Post # 1
Was hoping to get advice not about myself but about the sudden wedding of my father tomorrow. Here’s a quick backstory. My dad has been divorced for about 20 years after cheating on my mom the whole time, has had several girfriends (all of them not nice people and untrustworthy.) But in the past couple of years, things have been sort of steady. i got married recently and he paid for it and was getting back in touch with me and my siblings. Meanwhile, he has been getting heavily involved in Christianity and even became a minister. This is all within the past year or so. And before i got married, he started saying he wanted to get married too. (Even though my whole life, he has been against marriage because his ended so badly.) The past two women he’s dated he has said he wanted to marry but then broke up with them shortafter (no idea why.)
So cut to two weeks ago. He emails me that he has a new girlfriend and sends some pictures. i talk to him on the phone and say I’m happy for him. But then the next week, he calls me to tell me he’s getting married by the end of the week! I ask him why the rush and tell him it’s not a good idea to marry someone he barely knows. And I also express my concern that I’m suspicious of a person who would marry someone without bothering to meet or even talk to his family. His reasons were they believe in the same things and “God has put them together.”
Naturally, there’s so many reasons why i’m concerned. My dad’s only serious relationship besides my mother, he let his girlfriend turn him against us. And it’s just really weird!
But i’ve said my peace and i know he’s going to do what he’s going to do. my question is, what do I say tomorrow? I think it’s a horrible idea and have told him so, so do I say congratulations? (Bear in mind though, my dad has just told me only that he’s getting married, not where or what time or how. or anything.)
Post # 2
Yes, simply say congratulations.
Post # 3
Congrats and best wishes.
Post # 4
say “Dad I just want you to be happy. Only you can decide what you think is best for your life. Congratulations and I wish you the best”. This may work out and it may not, but it’s his life. So just be happy that he’s happy in his choice. If it fails, he will be the one to deal with that.
Post # 6
My grandfather did this! and we tried to like her for years but she was just a mean woman. It drove a big wedge between us all and we rarely visit now (eventho we all live 10min apart). It’s sad— and I know people on these boards will say “they have a right to live their lives and remarry, you are adult children now so grow up!” BUT it’s family, who they marry matters especially when you bring your children around.
You already told him how you feel and he’s not listening 🙁 I hope this woman turns out to be a good one!
Post # 7
yumcheez: and @stardustintheeyes. thanks for your thoughtful comments. i know this sounds mean, and I will get flack but i should have known better than to ask on this board. so many people on here just go along with being fake and answer to everything seems to be “turn a blind eye.” it’s this attitude that people buy into and thinking like this gets people into these messy situations in the first place!
but it does matter and yes, i do think we will see less of him.
Post # 8
I think we have similar dads. My dad did something similar. He met a woman online and a couple months in (before meeting her in person) decided he would fly to Asia and marry/meet her. He told me about this deicison in an email that began with a review of the movie Battleship.
I told him I thought it was rushing it, but he ignored me. They seem okay, its been about a year and a half now. They are moving to be where her family lives in January, so I will see him even less than now.
You can tell him he is rushing it, but he won’t listen.