(Closed) My Family Didn't Care About My Wedding

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I can relate. My family isn’t excited about my upcoming wedding, nor were they excited about my engagement. The ONLY reason my mom is helping at all is because she feel obligated to. I doubt my grandparents will show up either. FH’s family? Absolutely thrilled and so helpful.

I have no advice. I just know how tough it is to be in a situation like yours. 

Post # 4
Member
3585 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@PixieChixie44:  you said “…Please tell me how I should be feeling about all of this.  Do I have a right to be upset?  Or should I have expected it?  My mother has always been, well… selfish.  When I graduated from high school and had almost enough scholarships to cover my Freshman year of college, but needed just a couple thousand more to avoid taking out loans…  My mom got lyposuction and tattooed eyeliner.  I was disgusted.”

I suppose you don’t really mean this group on WB to tell you how you are supposed to feel, that’s a little silly. You feel how you feel.

But should you act on your hurt feelings? It’s entirely up to you. The lack of regard for you on your wedding day your mother and sister showed was pretty amazing.

Personally, I never get “confronting” people about essentially who they are. You know who your mother is. What is the practical point in calling her out? Whether or not she owes you anything for college is debatable, many parents think that they don’t. And honestly, going to a dress fitting is bloody boring. She’d already seen the dress, right? Or she would be seeing it at the wedding if not.

It’s impossible to know from the brief description what’s going on with you two, but if it were me, I’d just be quietly dropping these people (your mom and sis)  from participating in much of my life and I would be embracing the in-laws.

 

 

 

 

Post # 5
Member
1938 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Honestly, I think you need to sit them down and tell them pretty much exactly how you feel. They may brush it off or not care, or they may offer excuses but at least you will know that they KNOW how they made you feel.

After that (and depending on how they react) you need to think about how you want to handle yourself and your life. It is hard to have people in your life that seem to always want you to be excited for them but cannot muster up even a bit of enthusiasm of you… believe me I have some of those people in my life too….

What I personally am doing is just living my life the best way I can, not tying to impress or get anything out of anyone else other than my husband and myself. 

People like this will always be like this in my experience, and you can either accept them for what they are (selfish and cold) or simply try to distance yourself from them. BIG HUGS! 

Post # 6
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t cry hardly ever.

But I’m pretty sure I would cry if this happened to me.

In fact, I felt a pang in my heart reading this.

I’m really sorry this happened to you. If I could, I would bring over some rum and Coke, chocolate, and some trashy movies and we’d cry about it.

So sorry. ๐Ÿ™

Post # 8
Member
6359 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m sorry. I also have a very disappointing family. It hurts. I don’t know what to say other than you are not alone, and sounds like your in-laws are wonderful and your husband is too! Smile

Post # 9
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

First of all big ((hugs}} I am so sorry you had that experience. I think it is totally fine to take Darling Husband along for emotional support. You are now a team so what affects one affects both. 

I support this confrontation because it may help you feel better to get things off your chest. I hold out zero hope of it changing anything for the better as  far as them. Actually it may make things even more strained but as it sounds like an unhealthy relationship that you do not need oh well, you know? At least they will know why you are phasing them out of your life. Maybe someday they will have some life altering experience and try to patch it up with you.

I am so happy you received a new family. They sound like quite a blessing! Cherish those relationships ๐Ÿ˜€

Post # 10
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My mom and sister could be related to your mom and sister.  Although at least I expected it since they openly did not support our union.  My mom and sister didn’t show up to anything important really or acted very put out if they did show up like I was cutting into their time.  My sister showed up an hour late to our rehearsal and then  cussed me out in front of the rest of the bridal party for choosing a venue that was so hard to find.  The poor pastor’s jaw dropped at my sister called me a f***ing bitch and stormed off.  Then she said she would just wing it since she missed the whole rehearsal because it couldn’t be that complicated.  Her groomsman practically dragged her down the aisle and told her where to stand.  Both mom and sis showed up 30 minutes before the ceremony while I had asked for help setting up since early in the morning.  I did everything on my own essentially which nearly put me in a panic attack.  Then my side of the family basically got up and left right after dinner.  Like thanks for the free meal but we really don’t care to see you cut your cake, or dance or any thing like that.  The excuse was that it was too cold out there.  

Weddings make you realize how selfish people are.  Did your mom not really approve of you and hubby getting married or is she just so self absorbed that she just didn’t care?  I am so sorry but seriously you’ll forget all about your crappy family in a month or too.  I got married in June and I decided I don’t care anymore.  Honestly it just makes them look shitty in front of my new in laws.  You still had a gorgeous wedding and now you get to have a new beginning and start your own family.  Hubby and I have taken marriage as this golden opportunity to decide who we want to keep close to us and who is just too destructive to be around.  I talk to my mom and sister once every couple of months and that is all I really need. 

Post # 11
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I could have writtent his post! Except it wasn’t only my mother..but all of my family excluding my Dad and his wife (my sister showed up, but that’s it). I have no advice. I still haven’t seen any of my family ( I will during the holidays) and my own mother still hasn’t called me to explain why she didn’t show up to my wedding when I had it IN HER STATE. It should be an interesting Thanksgiving.

Post # 12
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MississippiQueen:  Oh this makes me feel better.  Yeah I haven’t been super close with my fam since the wedding either.  The holidays should definitely be eye opening. To be honest hubby and I are doing our own thing for Christmas since we have decided are families both don’t really deserve our presence.  We are going to tell his family that we are spending x-mas with my family and my family that we are spending x-mas with his family.  Although we are simply going to hole up at home with hot cocoa and blankets and watch movies in our jammies all day!!! He he.  Selfish and a little naughty?….you bet by their were all selfish and a little naughty on our special day.  

Post # 13
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee

Weddings bring out the worst in people. I’m so sorry that your family was so unsupportive and rude. I would definitely be upset! keep looking on the bright side…your have a wonderful new family who seems really great. I am really glad to have my in-laws because they’re so much more supportive than my family has ever been…they pretty much expect me to do everything myself while taking care of my younger brothers and giving them everything I begged for as a kid (braces, extracurriculars, etc). Siblings suck sometimes, btw. Especially when parents favor them. (My two stepbrothers get braces, football, baseball, a nice house, etc while I’m on foodstamps and have struggled my whole life).

Post # 14
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m so sorry that you experienced that.  No child deserves that kind of treatment from their parents.  Say how you feel to them.  I would.

After you do that, embrace those around you that truly give a damn about you and your life. 

*hugs*

Post # 15
Member
479 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

could it be jealousy? It sounds like you are doing really well for yourself and getting married was a other thing to add to your list. I would tell them how I was feeling, because you need to let them know… I am sorry your dealing w/ all of this.

Post # 16
Member
901 posts
Busy bee

I guess the question you need to ask yourself is if bringing this up to them will make any difference at all. It sounds like this is entirely about them and their likely jealous feelings towards you. Bringing it up may just cause you more heartache.

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