posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
1263 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

ultra1998 :  Are you posting bc you’re actually confused about doing what’s best for you or are you hoping to gain responses to justify getting back together with your ex? 

Choice A) emotionally manipulative cheater

Choice B) not the above 

Which choice looks better to you? 

Post # 3
769 posts
Busy bee

ultra1998 :  

I often wonder with situations like this whether people have to make their own mistakes in order to see what the correct choice is, or should have been. Sometimes, the facts can be glaringly obvious, like huge, red flashing lights, and everyone around you can be shouting at you to watch out, but you still choose to ignore all these warning signs. Sometimes, you have to just hurtle headfirst into danger, get badly hurt and then pick yourself up and mend again before you truly see how bad a situation was and that you should have just stayed away to begin with.

I fear this is going to be one of those times.

But for what it’s worth, OP, no. You should not get back together with your ex. I don’t know anything about B because you have not provided any details, but you should probably be humane and walk away from him too because you are not emotionally available and are not being fair to him.

If you can possibly muster the strength, walk away from both these guys and take some time to heal, reflect on this situation and learn from it before getting into another relationship.

Going back to your ex will be inviting a few more months (or years) of agony back into your life.

Post # 4
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Yikes.  I feel for you, it is hard to see things for what they are when you are stuck in the middle of it.  Read your posting carefully. If you were giving someone else advice, what would the answer be?  

If you stay with A. use condoms for the rest of your life so A doesnt give you a life threatening /incurable STD. 


One last thing, one of my favorite thought provoking phrases, 

Between now and dead, what do you want? 

Post # 5
1207 posts
Bumble bee

ultra1998 :  “a part of me does think he can change” WRONG. It is a terrible idea to make a monumental decision to marry someone based off of a shred of hope that they will change. BAD IDEA.

You already know how he is. It would be reckless and irresponsible to say yes and you know it. Don’t fall for the shiny object he’s trying to lure you in with. 

You shouldn’t be with either. You need to sort your stuff out on your own because you are clearly not over your ex and you’re not emotionally available for a new guy. 

Post # 6
6759 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Never marry someone based upon who you think that person MIGHT be, someday, maybe, hopefully. You choose to marry someone based upon who they are. And A is a cheating, lying, manipulative SOB.

That fantasy of this wonderful life together you’ve created in your head is just that, a fantasy. Ignoring all that’s happened between you doesn’t make it go away, it just hides it for a little while. Take some time on your own, Bee. 

Post # 7
12208 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

A has shown you who he is and what he will likely be. You don’t belong with B either. What you are doing is not fair to him.  

Post # 8
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

NO. Tell A to f off. I can’t believe you’re still considering him as a life partner. Cheater, manipulator, dumper. He’s still manipulating you. It would boost his ego for you to say yes despite all he’s done to you. He’d be gloating right now if he knew you were conflicted enough to get advice from Internet strangers.

Post # 9
1610 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

Is this a question? Obviously you shouldn’t marry A and you know that. He cheated on you. Cut off contact and move on.

Post # 10
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017 - Maui, Hawaii

It depends on what your goals are. If you’re interested in wasting countless months or even years of your life, it’s choice A all the way. 

Post # 11
551 posts
Busy bee

OMG, the ultimate surprise proposal! You lucky girl!!

Fuck to the no.

Post # 12
9948 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

He’s a piece of shit and he wants to propose to you because he knows you’ll allow him to cheat for the rest of your lives on the hope that “next time it will be different!”

Post # 13
130 posts
Blushing bee

“A”‘s girlfriend probably dumped him and you’re now “Plan B.”

Post # 14
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

A is a dumpster fire-throw the whole man away!

Post # 15
3449 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

He’s coming back to you because office girl doesn’t want him. You deserve way better than that. He’s done zero to indicate he won’t cheat again. He just put jewelery in your face and expects that to wipe the slate clean. Don’t waste time on someone who didn’t care enough to not cheat on you.

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