(Closed) My family hates my fiancé and now he doesn't know if he wants to get married

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 76
4 posts
  • Wedding: February 2015

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Post # 79
2297 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

i think you both need to figure out what you REALLY want. you guys have so much stress surrounding you that’s it’s probably hard to remember what is important to you both.  

ie – would he marry you today with no pomp and circumstance? is he ready to be your husband? if yes, great, then you just need to figure out when/what works for you BOTH. not just him, not just you, and certainly not anyone who isn’t in the marriage. 

also – the idea that you need to wait until after you have a degree in case he dies….is reaching SO far for an excuse it’s ridiculous. 

your parents are already pissed and unreasonable, what are the odds that you getting the degree will actually change things significantly for the better? seems pretty low – meanwhile you’re both unhappy. so for me, that would be out. 

you need to sit him down and calmly say ‘i want to marry you, and this is what i’m prepared to do about it.’ (talk to your parents, go to counselling to deal with their disapproval so that it doesn’t impact your marriage, take night classes to move up your graduation date, whatever.)

and then say, ‘you want to marry me, what steps can you take so we can move forward?’ and then see what he’s willing to do (counselling with you to deal with this stress, compromising on a shorter engagement, etc.)

if you both WANT to get married – you can. you just need to focus on what is actually important to you and go from there. i’d say have this conversation somewhere neutral – go to a park or something so that you’re out of the house (where you’ve likely been arguing this last week) and you can’t yell and scream. 

Post # 81
1034 posts
Bumble bee

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PrettyPinkPeonies:  I would take him up on that offer to elope. If you both say you want to get married and a lot of the stress is coming from family pressure, then elope! Get the paperwork started and see how serious he is about it. 

Post # 82
1246 posts
Bumble bee

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PrettyPinkPeonies:  At this point I think he is being reasonable.  Things do happen to people. Nobody plans to get hurt or die, but we should consider the possibility.  Many families stay estranged.  He does seem generally worried about you.

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