Post # 1
Last Wednesday night I told J that I no longer wanted to talk ‘babies, marriage, or houses’ anymore. I was done with it. I stayed strong and didn’t say anything, and I also decided to be more independant and go shopping by myself (I always do, but only when I have a day off from work, while HE’S at work. So I switched it up a bit and left the apartment). When I got home, he had cleaned the kitchen, fridge, started dinner, made his lunch for work, and prepared the coffee for the next morning. It was amazing. Friday comes… J calls me at at work at 3:30pm asking if I wanted a ride home. That made my day.
Fast forward a day or so:
So I started reading (and I’m almost done) the book ‘Why Men Marry B*tches’ and it is a fantastic book. so I started taking it’s advice and did a wee little experiment. On Friday night he mentioned ‘our house’ again, and I said: “We need to concentrate on things that need to happen BEFORE we buy a home.” And I left it at that. Sunday evening we were watching TV together, when I got up and said: “I’m going to go read in the bedroom.” NOT EVEN 30 MINUTES LATER he came into the bedroom, saying: “Watcha dooooin’?” I said “Reading…” He replied with: “Cool. I have to go pee. I’m sure you needed to hear that.”
Here’s the thing: Our apartment has two bathrooms… One in the hallway, and one in the bedroom. He didn’t have to use the bathroom in the bedroom… He was only using it to see what I was up to.
The SECOND I become the least bit independant, he comes crawling back. So perhaps if I stop talking about wedding stuff, he’ll just do it?? If I continually tell him that I don’t want to talk about it… Do you think it would have the same effect?
Post # 3
Possibly. Have you read Mr. Bee’s plan? It’s similar to what you’re doing, but I think the mindset is different- being independent and working on yourself for you, not to try to change him.
Post # 4
Men are so strange and funny! =) I’d make sure he knew my stance and that I *wanted* things to move forward, but didn’t want to just talk about it anymore, and not that I didn’t want to talk about it anymore cause I was’t interested.
Post # 5
As soon as you act like you don’t need them then they’re allll up under you. Men are hilarious. After 3 years of back and forth with my ex I broke up with him. 3 weeks later after I stopped taking his calls, told him I would call back and didn’t, was preparing myself for a date….he proposed. A week later I had the ring on my finger. It’s sad that we have to use such tactics but hey whatever works! lol
Post # 6
LMAO, I don’t know what the test means, but I did the same thing you did. I was in the living room and told my SO I was going in to the bedroom to read. 20 secs later he came into the bedroom to ask me about a machine. A damn machine that I have no idea how to operate, trying to make small talk.. LMAO
Post # 7
I did the same thing without reading the book and he’s been so crazy about getting my attention!
Post # 8
lol so glad to hear it is working for you 🙂 Although I don’t generally advocate games or “experiments” with loved ones I think it is just good advice generally to focus on yourself a little and try to find your own happiness. I think it’ll make you a happier person AND probably encourage him to get closer to you. Think about walking into a party… do you want to go hang out with the person who looks like they’re having a grand ol’ time without your help, or the person following you around and depending on you to have a good time. 🙂
Post # 9
No offense but you must have been harping on him every second of the day for this to have worked! I’m glad you found a way to easily change that, as you see it’s working in your favor.
Post # 10
great job! gives me some hope that i can concentrate on myself and see some happy side effects.
Post # 11
I soo can’t believe this is working!! Keep it up 🙂
Post # 12
@Gwen von D:That’s basically what the book is say! But I think if you say you don’t want to talk about it, he might think you changed your mind and he’s off the hook. IF he brings it up, discuss it. Otherwise, don’t mention it AT ALL!
Post # 13
hehe, that is a funny and cute story.
Post # 14
LOL, this is funny. I can’t say that stuff works for me though because I’m always off to bed early to read, so that’s nothing new. But I do agree that us girls need to make sure that we continue to do the things we love, and feel comfortable doing them ourselves. I’ve had the mini crisis of feeling like I lost my identity and all it took was a little me time and back to normal. Make sure you’re all doing that bees!
Post # 15
@pinkshoes: Yes, I definetly made it clear that I still wanted everything he did. But I was just tired of always TALKING about it.
@Love85: Definetly wasn’t harping on him. He talks about it more that I do. Which scares me sometimes. So that’s why I decided to stop talking about it all together so that he can DO something about it.
@CorgiTales: It wasn’t really a game or anything, it was more like a thought that came across my mind in an instant and I thought: “Hmm, I wonder what would happen if I did THIS..?” So I got up and went into the other room. It totally wasn’t planned or anything like that. Besides, the book is so good and I wanted to read more… And J was watching football. Boo.
Post # 16
@Cheeks11: “As soon as you act like you don’t need them then they’re allll up under you. Men are hilarious.”