Post # 1
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
So as I begin my wedding planning and am trying to divide my time between my family and my new family in-law, my family is stressing me out! Both my parents really like and care for my Fiance, but I’m having trouble trying to help them understand that my time spent with them now includes my Fiance. My family is not the “hosting” type – we never had big gatherings outside of immediate family or never had people just drop by. We never had game nights or parties or just opened our home to friends to just hang out. Now that times such as today arise (4th of July), I have to fight between my parents and my Fiance – because my Fiance thinks I’m being stuck-up by not inviting him to my parents’ and my parents don’t really care to entertain. Mom says she doesn’t feel like “sitting and chatting and entertaining anyone”. My mom in particular always thinks she’s got to have everything in tip-top shape in the house before anyone comes over, and a lot of times she’s not feeling well because of a few medical conditions (which I understand). But a lot of times I feel like it’s just not that serious; they can sit and entertain with me and my Fiance for just a few hours. On the other hand, my FI’s family is very open – always inviting me over, always asking me to join them on numerous occassions and trips etc. I don’t want everything to always seem one-sided.
So my problem is, how do I get Fiance to understand that my family is not as social as his, and how do I get my family to understand that they’ve got to loosen up a bit? My Fiance thinks I’m being stuck up by not inviting him to my parents’ a lot of times and that’s just not the case. I don’t know how to put myself between him and my parents and avoid hurt feelings on either side. This is stressing me out tremendously.
Post # 3
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
Why don’t you host your parents? Mom doesn’t have to play host, but you get to spend time with them and include your fiance.
Post # 4
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
I think hosting your parents would be such a great idea! I seriously don’t understand why they would be so uptight about your Fiance being in their house, he’s going to be family soon. Perhaps even a neutral setting like a park this 4th of July, unless it’s too hot for your parents?
Post # 5
Member
6593 posts
Bee Keeper
They shouldn’t feel like they are “hosting’ your Fiance and they should understand now that when you come over to spend time with them he will be coming too! Do they “host” you when you are over – I don’t really see the difference?
But I think you guys having them over might be a good idea too!
Post # 6
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
Those are good ideas girls! Maybe I should start hosting them. Fiance and I don’t live together right now, so it’s hard to kind of get everyone in one spot. Dad is working today, so really it’s just mom and my younger sis who will be home. I don’t get why they get so uptight when I ask anyone to come by their house. It was like that when I was a teenager too – it’s like they always had an issue when I wanted to invite anyone over – not just my “then” boyfriends but girlfriends too! It’s like they just would rather keep to themselves. It’s new for me with my FI’s family and how much fun they have – my family is scattered all around the country and a lot of his is nearby, so maybe his family is just more used to it than mine.
It’s just really annoying when I ask “hey can me and Fiance come by for dinner” and I get all this resistance and all these reasons why today is not a good day. I try to be supportive and understanding but it really just makes me not even want to go over there, and then when I do go alone – Fiance is questioning why I don’t invite him to spend time.
Post # 7
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
@FMM: you’re right, they don’t “host” when I’m over – I also get the feeling that they feel they can’t be as relaxed as when I come over (I usually just pop in and out when I get ready). FI’s family on the other hand – I can do stuff like go in the fridge and grab a soda but if Fiance does that at my parents’ – they’re ready to have a cow. It’s SO strange to me. But they REALLY do like him. Maybe it’s that since I’m the oldest and first child to get married, they’re still getting used to all of this?