My family is being ridiculous

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
5976 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

So sad that your brother won’t be able to make it, but I’m sure you’ll send him a lovely card and perhaps some photos of the wedding to enjoy!

Post # 3
Member
3813 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

What PP said. Guests don’t dictate the guest list, period. You decide who is invited. And I would absolutely not be down for the singing either.

Post # 4
Member
4231 posts
Honey bee

Usually breastfeeding babies in arms are exceptions to the no kids rule. What do you expect your maid of honor to do all day? At a minimum, have you made accomodations for her to pump and store milk?

Post # 5
Member
9402 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

Your brother is being ridiculous!  Hard no.. especially to the singing WTH?  Your wedding is now a kareoke bar? 

I do feel bad for your Maid/Matron of Honor but honestly even if baby could come itd be difficult for her since I assume someone will have to watch baby while she is busy getting her hair and makeup done and even more so during photos.

Post # 6
Member
2349 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Omg this was my family 6 months ago. Older sister and her husband. They were super offended I didn’t invite their kids who were 5,7 and 9. So my sister nearly didn’t come to reception.  She left early anyway and my brother in law stayed at home with my nieces and nephew. On our wedding day sister still had the nerve to say “wish the kids were here”. I’ve known my brother in law 18 years and he couldn’t be bothered getting a babysitter.

The no kids thing has caught on as older sister’s kids are out of control. At little sister’s gender reveal they smashed an ornament, made a hole in her bathroom wall in an hour of being there. They weren’t invited to baby shower so oldest sister didn’t come!!

I have 7 nieces and nephews and the other 4, often get babysitters! They are too much.

Your brother is trying to manipulate you. Do not change your mind. He is testing you and he will come.

I always said I’d rather have no kids and no sister there then my sisters out of control kids . 

I did allow babies who were under 6 months. I didn’t hear a peep out of them.

Post # 7
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

Ok I’m going to be the odd one out here. I can’t believe everyone saying “your brother is being ridiculous” etc. Your brother’s child is YOUR nephew! How can you not want your own nephew to attend your wedding?! And expecting your Maid/Matron of Honor to leave her 3 month old at home to attend your wedding?! Seriously?? I wouldn’t attend. I also can’t imagine getting married without my nieces and nephews, I love them too much 

Post # 8
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

View original reply
averagegirl :  Because a lot of people don’t want children at a wedding (myself included)?  And some kids just outright aren’t terribly well-behaved?  Just because she doesn’t invite the child to her wedding doesn’t mean she doesn’t love him or something.

Post # 9
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t know your family dynamics, and I do believe you have the right to set your own guest list, but isn’t the wedding about celebrating with loved ones? Some people aren’t into drinking and partying anymore and they don’t want to leave their kids home to do that. I don’t think it’s ridiculous. We should all respect each other’s choices. My nieces and nephews had a blast dancing at my wedding and they were adorable. We also had an open bar for the adults, everyone said they had a great time and they still talk about it 12 years later. Anyway, whatever you decide, good luck to you. 

Post # 10
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
hickoryhills : but what harm would it do to allow her own nephew and a 3 month old baby to attend? We aren’t taking about a co-worker’s kid who she’s never met before.. this is immediate family. And a wedding is about celebrating with the ones you love. So how can you love your nephew and not want him there? I love my nieces and nephews as much as I love their parents so I don’t understand this age restriction business. So what if the 6 year old runs around? Is really going to ruin her day? There are much worse things that could happen. Her brother is right to be offended. 

Post # 11
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

View original reply
averagegirl :  Ok, but your relationships are perhaps not the same as hers?  Just because you would do something doesn’t mean everyone else should feel obligated to think the same way you do.  She has a right to invite who she pleases to a wedding, and to have it be an adults-only party if she wishes.

Post # 12
Member
2126 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
averagegirl :  I love my niece to death, she is also a holy terror on wheels. You can love your nieces, nephews, best friends kids, etc and not invite them to every single thing. Just because you would, doesn’t mean everyone else feels the same way.

OP- your brother wants to sing?! LOL, nope. I’m more inclined to make an exception for a BF-ing mama but at 3 months PP and acting as a Maid/Matron of Honor, it sounds like logistically having a tiny baby present would be difficult to juggle.

Post # 13
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

From my experience most parents want to have a night out for themselves and will choose to get a babysitter. I am surprised that your brother is being this way but it also sounds like they have no control over their kids. For your Maid/Matron of Honor, I’d let her bring the baby, 3 months is young especially if she’s breastfeeding. However, I am sure if she thought it was going to be a hassle than she might make other arrangements but I’d at least give her the option. 

I’d like an adult only affair but I also have nieces and newphews that are in their teens and may enjoy the party. They’re good kids so I am not worried about holes in the wall! 

Post # 14
Member
3376 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

We had an adult-only wedding, which meant excluding 2 nephews 🤷🏼‍♀️ One was 2.5 and an absolute monster (and still is at 3.5). SIL was pissed, made threats, etc but ultimately came. And we have never regretted not having our nephews there. They’re children. They really really don’t give a fuck about a wedding. 

Post # 15
Member
6959 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
futurewife303 :  “I also just wanted an adult wedding so everyone can drink and party without worrying about the kids.”

Yes it’s your wedding and you can invite who you want, but this phrase just grates on me. Just because people can’t bring their children to a wedding doesn’t mean they get some easy, worry-free time. They still have to worry, just about different things:

-Finding a babysitter (which can be a ridiculously difficult task on it’s own!)

-Making sure there’s enough pumped milk if the baby is still little (way harder than it sounds for some women who don’t respond well to pumps or haven’t built a freezer stash)

-And if they ARE still breastfeeding, where do you pump and when? Is there a fridge where I can keep my milk? Will my boobs hurt? What is the best dress for easy access?

-Wondering if they’re safe

-The stupid guilt parents feel for enjoying free time away from their kids, etc. 

So you telling parents you want them to have a fun, worry-free night is just not possible. I do get it. I like adult-only weddings too. When my son was 3 months old we were invited to a wedding (and my son was invited too) but I chose to leave him with my parents because I wanted a night out. But just be honest about why you’re having a kid-free event. It’s not to give the parents a break. It’s because you don’t want their kids there (which is fine). 

I also seriously hope you’re making accomodations for your Maid/Matron of Honor to pump if she’s still breastfeeding.

*stepping off my high horse now*

That said, your brother with the song thing is ridiculous. Just tell him no. It sounds like he’s not coming anyway since his son isn’t invited so you shouldn’t even have to worry. 

 

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