- 5 years ago
I have never posted on here, but I don’t know where else to go. Seems like the bees on here always offer up good advice. Basically, my fiancé and I have been engaged for over a year now, together for over 2 years. We happened to get engaged before he met my family, and it’s honestly bc I tried my best to keep him away from them. I am Asian and my parents are very traditional by Asian culture. They really hate my fiancé because he is white and doesn’t understand the culture of Vietnamese people. They think white people don’t know how to truly love family and that it is so easy for them to divorce or leave you because they lack deep loyalty. They think white/American people are too wild and drink/party too much. It’s all just false generalization but I can’t change their perspective because they were raised in a completely different culture that taught them these things. They also don’t like him because he is not religious, and he did not go to college. He is a chef and my parents thinks that’s a crap job that will get you nowhere in life And he will never be successful enough to take care of me.
I love my fiancé very much and I want to marry him, but since we have been engaged, it’s nothing but a mess. My parents say whatever they want and I have stood up against them. I have not spoken to them for a few months now, but it is truly wearing on me… I will have bouts of just crying and breaking down and after a year of this, fiancé has had enough. He’s tired and worn as well and doesn’t know what to do. My parents told me if I choose to go with him, they will disown me from the family, which I do not doubt. I don’t know what to do bc I love my parents, and my whole life was taught to obey them. I was raised in a strict Asian household while also growing up in America and learning my own way of life. It’s confusing and conflicting at times. I don’t want to lose my family, and then possibly lose my fiance later bc he can’t deal with me breaking down about being shunned from my family.
Fiance and I never talk of wedding or marriage anymore, and when I bring it up, he says he doesn’t know or he doesn’t want to think about it. So finally I confronted him and told him I need to know what is going to happen. He said that he does not feel comfortable about getting married when my parents are going to shun me. I told him it is what it is, and I can’t change that and we will have to stand up to them at some point. He said he’s not ready now… And not sure when he will ever be comfortable standing up to them bc he’s scared to. I feel at a lost… I feel like my fiance is slipping away from me. He says he’s not going anywhere and he won’t leave me because he loves me and wants to marry me, but then again, he says he does not know about getting married like this when things are so rocky and ugly with the family… I feel like I’m stuck im relationship limbo and he’s just postponing and procrastinating getting married bc of my family. He does not want to get married knowing I’ll have to lose my family… Even if I’m willing to sacrafice my family. He said in the end, if I leave my family, he will be happy he has me but sad that I had to lose my family for it and that doesn’t make him feel good. I’m tired of not knowing where this relationship is going and I’m tired of my fiance saying “I don’t know” every time. Now he’s saying he wants me to finish college before we get married but that may be another 4-5 years bc I go part-time (I’m 29 and have been working at my company full time and decided to go back to school). I need help… I’m losing my mind and possibly my family and/or fiancé.
- This topic was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by PrettyPinkPeonies.