My family is being passive about me graduating from college

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 18
Member
1006 posts
Bumble bee

Congratulations on your achievement!  I am so sorry they are being like this and know it must be heartbreaking.  Can you celebrate with some of your friends and not worry about your parents?  It seems they are going to be Negative Ned’s the whole time anyway.

Post # 19
Member
97 posts
Worker bee

First off, congrats! Graduating is a big achievement, and you’re doing it early, no less. I feel you on not having supportive families – I’m doing my PhD after turning down vet school, and not once have my folks said “I’m proud of you,” nor are they coming to my MSc convocation. Like you, I have a younger sibling who recently started uni and is acheiving mediocre grades, but this is the highlight of all of our recent family conversations. Very frustrating. 

It sucks that your family is not giving you the support and celebration that you deserve, and I can just imagine how hurtful that is. But that said, eventually we have to learn to gain pride and self-worth from ourselves rather than from external sources. So have the celebration you want with friends who are supportive, or go without a party and instead have fun on some other outing – but know for yourself that what you’ve accomplished is absolutely worthwhile and deserving of celebration. If your parents are acting like this now, it’s likely that they will unfortunately behave similarly at other milestones in your life. You can talk to them if you want, but if that’s not fruitful (and it may very well not be), you might just have to learn to brush off their lack of validation. I wish I had more hopeful words, but that has just been my experience – yours may be much better!

Post # 20
Member
2996 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Well, I’m proud of you! Accounting is a tough major and considered to be the M of STEM, so you are absolutely a STEM major and graduating Summa Cum Laude to boot! Congratulations!! 

Where I am, graduation parties are the norm, but my family couldn’t be arsed to attend one for me either.  It was just my husband and father-in-law. So we went out to our usual Chinese restaurant after graduation. The restaurant owners were more excited for me than my parents were, oohed and aahed over my Summa Cum Laude medal and Psi Chi honor society stole, and gave us free appetizers to celebrate. It wasn’t what I had envisioned but was a really nice memory. 

I think you have two viable options here. The first would be to go ahead with the graduation party in the clubhouse and invite people like your coworkers and friends to fill out the numbers. Or you can have a graduation dinner at a place that you are a regular at and be sure to milk it for all it’s worth (let them know when you make a reservation that it’s for your college graduation, and wear your cap and honors swag with a nice dress!). Or both! 

Post # 21
Member
7025 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Congratulations!! Well done, Bee!

This is a fantastic achievement and you are right to celebrate. You can’t control how other people behave–just ignore them and enjoy your moment. 

Post # 22
Member
2222 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’m sorry you’re not feeling supported. Congratulations on your achievement.

Just a differing perspective, my family was very supportive of me and graduating, and I also graduated with honors. However, they also didn’t see a need for a party to celebrate college graduation. Frankly, neither did I. Neither of my brothers had a party either. We went out to dinner, if I remember right, and that was it. I think graduation parties are more friend functions, and many don’t see the need for them. Don’t let that take away from your achievement or your joy in it. You accomplished something wonderful! Congratulations! Celebrate your own way, and try not to let your parents lack of desire to throw a party get you down. 

Post # 23
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I’ve never heard of a graduation party for college graduates. Usually, you just meet up with your peers at a bar or restaurant. Or your parents take you to dinner. Be happy with your accomplishments and congrats on your upcoming graduation.

Post # 24
Member
1190 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry your parents are being like this. I agree with PP in having your own party somewhere that isn’t their house. Of course invite them, but the party is on your terms. Graduating is a big deal! Congratulations! 

Also im not the favourite in my family either, so I can relate to you on how that feels! Onwards and upwards OP. 

xo

Post # 25
Member
3400 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
lbqueen15 :  firstly, congrats! Secondly, are you sure you’re not just reading too much into this? Maybe you parents are just relieved your brother is going to college, since it sounds like he’s kinda been an underachiever – they might have just been worried for him. And as for pictures…some people just aren’t picture people. If you’re not a picture person, you probably think it’s a waste of money. And when it’s comes to the party – multiple parties within a month ( let alone two or three days in a row!) is just a bit OTT and expensive . It makes sense to acknowldge your graduation at the Christmas party since it’s already planned. 

Somethjng else too – winter graduations are just harder. It’s the holidays, and people associate graduation with spring. Winter is just harder to plan around. 

Post # 26
Member
11348 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
lbqueen15 :  

After I graduated from law school, there was a small,  simple supplemental class I had to take besides the bar exam.  I screwed up the test and would need a do over. Not a problem.  But, it had to be back burnered in favor of bar review. In those days, we did live instruction.  Fun.

Just for background, the pass rate for the bar in my state bounces between 30-50%.

So, I took six weeks off from work, which many people said would not be enough. I sat through three grueling days of testing. To make it more exciting, we had to wait three months for results.  A lot of people went berserk.  Some had jobs lined up that depended on passing.

At long last, the big day arrives and I got my letter saying I passed. As most people would, I called my parents to share my good news.

My father’s exact words upon hearing that his only begotten child had passed a notoriously tough bar exam on the first try:

Yeah, but you flunked that other course.

That’s unsupportive.

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