Post # 1
Okay so I need help. my ex let’s say “A” and I were dating for four years, we moved in together and it was going good. Suddenly about 3-4 months ago he broke up with me. Said it was because he was so stressed and confused in life. I begged for him back everyday after that until I finally kicked him out.
I started hanging out with this boy “B” that I have dated before for like 2 months when I was 15. Anyways, I like this guy and he treats me really good. But I love my ex and was confused. I was very upfront with B and he knew my ex was still somewhat in my life (we were trying to be friends after the breakup) but a few weeks ago my ex A, told me he cheated on me again with this girl from work (who liked him very much) before he broke up with me. Might I add he was hanging and having sex with her the whole time after we broke up too. And trying to make me feel bad for liking B. Lots of manipulation. At that point I was so angry and hurt I knew I deserved better and didn’t want to be with someone who can cheat on me twice. But now my ex showed up and proposed to me with a real ring that he had been saving for.
I don’t want to lose him. I do love him. I still view him as a good person. A part of me does think he can change and treat me how I should’ve been. But I’m scared to put myself in that risk again. To hurt B. Wonder if I’ll always think about B. But I also think of the good. Having kids with A, being apart of his family and friends again. A was my whole world. And now A and B both want me in their lives and want to make me happy. HELP
Post # 2
ultra1998 : Are you posting bc you’re actually confused about doing what’s best for you or are you hoping to gain responses to justify getting back together with your ex?
Choice A) emotionally manipulative cheater
Choice B) not the above
Which choice looks better to you?
Post # 3
I often wonder with situations like this whether people have to make their own mistakes in order to see what the correct choice is, or should have been. Sometimes, the facts can be glaringly obvious, like huge, red flashing lights, and everyone around you can be shouting at you to watch out, but you still choose to ignore all these warning signs. Sometimes, you have to just hurtle headfirst into danger, get badly hurt and then pick yourself up and mend again before you truly see how bad a situation was and that you should have just stayed away to begin with.
I fear this is going to be one of those times.
But for what it’s worth, OP, no. You should not get back together with your ex. I don’t know anything about B because you have not provided any details, but you should probably be humane and walk away from him too because you are not emotionally available and are not being fair to him.
If you can possibly muster the strength, walk away from both these guys and take some time to heal, reflect on this situation and learn from it before getting into another relationship.
Going back to your ex will be inviting a few more months (or years) of agony back into your life.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
Yikes. I feel for you, it is hard to see things for what they are when you are stuck in the middle of it. Read your posting carefully. If you were giving someone else advice, what would the answer be?
If you stay with A. use condoms for the rest of your life so A doesnt give you a life threatening /incurable STD.
One last thing, one of my favorite thought provoking phrases,
Between now and dead, what do you want?
Post # 5
ultra1998 : “a part of me does think he can change” WRONG. It is a terrible idea to make a monumental decision to marry someone based off of a shred of hope that they will change. BAD IDEA.
You already know how he is. It would be reckless and irresponsible to say yes and you know it. Don’t fall for the shiny object he’s trying to lure you in with.
You shouldn’t be with either. You need to sort your stuff out on your own because you are clearly not over your ex and you’re not emotionally available for a new guy.
Post # 6
Never marry someone based upon who you think that person MIGHT be, someday, maybe, hopefully. You choose to marry someone based upon who they are. And A is a cheating, lying, manipulative SOB.
That fantasy of this wonderful life together you’ve created in your head is just that, a fantasy. Ignoring all that’s happened between you doesn’t make it go away, it just hides it for a little while. Take some time on your own, Bee.
Post # 7
A has shown you who he is and what he will likely be. You don’t belong with B either. What you are doing is not fair to him.
Post # 8
NO. Tell A to f off. I can’t believe you’re still considering him as a life partner. Cheater, manipulator, dumper. He’s still manipulating you. It would boost his ego for you to say yes despite all he’s done to you. He’d be gloating right now if he knew you were conflicted enough to get advice from Internet strangers.
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2018 - Location
Is this a question? Obviously you shouldn’t marry A and you know that. He cheated on you. Cut off contact and move on.
Post # 10
- Wedding: January 2017 - Maui, Hawaii
It depends on what your goals are. If you’re interested in wasting countless months or even years of your life, it’s choice A all the way.
Post # 11
OMG, the ultimate surprise proposal! You lucky girl!!
Fuck to the no.
Post # 12
He’s a piece of shit and he wants to propose to you because he knows you’ll allow him to cheat for the rest of your lives on the hope that “next time it will be different!”
Post # 13
“A”‘s girlfriend probably dumped him and you’re now “Plan B.”
Post # 14
A is a dumpster fire-throw the whole man away!
Post # 15
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
He’s coming back to you because office girl doesn’t want him. You deserve way better than that. He’s done zero to indicate he won’t cheat again. He just put jewelery in your face and expects that to wipe the slate clean. Don’t waste time on someone who didn’t care enough to not cheat on you.