend didn’t keep the matter private and she didn’t entertain him so the only thing you have any right to worry about was handled. 

Post # 14
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2026

He has every right to date someone, even if it is your friend, or a sister, since you two have broken up. Sure it will be awkward, and out of respect for you, your friend or sister or whoever he is interested in that is close to you, should shut him down, but even if they didn’t, you should just let it go.

Edit: Saw your update. I dunno. If you guys were dating and had the same circle of friends, I think it’s pretty normal of him to develop feelings for someone within your circle. Anyway, an ex is an ex. You’ve broken up. Time to shimmy along. 

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