- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2015
I realise this is long post and I understand that a lot of you won’t read it. But I’m so desperate for help, I’m at my wits end and don’t know what to do. I would really value any and all comments/advice you can give me!
My family hate my fiancé. They have always disliked him, and even though we have been going out 9 years (I was 16 when we met in college and we’re still going strong) and are very happy together they still detest him.
I hate that they won’t even pretend to be happy for me and worry they will ruin our wedding day (1st Oct 2015).
Last week it got so bad with them telling me not to marry him (and getting angry/exasperated that I wouldn’t just give in to their wishes), I had a panic attack in the car on the way home that was so severe my fiancé wanted to take me to hospital.
There reasons for me not to marry him are:
He’s not “generous in spirit” (we are a completely non-religious as a family so it’s not a christian thing). He is generous and kind and thoughtful, and what the hell does that even mean?
They think he’s ssomehow siphoning money or into a secret bank account or something, and keeping telling me “it just doesn’t add up” and “how can you be so worried about money when you have so much coming in as a couple”
I’m not working at the moment, my fiance earns a good wage but we’ve just taken on renting a new expensive flat with an aga that guzzles gas like nobodies business. This is another groundless accusation. I do the finances, I know what comes in and out etc. But when I tell them that they just say my name in an unbelieving, disappointed way like I’m lying.
They say he doesn’t support me and I need the “right support” (meaning them). I have bi-polar (well managed, I’m on the right drugs etc) but the times I have been at my worst had been after seeing them and them going off on me about my (then) partner (before we were engaged).
When I’ve told tthem I’m setting my boundaries, I won’t tolerate their behavior and my finances are none of their business they laugh at me, say “we can set boundaries too” in a snide voice and tell me that of course my finances are their business because they are my parents. They refuse to see how much I love my fiance, how happy and loved and cared for he makes me feel. We’ve been together nearly ten years and he still makes everything feel like an adventure.
It’s gotten to the point where I’ve told them to suck it up, pretend to be happy for me and respect my future husband and me enough to stop or they won’t be coming to the wedding. Again they just laughed and said “well we thought we’d end up not being invited any way” inferring my fiancé would control me and not let them come to the wedding.
They are pushing me away but if I try to tell them that they tell me I’m being brain washed.
I don’t know what to do. I’m heart broken, angry, disappointed and frustrated and my fiancé is angry at the way they are treating me. Please can people help me in taking the next step. Even a doctor told them they were paranoid when I was first diagnosed with bipolar (they came to “support me at my appointment) and they’ve since said she’sman awful doctor and they heard someone complained about her and she should be struck off.
How do I deal with this madness? If I don’t invite them I’ll never hear the end of it and they’ll blame my fiancé, If I do I’m worried they’ll ruin our wedding. They are already ruining it for me with the stress, worry, hurt and anger they are causing me. How do I tell them to stop so that they won’t just laugh in a belittling way and disregard?
TLDR: Parents hate fiancé, are delusional, and are ruining our wedding for me already.
- This topic was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by RavenDawn32.