Post # 1
Every time my wedding gets brought up around my family (trust me I have tried to avoid it and change the subject since it so far away and I really don’t want to worry about it right now but they keep going anyway) They talk about how I need to do it in the back yard and have a small wedding and it should be super laid back. They all know I hate being outside, I’ll go outside if I have and can enjoy it but I don’t like bugs or wind, my eyes are sensitive to the sun and I get hot really easily I just don’t want to be outside if I don’t have to. My aunt said since we have a such a big backyard we should just do it out there, but we don’t have a nice backyard and I don’t want put extra stress on my parents and I really don’t want to have worry about a back up plan if the weather goes south. And my family does so many bbqs in our backyard it would feel like just another day and wouldn’t be different other then the attire. Next they all know we have a huge family and I love most of them so a small afair is out. My grandma said my guestlist shouldn’t be more then 50 people, that isn’t even half my guest which only consists of close family and friends, I have seen everyone on my guestlist within the last 6 months. And last they know that I am not super laid back when it comes to the big stuff like a wedding. I love getting dressed up and making myself pretty and I don’t want my wedding to just be another party, I want it to be special. My Future Mother-In-Law actually told me we should have it in the backyard so I could change into jeans at the end of the night, I am not a jeans kind of girl, I am usually in slacks, skirts or a dress, I wear jeans maybe twice a week, why would I want to wear them on my wedding day? Its just frustrating because I feel like I’m constantly saying “I’d rather not do that or that wasn’t what we were planning” all I hear back is more reasons why I should do it their way. I have no problem sticking up for myself especially since we are paying for the wedding all by ourselves except for my dress and flowers, I just get tired of constantly defending myself or changing the subject. I want to include them and not exclude them from the planning but I’m at my wits end! Ugh thanks for letting me vent!!! Any advice is appreciated
Post # 3
Noone has any right to tell you what your wedding “should” be. Just smile and say thanks and do whatever you want.
Now there is a bit of a wrinkle when it comes to paying for the wedding. Certainly any family that you ask to pay for the wedding may have some input. It sounds lke you are paying for the vast majority so that is more in your favor in terms of making the decisions.
Just get with your fiance and figure out what you both want. Pick the date and then chose your venue. It will all start to fall into place from there.
Post # 4
@dmourati: Yeah the money would be the worst but my dress is being paid for by my deceased grandfather who left me money specifically for my wedding dress because I always talked about it so much lol and the flowers are from FI’s grandmother who won’t be able to come because she can’t travel more then a few hours away and she lives in a different country, all she wants is pictures of me and my pretty flowers 🙂 It’s the people not helping with the bill at all that have the most opinions. I just don’t get how they think they suddenly have can have a say in our day even though it is total oposite from what I have talked about since I was a little girl
Post # 5
@alyssaC: I don’t have any advice other than hang in there, but I just wanted to tell you that when I read that your grandfather specifically alloted money for your dream dress AND a grandmother that won’t even be at the wedding is buying your flowers, I welled up a little bit. What sweet gestures!
Post # 6
Don’t even get into discussions with these people. Smile and say “Thanks, that’s an interesting suggestion” or “I am getting a lot of very thought-provoking ideas from you” or “Thanks, I’m enjoying everyone’s different ideas” – then choose what YOU want. Don’t tell people what you are doing, if they ask chuckle and say you are enjoying surprisyou everyone. Worst comes to worst, if there are complaints just tilt your head and say, ” yes, we could have done x, but we decided y, and I’m thrilled with that decision.” Don’t feel like you have to defend ANY choices you and your Fiance make!!
Post # 7
Trust me, I had exactly the same problem when I recently got married. Both my family and in-laws tried to tell me what to do. I’m a non-confrontational person and eventually their interferences took its toll on me and caused arguments between my fiance and I. It eventually made me depressed, in a constant state of tears and affected my sleep.
ASSERT yourself much LOUDER and much CLEARER than you did before. Don’t make the same mistake I did, confront them head-on! Call a family meeting and firmly tell them that you do not appreciate their interference and lay out exactly what it is that you want. Tell them that if they cannot support and respect your wishes, you will no longer tolerate their meddling! You will simply not put up with it! Trust me, if you don’t handle it in a firm way and you humour them by paying attention to their suggestions, etc, you will end up being as miserable as I was come your wedding day. Rather be firm now and plan the wedding that YOU want instead of trying to please them by even listening to their suggestions. You will be better off and will be a much happier bride come your wedding day. I too paid for my own wedding but didn’t want to rock the boat by being too assertive. Although I told them exactly what I wanted, I was too soft about it. I didn’t want them to think that I was being some sort of BRIDEZILLA!!! I regret now that I wasn’t more of a Bridezilla because despite telling them what I wanted, they went ahead and ignored my requests and did their own thing. My wedding turned into something I didn’t want at all! I was miserable!
Don’t allow them to steal your moment and ruin your day!!!
Post # 8
I say in this case in one ear and out the other. Book you things and have the type of wedding you want ignore ignore ignore. Once you book and make your final choices. Something short and sweet. We made the choices for your wedding and we are very happy with it so there not point in talking about other venues.