Post # 31
I disagree w/ the first person as well. If she knew her Dad was sick and couldn’t plan a destination wedding and got mad when he couldn’t go, that’s one thing. But he’s not going because he doesn’t like beach vacations? THAT’S selfish.
I’m sorry OP. It sounds like your Dad has some inner demons he needs to address that have absolutely nothing to do with you.
Does he like/get along w/ your FH?
Post # 32
Do you want to make your father to like your fiancé more? Do you want to use the wedding as a way to start getting closer to him? Is it ok if he doesn’t come and from now on you guys will probably only drift apart more?
Post # 33
I am guessing your dad does not have a passport which adds to the complexity of having a destination wedding in the carribean. Is it possible he would be more supportive of a beach wedding in the the country?
Post # 34
Thanks for sharing your experience! I think it’s both the destination and the racist undertones. And I whole-heartedly agree with the idea of liking
him not going if he’s going to be a pain in the ass the whole trip, bringing people down. He gets in a funk sometimes at family gatherings and just sits there, silently coping an attitude and giving snarky comments. He’s ridiculously sensitive if he feels someone has wronged him somehow, yet he doesn’t parlay that same sense of consideration and respect in the way he treats others. BUT. Then there are moments he lets you know through words and hugs that he loves you and wants you to be happy. Such a complex man.
But as time is passing, (and as I read other’s experiences and thoughts – Thank You All!), the initial sting is getting a little easier to accept.
Post # 35
I am not a fan of destination weddings, due to the burden they put on the guests. Nevertheless, I am a mother, and can tell you that I would travel to China if need be in order to be there on this special day for my daughter. (Though I might ask her to reconsider first).
I am sorry, bee. Your only other alternative is to keep this trip as your honeymoon, and do a small wedding here before you leave. But it doesn’t even sound certain he would come to that, given that he said that the wedding is not the important part of a marriage.
Post # 36
I completely understand. I’m getting married in FL (from NC) and my dad doesn’t want to / probably won’t go. He says his “anxiety is too bad to drive that far” and doesn’t understand “why I can’t just get married at home like normal.” Before anyone goes and gets their panties in a wad, I am very aware that anxiety is real & a true disorder; however, he is NOT referring to a true medical condition. I’m sorry your dad is raining on your parade… while you do have the right to be hurt, don’t let it get to you. Express your feelings but keep on planning your awesome wedding. The ones who want to be there will <3
Post # 37
What does your dad’s partner think? She likes beaches! Could she talk some sense into him?
Post # 38
- Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall
If your father is more than financially capable of going to you Destination Wedding, then yes, you have a right to be upset. I don’t care if “his personality” is like that, like a PP said, it’s not a vacation, it’s a wedding, his daughter’s wedding. I don’t care if the wedding is in the darn moon, he needs to be there. And if a wedding isn’t a big deal to him (which we can clearly see, it isn’t) he needs to stop his childish selfish act and see how it is a big deal to his daughter (have you told him it’s a big deal? Like, actually spoken the words to express how important it is?).
You have a right to be hurt, I’d be way more than hurt, I’d be livid.
Post # 39
- Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall
After reading the updates, I’d say it’s best if you keep your original plans, tell him you’re sorry and hurt he can’t go and then move on. If he doesn’t even approve of your FH (for such silly reasons as race) that’s his problem! I love my father, but if he didn’t approve my bf (for superficial reasons like that, not actual reasons) I probably would prefer he stay away from the wedding. He probably will bring people down with his funky attitude, probably all pouting and such.
Post # 40
So we had a very tense conversation. Eventually he apologized for “making me upset” but not much else. His long term gf basically said “you’re going or we’re done,” so he’s going. I expressed all my feelings – that no one should have to convince him. He said that his comment about “not caring to see the wedding bc it’s just a fun occasion and marriages can get tough” meant that he’d be there for the hard times. I told him he should want to be there for both. I broached the topic of how he feels about my fiance. He said he didn’t remember asking previous BILs questions and making it a bonding moment (he did). He said my Fiance “seems like a nice guy.” And he will swear he isn’t racist until his dying day, and get mad if you suggest he is (my sisters did), but he uses several racist terms and has pretty much zero personal experience with other cultures. So I’m going to just move on, as other PPs suggested. It will be a great party, with or without him.
Thank you all for your support/suggestions/stories. I sincerely appreciate it. ❤