(Closed) My family members respond to my engagement by…hazing my FI? Possible??

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@joya_aspera:  I wouldn’t call it hazing…but def rude! I would simply tell them (since it’s your family) that my Fiance doesn’t work for free and his fee is $x.xx per hour. 

eta: if he does it once for free, they will always expect it! Been there before :/

Post # 4
7719 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t know where you are in the world, but I call that rude and not normal.

But even within my own extended family I know some people call on professional favours like that (not 8 hour ones though!), so maybe I’m not normal. (EDIT: but this is a close relative (her own son in law) and it only takes a few minutes, though personally I think it’s still putting him in an awkward position).

I would advise to politely decline, otherwise my fear is you’ve set a precedent. My view is very close relatives (like your own parents) can call on an occasional small favour in extenuating circumstances; but more distant relatives like uncles and cousins – forget it.

Post # 5
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

Aww I’m so sorry. 

Post # 6
3552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

In my family if you do something once it’s your job FOREVER. Exp. my Uncle cleaned my grandmother’s oven. He then moved to South Carolina (from WI where grandma lived). It was still his job to clean the oven, no one else could do it. Everytime he came to visit she would have the oven cleaner out and on the counter waiting for him. 

In other words, this could very well be a trap. I would decline, just because he is going to be part of the family does not mean your family can rudely take advantage of him.

Post # 8
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

How close are you to the family member? If it’s an immediate family member I might explain that my Fiance is EXTREMELY busy and he can’t do things at a drop of a hat. Also, how would they like it if someone asked them to do their job for free?

That last part might be a little harsh but maybe you could hint at that?

Post # 10
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

My extended family is a bunch of serial moochers. Don’t let these people get away with it or they’ll suck all the joy out of your life!

Post # 11
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Its very rude! Just because you guys are engaged doesn’t mean your family should assume that his services should be free!

Post # 12
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@seabunny:  +1

Op, You should be the one to address your family members and tell them your FI’s rate.  If he’s willing to give them a discount (which would be extremely generous) you can also mention that…but make sure they know it is a discount and favor.  If he starts doing it for free he will for sure be taken advantage of…where and who do you draw the line????

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