Post # 1
I’m not sure what I’m looking for here. I just figured it may help me to spill some of what’s going on in my head. Forgive me if its disjointed.
My dad passed away this past Friday. He was 51 and truly in the prime of his life. His death was sudden, unexpected, and shocking. There are so many loose ends and unanswered questions.
Sometimes I’m angry and sometimes I’m devastated and a lot of times I’m just…I don’t know…sort of numb. Our relationship was complicated. I’m the child of a divorce that carried a lot of baggage throughout life. But the last few years were the best that it had ever been. We didn’t have a very parent/child relationship but we had a pretty good friendship. I was never daddy’s girl but I was happy to have him in my life. He may not have been the father I needed growing up but he was a good grandfather to my son.
People keep asking me if there is anything they can do. I know they mean well and I really appreciate it but I don’t even know what to do myself. My step mom is beside herself. They were married for 23 years. I can’t imagine what that must be like for her and I feel utterly useless. My brother is only 20 and, like my dad, keeps so much emotion to himself. I don’t know what to do for him either. My son is 4 and is having such a hard time even understanding what is going on. I’m struggling to make sense of it myself so I feel like I’m absolutely floundering at explaining things to him. If anyone has any suggestions for children’s books that may be helpful, I’m all ears!
I know that time supposedly heals all wounds but in the mean time, I’m not sure what to do with myself.
Post # 3
@just_another_dandelion: Sending you love and strength…
Post # 4
(((HUGS))) I’m so sorry for your loss. What a gift you did have for the friendship you managed to form with him. So many people just never get there. It does take time, and I’m sure you do know how great it is that you have your 4 year old around now. Children really make times like these better.
I would try to spend some time with your brother. Take him to grab lunch, it doesn’t have to be spending the day with him, just a conversation. I don’t know if you keep a journal or not, but you might want to start. It amazes me how many things I’ve forgotten about my mom, I wished I had written things down while they were fresh in my mind, stories I heard at her funeral about her from people I don’t see enough. You won’t ever get over it, but you can live with it. My mom has been gone for 15 years and I still cry and I probably always will. Just hang in there and if you feel like crying … just let it out. Take care of yourself, drink lots of water too!
Post # 5
Oh gosh. I am so terribly sorry. Sending tons of thoughts and prayers <3
Post # 6
@skjumps: Thank you.
@HisIrishPrincess: Those are some great suggestions. I really like the idea of a journal. Thank you!
Post # 7
@arsing89: Thank you. My family and I really appreciate it.
Post # 9
im so sorry for your loss…
Post # 10
I am so sorry for your loss. I am praying for you and your family!
Post # 11
((hugs)) and support for you and your family. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Post # 12
I’m not sure of what to say of than I am so sorry for your loss. May you find strength during this trying time…..((((hugs)))))
Post # 13
I’m so sorry. Just know that whatever you feel now or in the future is totally normal. You may feel fine one second, and then in a puddle of tears the next (even years after the fact). I too wasn’t overly close with my dad (also a child of divorce), but I know he loved me deeply, even if he couldn’t really show it the way I needed him to. That won’t make it easier for you, it just makes it more complicated that it may seem on the surface. If you have the insurance coverage, it may help to see a therapist. When I did, and talked about some of the unresolved issues I had with my dad, my therapist asked me “if you have the chance to talk to him again, what would you say?”, and I was stumped. Maybe writing out all your thoughts will help you.
Post # 14
Thank you all so much.
@EastMeetsBarn: It sounds like you know exactly where I’m coming from with this. I’m going to talk to my brother about maybe going to counseling together.
Post # 15
I am so so sorry to hear this. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong, hold tight to all your sweet memories.
Post # 16
Sending love and hugs your way. My father passed away two months ago so I know what you are going through. There is no right way to handle death, everyone processes it differently. Losing a parent is SO hard and many people don’t know how to express their condolences- I got a lot of strange responses but the ones that resonated came from those that went through it themselves. Regardless of communication issues, just know that he will forever be with you, even if not in the physical form.