Post # 1
After my shower and again after my wedding, my mother wants to see a full list of who gave what. I know this is somewhat an old tradition. When my grandfather passed 40 years ago, my grandmother wrote down every gift that was given and we have that till this day. My mother wants to know so she knows how much to give to these other families when they have weddings. I think you should just give what you think is right.
But I think sharing this information is incredibly tacky. And although I have no choice but to share, I really don’t want to. Anyone else have this issue?
Post # 3
Meh, whatever the reason your mom wants the list for, I think this is a case of picking your battles. If you refuse, will your mom be very angry/annoyed? Is it worth it? After all, even if what your mom does with the list is tacky, it won’t be a reflection of you.
Post # 4
My parents "wanted" the same thing, but realistically, the day after, my husband raided all the envelopes and tore them apart for the "goods" inside before I even had a chance to take any notes. I told my parents that everything was such a chaotic mess in our room that many of the envelopes were not labeled…that was enough for them! =) We also lucked out in the sense that we got mostly cash gifts as opposed to boxed ones, so not registering paid out for us!
I think your parents want it as a way to figure out who gave what and who was cheap/not so cheap…if they really want it, I say make it up…realistically, they’re not going to approach the people about it so, say what you want!
*Disclaimer: I am a baaaaad role model…follow advice at your own risk! =)
Post # 5
If I did that I would be killed!!! I already got in trouble because they can’t find somebody’s name on the list I made. They told me to write the amount they gave inside the card, this way years from now I could go back and look. I told them there was no way in hell I was saving a pile of cards for years. Now they are missing the name on the list and my mom had a fit. I’m worried I didn’t send her a thank you, I was very careful with that list, but my sister who was writing down (On a LIST!!!) who gave me what gift was very sloppy. Now I have to ackwardly approach this person at my wedding and verify they got a thank you. arrrgghh
For my wedding I am going to save all the cards with the gift inside and give it to my mother. She could keep the $%@#$% cards!
But I still don’t like it.
Post # 6
I gave my parents a list of the gifts I received from everyone that they invited…I didn’t see an issue with it, to be honest. My parents are going to many of their children’s weddings in the upcoming months/year and I think it made them more comfortable that the gift they were giving would be "appropriate".
I think it’s okay for you to decline to share the gifts you received from your friends or your husband’s family.
Post # 7
My mom wanted a list too. All of the Asian relatives and friends gave money, and she said she needed to know how much (and how many people attended) so she would know how much to give them/their kids at future weddings.
I was reluctant, but in the end reasoned that probably all of the other moms in that group were doing the same thing anyway, only perhaps not on a spreadsheet. But you can bet that all of them were thinking in the back of their heads, "well, So-and-so came to my daughter’s wedding, and brought her husband and three children, and only paid $X! So at her son’s wedding I only have to give $X!" or "So-and-so was really generous at my daughter’s wedding, so I should give extra to her kid at his."
It happens all the time, especially where, as with my mom, invitations to weddings are issued and accepted more out of duty than out of an actual desire to attend. You know, "they came to ours, we have to go to theirs" or vice versa.
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2007 - Hyatt Lodge, Oak Brook IL
Yep, my mom asked for the same thing. I only gave her a list with the guests on their particular guestlist, meaning I didnt include gifts from our own friends. I didn’t have a problem with this, as it makes sense for them to know how to reciprocate in the future if needed…
Post # 9
I’ve had to do this for my confirmation, graduations, etc. She always wants to know. I’m okay with it.
Post # 10
I think you can also look at it this way – if somebody gives you a fairly modest present, and then you or your folks give something really generous a year later at their kids’ wedding, they might feel bad. You know, like that uncomfortable thing when a friend brings you a really nice Christmas present and you got her nothing. Or maybe somebody gives much more than you would expect based on your relationship – then if your folks go to their kids’ wedding next year and give a much smaller present… It’s true that it shouldn’t matter, but you know the reality is if you have a friend who gives you a plate of cookies every year for Christmas and you present her with a fabulous and expensive crystal vase in return, it’s going to be uncomfortable. So realistically you adjust your gift-giving based on what you expect from the other person.
Post # 11
My mom wanted the same thing. I gave up and just gave it to her. It’s a pain, but it also helped when a family member called her to see if we received the present yet, and she could actually say yes we did. Plus I needed to keep track anyway for thank you cards. but it true we’re going to a few of our friends weddings this year, and if they only gave a lot more than what we were planning on giving them, I’d probably reconsider what I’d give them. I’d feel bad to give them less, we’re all in about the same financial situation, so…
Post # 12
I am keeping a list of our wedding gifts, not because I want to plan my future gifts to others but because I am sentimental and I enjoy remembering who special gifts came from. I don’t think I would wirte down the cash amounts, just that they gave a money gift.
Post # 13
this isn’t uncommon. in fact, i know ppl in the 20s/30s who keep track just so they know how much to gift when their friends get married.