(Closed) My family wants nothing to do with me-Invite them or not?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

definitely don’t invite them unless you think you will be happy they are there and regret it if they aren’t – which it doesn’t seem like either of those will happen.  You should surround yourself with people who love and support you on your wedding day – those people may or may not be “family” but that’s okay.

Post # 4
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I would invite them, since not doing so is a “no turning back” kind of a message to send to them. I know it’s awful being on the receiving end of crappiness, but wouldn’t you like to think of yourself as above their behavior? 

As for your grandfather, I have to stick up for him here. When you say “if he truly loved and cared for us and was any kind of a man he wouldn’t allow his family to get to the point it has,” you are minimizing the free will other people have. Unfortunately, your grandfather is not almighty, and cannot control how other people maintain relationships. As idealistic as this seems, it’s impossible. If your grandfather is trying, try to give him some credit where it’s due. He may be stuck between a rock and a hard place with the dichotomy of feelings from other members of the family and how he feels. 

Whatever you do, I wish you luck, and I hope things settle down in this area.

Post # 6
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t get it why are they so hateful towards you’re family? Sorry if i am being nosyEmbarassed

Post # 8
Member
8361 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think you need to talk to your father and let him know how having a bad relationship with his family is making you feel. Ask him how this has come about. If he doesn;t know then I think you have bigger problems and I would lay blame with both sides. Family and relationships need communication and what I am getting from your post is that noone is communicating but rather ignoring the elephant in the room.

If your father wont/can’t shed any light ont he situation I would talk to another family member that you feel is excluding your side of the family. Let them knwo how important family is to you. but remember not to be accusational- come at it from a when this 9insert thing) happens it makes me feel (insert what you feel).

Honestly it could be a simple misunderstanding of something that was said 20/30/40 years ago! Such as your mother said something unintentionally that hurt your fathers family when they were dating! Without commuication it just isn’t going to end.

 

Post # 10
Member
7694 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I was guessing that maybe they didn’t like your mother for some reason?   Maybe ask your dad if he thinks you should invite them?

Post # 11
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

did your gm like your mom?  maybe thats where her crazy is coming from

if she doesnt have enough respect to make eye contact with you and makes nasty comments about your Fiance then why would you want her there on a day you are suppose to be happy and in love

leave them off the invite list. you dont deserve letting people making you feel like rubbish so dont give them the power!

Post # 12
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree that you should try to get to the bottom of it and make your feelings known in a calm way. If the response to this is negative, I’d honestly not invite them. I don’t necessarily think inviting them anyway is being the better person. It’s just saying no to being disrespected. It’s a special day and not one you deserve negativity on.

 

Post # 13
Member
805 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I couldn’t invite them… but I think I have a different perspective on etiquette VS real life. I just never, ever see the point of having someone I dislike or that dislikes me being at my wedding! I know this is family but if family is more like “people who can’t stand me” well…

Post # 14
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Padua Hills Theater

I agree you should talk to your Dad and get his input. It’s a tough situation because you should be surrounded by people who love an support you and your Fiance on your wedding day. I personally wouldn’t want anyone there who was going to ignore me or bad mouth me the whole time. But if my Dad said to me, it’s important ti me that they be invited, I would invite them. I would ask other family members options as well. Like your Mom for one who has had to deal with this for a long time it seems

Post # 15
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We have a similar issue except that instead of a whole family, it’s one person. FI’s Aunt hates the family. I have never ever met this woman and am not sure that I want to. I had her on our guest list and he had me take her off. Honestly, be the better person. Invite them. If they don’t show up you will then know that you are infact the better person and clearly more mature.

Post # 16
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

This didn’t happen to me, but to my best friend (I was MOH). She grew up in an estranged family – her father didn’t have much to do with his siblings and therefore she didn’t spend much time with that extended section of the family (his parents had passed away). She felt, much like you, that it would be nice of her to extend invitations to the estranged family much like extending an olive branch. She received a response card from her Aunt about a week after she sent invites…

With the response card came a note. The note told her that she was rude and gift-grabby. Literally, her Aunt wrote that she was ashamed of her niece and her not-so-subtle attempts to get more gifts. The note concluded with basically “have a nice life and leave me out of it”. My friend was in tears for two days…she felt horrible and there was no reason for her to be treated like that.

Based on that and the similarities to your situation – if I were in your shoes, I would let sleeping dogs lie and not open this can of worms (I can’t stop with the cliches)!

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