Post # 1
I swore I wouldn’t post this on here but I can’t let this eat away at my sainity anymore. I need some advice….
my parents are having a really hard time letting me go, they strongly dislike my fiance and therefore have been super distant about the wedding. It’s been really
hard on me not having their support, and a couple of months ago I
stumbled upon an email they had written bashing my choice to marry my
fiance and their hopes that I would not go through with the wedding because he’s an “A-hole”. Ive been stuggling with how I should handle the situation, should I
say something about it to them or just leave it be all together with
and go on hoping things will get better once they see he’s not going
anywhere and how happy we are? We’ve been together for over 2 years
and they haven’t budged since then so I’m sure if they ever
will…What would you suggest I do? I’m just afraid everytime I see my parents it will be weird, or it will be super awkward my Fiance is around them. I just hope I don’t
end up resenting them forever.
Post # 3
My only suggestion, speaking from experience, is this: are they right?
I know it may be hard to look beyond the love you have, but seriously consider things for a moment. Chances are if your family/friends/etc. don’t like a guy, it’s probably for a reason that you can’t yet see.
If it’s just your parents, I know it sucks, but not much will probably change their minds…it might just be something that you will have to live with. 🙁
Post # 4
Do they have any reason not to like him?
Post # 5
I’m sorry your family isn;t being supportive 🙁 Is their a reason they dont like him? Besides that they think he’s an a-hole… does he have criminal record, bad blood between your family and him, does he not treat you well? If they dont have a reason not to like him, it seems strange that they just decided to hate on him.
Post # 6
@Miss Orchard: I agree with this.
Post # 6
I know most of the board does not agree with me, but I think you marry a family, not just one person. If his family doesn’t like you, or your family doesn’t like him there is probably a reason.
This is not something I would let go. I wouldn’t mention the e-mail, because you shouldn’t have seen it, but even without that you have enough to address the issue.
Post # 7
mimicing all three PPs. Why?
I trust my mother and love her and if she honestly didnt liky my husband, I would wonder what I wasnt seeing.
Unless your mom has shown in the past to be over judgemental and a bad sense of character, and not just your mom, but your dada too, then I would look a little harder at your relationship.
Post # 8
As everyone else stated, is there a reason for them to dislike him? Or do they think he’s just “not good enough” for their daughter?
If it was me, I would say something to them. Find out exactly why they think poor of him. Maybe it’s over something really stupid that can easily be handled and fixed. Good luck!
Post # 9
I’m with everyone else. Why do they dislike him so much? If your parents are the type of parents that dont like anyone you’ve dated than I would just let it go but if they haven’t had a problem with your past relationships than maybe I’d consider their reasons on why they don’t like him.
Post # 10
I understand what you are saying and I have looked deep to see if there is any truth in how they feel but I just can’t up with a reason. My parents started hating him because the first time he came over to my parents house to meet them he got sick and threw up on their floor. (he wasn’t drunk although they made that assumption) My Fiance is strong willed and just wants me taken care of and he clashes with my mother because she doesn’t want to give up the reigns on that. He doesn’t treat me bad and certainly isn’t an A-hole to me, they just won’t take the time to see that or even get to know him.
Post # 11
@tbskelly: If there is no reason then your family is being unreasonable. Sit down with them and tell them how you feel. Let them know how happy your Fiance makes you and how much you love him and want to spend your life with him. If they love you, they should be willing to get to know him and support your marriage.
Post # 11
I think you need to have a discussion with them about their concerns. Don’t bring up the e-mail.
He got sick and threw up on their floor? Was he hungover? How did he react? Was he contrite/embarrassed? Were they sympathetic to him at the time? I mean, that’s a pretty terrible thing to happen when you first meet someone but it shouldn’t ruin a whole relationship.
As far as giving up the reins . . . I know that can be hard for parents but maybe you need to show them in concrete terms that he and you are doing a fine job of it together? Does he ice your family out? Like, are there things that your parents could be involved in to help ease the transition to “losing” their little girl?
Post # 12
Maybe you should talk with your parents and see what they say. Maybe he has said/done something you’re not aware of. Maybe your parents are just afraid to let you grow up. You won’t know unless you ask. Good luck- and keep us posted 🙂
Post # 12
@tbskelly: well than personally- I see 2 options. You can either have a sit down adult conversation with your parents asking them why they treat him the way they do & what they feel is the problem. Maybe then you could voice your opinion & let them know you don’t like the way they treat him & that he does treat you well, etc. The other option would be to just ignore them and go on with your wedding without their support.
Post # 13
@daybyday: ok to go into more detail of the inccident, I was still living at home at the time and he was to come spend the evening at my parents house. He lived 2 hours away and ended up coming to where I worked first so we could go over to my house together. He had mentioned he wasn’t feeling good (hadn’t been drinking at all) but he said he would be fine. Well, once we opened the door to my house he had to throw up and couldn’t make to the bathroom in time. He felt terrible and quickly ran to try and clean it up but my mom is OCD and wouldn’t let him clean it. He went to bathroom and my mom yelled at me saying i never should have brought him over and he should go home. I wasn’t going to make my sick Bf drive 2 hours throwing up so he stayed and then they just starting assuming things and spreading rumors about him being drunk. My Fiance rarely drinks, is a stand up guy, has a great job working for the government, he’s not a drug dealer! I just don’t get it.
my parents moved to maine from new jersey 4 years ago and the people that live here are different from what they are used to. He’s from maine and they hate him for it because they can’t relate to him. It’s just so unfair that they take their unhappiness out on us, I don’t get a mother to help me with the wedding process, and they aren’t contributing to the wedding at all making his family help us with everything. I just had hoped this would be a happy moment in my life and all my mom cares about is if my brother, who is a groomsman, will be walking her down the aisle. ugh.