(Closed) My father doesn't want to go to my destination wedding

posted 5 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 2
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

If you know this is your father’s personality, I’m not sure why you would plan a destination wedding and then get upset that he doesn’t want to come. 

Post # 3
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Be honest with him about you feel. I would be hurt if my Dad didn’t want to come to my wedding. It’s not about where he wants to go!

Post # 4
Member
3067 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
sess:  I think you have a right to be hurt and will also need to accept his decision if he does not go.

He mightt cave though. Just talk to him and say how important it is for you for him to be there. Hopefully he will listen. 

Post # 5
Member
47423 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
sess:  Your feelings are your feelings. They are never right or wrong. Your Dad, however is entitled to his feelings too.

Although I can’t personally imagine missing my daughter’s wedding, you picked your location knowing he would hate it.

How long are you expecting your guests to stay? Knowing that he considers triopical beach vacations a waste of time and money, could he fly in for just a couple of days? or could you cover his expenses? It may be the idea of a week at a typical all inclusive that is nauseating to him.

Post # 6
Member
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

View original reply
Kaymar:  I disagree. I think her father is being selfish for not going, when his reason is that he just doesn’t want to. if he was physically incapable of traveling or financially unable to, I’d get it. but this reason? I’d be hurt and let him know it.

sess: I wouldn’t change the destination because.. well, my dad is like that. if you always give to him, he’ll never ever change his ways. he needs to know how you feel and how this kind of stuff truly has an impact on you.

I’m not sure this was a helpful response. just wanted to say I understand. I’ve been going through this with my dad since I left home 13 years ago. 

Post # 7
Member
1744 posts
Bumble bee

Maybe he’s being a stick in the mud (in part) because of your mother’s death.  His comment about it being about the hard times rather than the parties may hint at that.  Maybe spending time alone at a ‘romantic’ all inclusive wedding sound more than not fun – maybe it sounds like a painful reminder of him missing his wife. 

Ideally, he’d bite his tongue and go to your Destination Wedding.  However as PP have mentioned, you know his personality. It sounds as if you decided about the Destination Wedding ignoring his input.  It also sounds like you put concerns about making your FI’s family uncomfortable – not inviting some to keep guest list and costs manageable – above your own father’s preferences.  It can’t be a surprise. 

Maybe only ‘expecting’ him for the wedding day as others have mentioned.  Maybe apologizing to him – letting him know that you understand it isn’t his choice and your sorry but that you felt you had to make it  for the reasons you explained.  You both have your own feelings and you are both entitled to them. 

Post # 8
Member
1549 posts
Bumble bee

I think he’s being selfish as well, he has no real reason not to travel (not that he’s expressed to you anyway). That said, if you knew that was going to be his reaction and planned it anyway, you can’t really be surprised. I would try and sit him down for a heart to heart about how much it means to you for him to be there. 

For what it’s worth, we also had an immediate family only Destination Wedding and Mother-In-Law refused to come since it wasn’t what she wanted. Like, literally did not mention the wedding once after we told her we were going overseas. Honestly, I felt really sorry for my husband but he still says it was her loss and he wouldn’t change a thing. The rest of our family came and we all had an amazing time. We did not miss her and her negativity on the day. 

Post # 9
Member
7604 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

It’s unreasonable to expect people to spend their money and time to do something they truly do not enjoy doing just because it’s your wedding. 

Post # 10
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m so sorry bee, I can’t imagine how hurtful those words must be. It sounds like he is still grieving for your mother in some ways, as his comments about things getting tough reveal. I think he is being selfish. What kind of parent skips their kid’s wedding because of a personal preference like that? I guess now you just need to decide if you’d rather get married in your dream location or cater to your father.

Post # 11
Member
4706 posts
Honey bee

It’s her father, not people. Love shows up.

Sorry, sess. I feel your pain.

Post # 12
Member
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

View original reply
zl27:  exactly!! I totally get others not being into it and I wouldn’t expect many to go. but parents, siblings, children.. they’re not “just” people. they shouldn’t miss such events for selfish or ridiculous reasons such as this. or for a lack of reason, such as this. if that makes sense. 

Post # 13
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

We wanted a destination wedding aswell.. My fiancé is very close to his grandpa and due to health reasons he couldn’t come, my mom and dad honestly said they wouldn’t come either, so we cried, laughed and got over it. we are having a home town wedding now and not inviting people we don’t want to be there.. Remember it’s your wedding, you choose who you want to invite… No matter what you do, feelings will be hurt 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 5 months ago by berchiena. Reason: Spelling

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