(Closed) My extended family is offended that I'm having my wedding 250 miles away :(

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Am I justified in being hurt by my aunt's comment?
    Yes : (112 votes)
    93 %
    No : (8 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    9917 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Don’t try to justify your decision to her.  She is acting childish.  You should respond, “I’m really sad that you won’t be able to make it.”  

    Post # 4
    1691 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I can’t believe that she wrote it on the RSVP card.  WOW. There’s just no pleasing some people.  The location of your wedding should not be her concern.  If you were having it in Hawaii would she say the same thing?  How childish. You should consider yourself lucky she’s not coming!

    Post # 5
    388 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    That is AWFUL! How rude!!!! Do people not understand about compromise at all?? You had to have it somewhere. I know it is tradition to have it in the bride’s home town, but like many so called traditions they are no longer relevant. I can’t believe people sometimes, they only think about themselves. I hope you have a fantastic wedding in Buffalo with all of those people wo truely care about being there for you

    Post # 6
    11273 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @saffy:  that is so rude of her to write that.  she should be ashamed of herself.  it’s only 250 mile for crying out loud.  now i do understand it may be difficult for some to travel any distance but completely unnecessary to be rude about it.

    just enjoy your day with the family and friends that care enough to be with you.

    Post # 7
    9209 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    Um, your aunt is a beeeatch!  Seriously, that is SO rude.  It’s one thing to be privately offended (but still, get over it, the wedding isn’t about you), but to write that out to you is so ridiculous. 

    Almost none of either of our extended families live within 500 miles of our wedding, but they’re all excited to make a trip of it.

    Post # 8
    7206 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @saffy:  Your aunt is being ridiculous. 250 miles is not that far, they don’t even need to take a plane. You have perfectly legitimate reasons to hold your wedding in that location (even if you didn’t, she still shouldn’t have responded that way). Someone had top travel no matter what, I don’t understand why she is so upset about this.

    Post # 9
    3285 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    Oh my gosh, I am so sorry to hear that!!! That is so hurtful. People need to think before they write!!


    We are having a small ceremony because our families live over 1000 miles apart, and we knew people would be irritated wherever we had it. So it’s just parents and grandparents at the ceremony!! I feel your pain for sure!

    Post # 10
    407 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I’m in Texas, I’ve driven all over this state for weddings, 250 miles isn’t a big deal.  It isn’t like its across the country. 

    Post # 11
    577 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Replace “250 miles” with “50 miles” and you have my situation. In my case, it was neither of our home towns, but it is pretty much smack dab between them (still a little farther for his hometown than ours).

    My grandmother, who I understand is not in the greatest of health, apparently told my father that I had basically not invited her because I chose to have the wedding 45 minutes away. We had even arranged for her to have a hotel to retreat to if she got overwhelmed. I honestly hadn’t considered that she would not be able to travel under an hour (with somebody else driving her, too). His 90 year old grandfather would’ve made it under those circumstances, even wheelchair bound and suffering from Parkinsons, if he had lived that long. (As it was, he was more like 6 hours away, but was just thrilled that we were getting married. It wouldn’t have occurred to him to be hurt that we didn’t change our wedding plans so that he, one person, could attend.)

    I guess you just find out when you have a wedding that there’s no pleasing some people. No matter what you did somebody would’ve been inconvenienced/hurt. I could’ve just as easily had the wedding in Maryland, which would’ve been way more convenient for the majority of his family. It definitely sucks having people in your life be unsupportive. So I feel ya.

    Post # 12
    1416 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Our wedding was 300 miles from my family (and many more from his actually, most of his friends and family had to fly in, some from other countries even). Not a single solitary person complained to us. Even if they wanted to maybe, I wouldn’t know, because they were not awful and rude as your aunt was and are adults and know to keep their bad thoughts to themselves if they did have any lol. In other words, yes, very wrong of her, you have the right to feel offended. That said, I would probably not bring it up to her though, be the more adult one, makes her look even worse.

    Post # 13
    197 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @saffy:  Your aunt needs to grow up.  What she wrote was rude and uncalled for.  Honestly, I wouldn’t even respond to that, but if you choose to respond a simple “I’m sorry you won’t be able to join us” is more than enough.  Someday she may regret that she chose not to attend.

    Post # 14
    2053 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @saffy:  Wow, that is really a shame she sent you such a mean response. Her choice of the word “everyone” is really probably just her but she’s trying to lay it on thick to make you feel guilty. People like that need a swift response and need to know you will not stand to be treated that way.

    I’d call her on her poor behavior. I might just reply in kind via e-mail, but I might just give her a phone call and talk with her live so she could hear my tone and make no mistake about it. If she doesn’t answer, leave a message asking her to please call you back. If she doesn’t after a day, e-mail her. I’d let her know that her comment was rude and unnecessary, and that YOU are disappointed in HER because you always thought she was one of the people that you were closest to and would understand the many reasonable circumstances that resulted in the wedding in New York. I’d close by saying that she is wrong — not everyone in your family is disappointed about the wedding being in Michigan, but it is a shame that she is, and even more of a shame that she wrote a catty response. It is at this point that she should apologize. Whether she does or not, don’t hold your breath. If she does, great. Forgive her and move on. If she doesn’t, tell her that you won’t stand to be treated that way by her and hope that in the future she will not do that again. 

    Post # 15
    1639 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I have family flying THOUSANDS of miles from China and Australia to attend my wedding, because my family is international. 250 miles is nothing.

    Your aunt is being ridiculous. Focus on the people who are being happy for you.

    Post # 16
    850 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I did have one cousin make a comment about having my wedding over 1000 miles away from my family (2000 miles from FH’s family) in the city where we’ve lived and owned a home for the last 5 years. I’m not hurt. I honestly feel bad for her that she can’t see the fun in traveling to our awesome city, not to mention her failing to see why it would be easier for us to have our wedding where we live. No big deal though, we are going to have a great wedding and enjoy spending time with those who can make the trip. It’s a big mistake to dwell on negativity.


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