- Gwen von D
- 8 years ago
This will possibly be my last post on the Waiting board for a long time, and here’s why:
The weekend was rough emotionally. Two hours of sleep (if you even want to call it that) kills me! Saturday night my b/f and I got to talking about marriage again. I heard the same things he has been saying. In the beginning of the relationship he said: “I can’t afford it”, then he progressed to “I’m working on it”, and then it was “There are certain ‘steps’ and I’m somewhere in the middle”. The last one sounded kinda good, didn’t it? Well Saturday night he went right back to “I can’t afford it”.
I had a good cry in the bathroom before we went to bed at 2am. I lay awake in bed thinking, crying, calming myself down… Then more thinking and crying. My b/f started talking at 4am. It was a pretty deep conversation where I told him EVERYTHING. Meaning, I told him how frustrating the waiting is, how I have my up and down days, how I’ve heard his excuses before. I told him that before we moved in together I expected certain things to happen quickly because we were both going against our traditions and values by living together without being married. He reassured me back then that everything would fall into place fast. And they haven’t. So I told him that I was considering going back to my original plan that I had before we moved in together: Find a cheaper apartment and save money for a house. I was well on my way to do this for myself before we moved in together (had the deposit cheque and everything!), but he stopped me and suggested that we live together to (and I quote): “Speed up the process” (of marriage, etc).
He explained that he still had debt to pay off, which was holding him back from buying a ring, etc. He wants to be debt-free (or have the majority of it paid off) in order to get married. Which is fine. However, I asked him how long it would take (timeline) and he said: “I don’t know. But I have a plan.” I expressed that no one at our age can ever become debt-free. It’s just impossible. There will always be something that will come up and will set us back. There is no ‘right time’ to get married, you just have to do it (but yes I know, there are certain circumstances where it is definetly NOT the right time to get married).
I told him that given my past, I completely admit that I am paranoid (I won’t get into that right now). I need honesty, reassurance, and to be kept in the loop and not be “thrown off” because it makes me think that he doesn’t want any of the things that I do anymore. I don’t want to be fed lines in order for me to stay. I said to him that I couldn’t wait another two years (I’m 30, he’s almost 33, we’ve been dating for 3 years, living together for one year). At my age, waiting another two years is a LONG TIME. Agreed? Then he said something that really made me think: “What if it took two or three years to pay off a chunk of debt. Do you love me enough to wait?”
Yes I love him. I assured him that I did and that I’d wait. But how long do you wait?? What if it DOES take two years… Is there any guarantee that he’ll keep his word? No. Because that’s just what they are: Words. I love him to death, and of course I’ll wait for him. I just think it would be easier for me to wait another two years if I was younger. I expressed to him that I wanted a family and a husband SOON, and two years was waaaay past my timeline.
Guess my last question is: What is your opinion? I guess I’m the only one who can really answer my post… Do I love him enough to wait? Yes, I do. I think he’d be a great father and a terrific and responsible husband (he reminds me of my dad sometimes). Man, this is so frustrating though… I thought I was so close to having everything and the only thing that I’ve ever wanted in my life. Turns out that we’re so far from it. I can’t even see a proposal anytime in the near future. It really breaks my heart. Which is why I’m taking a break from the board because I need to get my mind off of everything ‘wedding’ related. Like I said, I’ll lurk once in a while, maybe post here or there, but for the most part I need to go. Thank you so much for your kindness and advice.
Gwen von D.